2 Sides
by DianaPana
Summary: Because every story has at least 2 Sides, this is mine, and I shall listen to your side as well. I am addressing you, walking through the memories of us, wondering if this tale is even worth remembering at all. Kind of a she/he said story. Rated M for later, maybe...
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys, it's been almost a year (wow) and I was thinking I should repost this story I rewrote the first few chapters...not many changes I have a plan until like chapter 8-9 from there on i shall see, but i've had this in my computer for a long time and with the SH Month 2017 coming up i thought i should get back to writing some more so here i am._

 _Please R &R_

 _Thanks_

* * *

 **Sasuke POV**

Maybe he was right, maybe I was out of my mind, somewhere along those lines I realized it at that time too, that's why I was so close to leaving, I got up but my eyes never moved from the back of your head. Suddenly you got up as well and decided it was time for you to go too. Even then I knew your name, I heard people saying it now and then but I didn't know you, you didn't know me. For some time then I was always trying my best, I was going out of my way to see you, of course never up close, not close enough to hear what you were saying but close enough to see your smile. Sometimes I could see you looking at me, at least it looked like that to me, our eyes would meet for a second and you'd smile, maybe that's what got my attention in the first place. A drunken and genuine smile from a stranger, but I'll tell you about that later. As I was saying you were onto your feet and walking towards me, well the door, with each step you took closer my mouth became drier and the urge to order another drink over came me, so instead of going out the door I walked in front. That's when we passed by, so close, that was the closest I ever got to you, our shoulders did not touch but I saw you shaking, your smile was absent, I watched you from the corner of my eye and my eyes lingered on you a moment too long. I noticed the small frown, the way you bit your lip, the way your legs were slightly trembling, I wanted to take your hand and watch you closer I wanted to notice every single detail, of course I didn't.

My first impression of you was that you were intimidating and radiant, but being so close to you made me see all the insecurities, the low self-esteem, you were so small and paranoid looking over your shoulder because you felt someone looking at you. Our eyes met for a second before you turned back and with slender hands opened the door. I didn't like that expression, you looked hurt.

* * *

The café where all of this happened is 'Café Noir' (it means Black Café just in case you didn't know that) it's not very big, if you're not looking for it you might miss it, the 2 buildings near it are tall and grey colored while the Café is small and on the outside the walls are a soft brown, the windows are big but on the outside they are mirrors while from inside you see everything that's going on outside (I don't really know how to describe it better but you've been there, you know it). I like to go here because it's 15 minutes away from the park which is 5 minutes away from my apartment, also it's on the way to the Campus so that's a win-win. From the Café to the Campus where are most of the Universities in the city it takes around 12-16 minutes if you walk and 4-5 by car.

* * *

After a few days when I was walking through the park I saw you running my way, actually jogging. You noticed me, I'm still not sure why you did what you did…was it the smirk on my lips that scared you? Did you find is strange how we met so often? Well, either way you took a sudden turn to the left and were gone. It was fun watching your ponytail swing from left to right, I liked the way your hips moved and you had a very nice ass in those leggings. We both know I stopped and started at you until you were very small into the distance.

* * *

It didn't take long for us to meet again, this time it was in front of the Art University, you didn't seem to notice me, you were very focused on something in your notebook. I couldn't pass you by without saying 'Hi'. I stopped in my place a few steps in front of you and I was waiting for your respond that never came, you didn't even looked up from your notebook but you smiled and that was enough for me so I started walking again, this time I made sure my shoulder brushed yours. From your back, my front someone came running, wind waving in her long hair, eyes pointed at the back of your head, smile cheerful, this young woman was fast indeed. I just blinked and she already passed me, I looked over my shoulder to see her jump on your back and both of you crumble to the ground, she laughed you looked at me and a slight blush covered your cheek before you looked down sheltering your face with your long straight bangs. Ino, I should thank her, later on she was a great help.

* * *

As I said the Campus was a rather large part of the new town, most of the Universities were there, some small shops and of course the dorms, you lived in an apartment close by. I will explain who goes to which University later, when more names come into the story.

* * *

I'm not someone that liked to talk about my…feelings? But I did tell my friend, my brother, about you. Naruto, he was rather shocked and excited when I started talking about a girl that I had an interest in, well all of that changed when I told him your name. The spark that was forever present in his eyes died , he looked sad, at that time I didn't understand but I didn't bother to ask either, somehow I am grateful. Maybe if I knew the story from the beginning, before anything happened I would have given you up.

The mood changed rather fast and Naruto started blabbering about Gaara, another of our friends from a different city, one year younger, that would finally move in Konoha next year to start University here. Somehow the conversation turned to ramen and lunch, so we decided to go out and eat. In the middle of the park there are a few food stands, one of them is a ramen one, which Naruto loves and I don't really mind. At the park, you were there, Naruto stiffened but I didn't see it, I didn't care at that moment I saw you and you alone, I find this strange now, you had my full attention without even trying. I walked up to you, you were on the swings.

Your beautiful lilac eyes started up at me for a moment before once again they fell to the ground and noticed the small movements of the grass. I just looked at the top of your head and smiled, if someone told me I'd be so close to you I would have smirked and walked away thinking to myself 'freak' but there I was. You seemed so out of reach yet you were so close. I wanted to say something but Naruto cut me off with one of his loud and careless shouts.

"Hinata!"

You looked up at him with fear and I just wanted to do something very childish, pull your hair, I couldn't help but chuckle at my grade-school thoughts. But you didn't look at me and that bothered me, of course, I grabbed your hand and forced you to come near. But the swing came to me and then backed away, came to me and backed away. I just watched it for a few moments.

"Hi"

Your beautiful eyes were wide but you smiled at me I'm sure I grinned at you because your face turned red in matters of seconds, the swing was moving closer to me then further, you were again eyeing the ground…I wondered if there was something I was missing out, I meant to ask, to talk to you…a lot, but Naruto just came and started to drag me away while shouting an apology to you. I was confused, I was further away from you each moment.

I sighed in frustration, Naruto always was positive and let me do whatever I wanted, but this time he was a huge obstacle and I wanted to smash his head to the floor and go back to the blushing girl. You didn't even know my name…

* * *

For almost a week I didn't see you, but when I did you were with him, a tall male, someone I vaguely knew, someone I didn't like, someone who's name I can't remember. You were laughing at him, your hand on his arm he was looking at you. I know we weren't even friends but just that gesture of you showing your perfect white teeth to another male made me feel so betrayed. This male was someone that didn't fit in a picture with you. Shino! I think, I remember later on Kiba brought him to my house once, I don't recall the reason…he's not someone I'd usually see you with, you didn't match, he was too…anyway you just looked off next to him. I was so annoyed I almost walked over to you and push his arm away, of course, I didn't, I would have scared you off. So I just watched you and him for a couple of minutes to see the way you interact with him. No matter what you were doing, how hard you smiled at him the two of you were different.

Your hair was long held in a high ponytail your bangs were framing your face, a loose purple shirt was shoved messily inside your shorts and looked way to big on you and dark purple sneakers while he had sun glasses on a hoodie and long jeans, different styles, different worlds, seasons, centuries, stories. He had nothing to do with your story, not from my point of view, I was getting madder by the moment and with each second your hand stayed on his I felt this great pain.

I was just about to leave when I heard a conversation between a girl and her mother, both of them were walking, strolling though the park. 'Mommy, look look a couple!' 'Misa! It's not nice to point' her mother blushed and started walking faster after she noticed me looking. Really I tried to leave, I did but I was glued to the ground. I sighed and sat on the bench my back at you. The laughing stopped and I looked over my shoulder, he was leaving while you were waving and going in the opposite direction, towards me.

Our eyes met and you seemed…annoyed? Maybe I was wrong about you, maybe you weren't small and paranoid, maybe my first impression of you was accurate.

"Hi"

You stopped in front of my hands on your hips looking natural, my eyes moved from your toes to your head a few times before I got up. Well, you were quiet short your head reaching just my chest, you looked in my eyes for a second before turning your head to the left watching some kids play, it bought a smile on your face.

"Hi"

This time you seemed more confident and again your watchful eyes were on me.

"Sasuke"

I just whispered my name and waited for you to understand, of course you did. A hand traveled to your eyes and covered them, you looked tired, but the smile was still in place.

"Sasuke…We met awfully often lately"

"Aha" I just nodded and my phone rang, wonderful I wanted to crash it to pieces but decided to just let it ring. Your hand moved and you gave me a perplexed look and the same slim hand gesticulated to me to answer, I didn't. A thin brow rose before you started giggling. Your head fell to the right giving me the opportunity to see your slender neck, my eyes traveled to your ear then eyes, nose, mouth, the corner of your lips twitched.

"You're…staring"

"I am"

Once again your brow rose, we were awkward, but it felt nice, a sigh escaped my lips and my phone started to ring again. This time I looked at it and saw who was calling 'Sakura'. I noticed you were looking too and your eyes widened.

"You…know her?"

I just nodded and you seemed puzzled, confused, I still don't know why. For a moment I thought you hated Sakura, or that you were some kind of 'rivals' but looking at her name the sad smile and the insecurities in your eyes returned.

"We have a lot of common…friends"

I just looked at you. You were so different a few seconds ago, you looked just like when you left the café when you saw Naruto. I sighed and pressed 'answer'

" **Sasuke, finally"**

I couldn't talk to her not with you looking at me like this, so I didn't say anything but we both know Sakura, she's a talker so I'm pretty sure she didn't notice. Sakura, another person I'm supposed to say thanks to.

"— **Naruto said that, but he's Naruto so is it true ?"**

Your eyes were watching me, my every move I could see your eye twitch when I moved the phone from an ear to the other, I could see the fear on your face when you heard her voice, I remember we met a few days after this, just the two of us and I meant to ask you about what you feel for Sakura, but I forgot…in time I understood what was there. Going back on track Sakura stopped talking waiting for my response to whatever she asked…I still don't know what she said, I was too focused on you to hear her. I just hung up, your mouth slightly open in shock and once again you looked at the kids playing.

I didn't know what to say, what to do…but you started to walk away, should I have ran after you ? Because I didn't, I let you leave. In the next few days we met at least once a day but you never said anything and all I did was greet you, we were always around…'friends'. Spring was almost over and summer was coming fast, I had exams to focus on, you did too.

* * *

It was Wednesday when I had my last exam and Naruto and Kiba told me to go out and drink the stress away that weekend. We used to go to this club, K-9, since the senior year of high school, it was fine.

As I promised, I guess now would be the perfect time to say who goes where. We were in our first year in college, I was at police academy with Kiba while Naruto was at law school, you were at both Art and Foreign languages, English to be exact. You never had time, always here or there yet everyday you'd walk to clear your head or run to keep in shape. You were busier then Ino and Sakura and they were at Medicine and I'm sure everyone heard rumors about how hard that is. There will be more people in the story but there's no need to rush.

Anyway you were there at the club, you looked different from 'the you' I saw in the park and when I stalked you, it was just like in the café, you were so strange and I never tried to figure you out. I was just…attracted to you, I just wanted to watch you from afar, that was at the beginning, soon watching wasn't enough, I wanted to talk to you, to touch you, make you laugh. Even so I'm pretty sure somewhere along my stalking routine I put a label on you, a big fat 'MINE'.

You were just with Sakura, both of you wearing dresses, too short for my taste, too tight for it to be comfortable to breathe, heels too high, I'm sure it hurts to walk on them. I saw the discomfort on your face, I watched you and I never saw you dressed like that…Sakura? Yes I expected that from her.

"Sakura-chan!"

Naruto's voice rang in the room even above the ridiculous loud music, you stiffened just for a moment, I saw it. Your eyes met mine and once again you seemed annoyed, I smirked at you and you actually rolled your eyes.

"Oh right, Sasuke-kun, this is one of my friends Hi—"

"Hinata"

I finished it for her, Sakura's eyes were wide open. But she didn't look angry like she usually does when I talk with girls she was just surprised but her eyes softened and her question was pure curiosity.

"How did you know?"

Whatever Sakura felt for you, the petite girl from our group, was anything but bad, and Hinata, your eyes were on Sakura a lot, I saw you stare at her, checking her, almost like you were scared she might disappear and each time when you realized what you were doing your gaze would drop and you'd be looking at your feet like they were your worst enemy. It was funny.

"We've been bumping into each other a lot lately"

I finally answered Sakura's question.

"That's wonderful!"

Sakura said cheerful and took your hand and gave it a light squeeze. All of us sat at a table, Sakura introduced you to Kiba and the night started to go normal, Naruto and Kiba were fighting about something I didn't care about, while Sakura was ordering some more drinks.

"Hi"

I said and you looked at me so…strange. Your eyes showed you were mad but you were smiling so beautiful I'm still not sure if you were annoyed with me or whatever. Nothing special happened that night actually, that's probably because Sakura was always talking to you and Naruto with Kiba were pulling me now and then in their fight, but it was relaxing.

* * *

As I said K-9 is a club we used to go to, the owner, Kakashi, is a rather strange person, he always has a mask covering his face (in high school whenever we played truth or dare the main dare was 'Take Kakashi's mask off' none succeeded) also he was kind of lazy and most of the time reading porn. The club looks small from outside but when you come in it is large.

In the back there are sofas and a few tables, to the left the bar. In the middle there is a big open space for dancing, to the right are the bathrooms and a door that goes to a smaller dark alley. It is quite popular.

* * *

 **Hinata's POV**

For some time now I could see you looking at me…just looking, from time to time. Our eyes would meet and I'd smile, this person, you were such a mystery to me. I didn't know your name, but I already felt like I knew you. Last time we met I caught you staring at me in the café. I saw you also when I was running, I panicked so I took another route. I felt your eyes on me, Sasuke…and I'm not going to lie… I loved it. Would you watch me run again…sometime? Maybe that's not fair to ask, but things are always easier said on paper than face to face.

* * *

Anyway…Next time we met it was in front of my Art Collage, I saw you from a few meters away…you didn't see me so I acted like I was reading something and I was also praying hard for you not to notice the notebook was upside-down , we passed by and you stopped and said 'Hi' I smiled at you…not sure if you saw it or not, but the fact that you started to walk again told me you did. Our shoulders brushed and honestly I wanted to stop and talk to you. A few seconds later Ino came running to me, we both fell to the ground she was laughing but I noticed you were watching. God, I felt so embarrassed I wished the ground would suck me in.

Ino noticed my gaze and gasped. She knew you…didn't she ?Ino never said it herself…I was just assuming. I found out fromIno that Gaara and his older sister Temari would be coming to Konoha in a bit, both of them were my friends since I lived in Suna for some time, I guess you could call them 'childhood friends' for a moment I felt hurt, Ino knew that they were coming yet neither of them said anything to me.

* * *

Shino, my best friend and I were supposed to meet at the central park and go to watch a movie or something…he ditched me. This kept happening more often. I was sad…I missed spending time with him. The time when for the first time I saw you close at the café I was waiting for him as well…for 2 hours. It's been 30 minutes now only. But it was Shino…he was never late. It's either he's on time or he's not coming at all, still I waited. I closed my eyes and listened to people walking by, talking, kids playing. It was a lovely sound. To be honest I was cold…it was only the middle of spring and the wind was still strong. It was way too soon for a skirt.

But could you blame me? It looked…nice. I liked it. I opened my eyes and watched the clouds move in the sky, it was wonderful. Temari used to do this a lot, she told me the person she has a 'thing' for does it and she picked it up. I was on one of the swings, I was moving slowly. It was peaceful, for a moment I almost forgot about the fact that my best friend ditched me…again. I decided it was time to leave but something in me didn't want to move. I was sure it was hope…that Shino might turn up, right now I'm not so sure, maybe it was fate. A few more minutes passes and suddenly someone was shadowing me, so I looked up…and met your eyes. I felt like smiling, a dumb smile so I averted my eyes and set them on the ground. I counted to ten, waiting for you to say something but the first to talk wasn't you. It was Naruto, his friendly loud shout was disturbing to me, it didn't fit the picture.

When I looked up he was there indeed, blue eyes, tan skin, blonde hair and a huge grin. He was smiling at me, I felt like crying. Naruto was a dear friend of mine…but being around him was awkward for almost 4 years then. I'm not sure what expression I had on but I bet it wasn't nice, Naruto's happy eyes drifted away.

Suddenly I felt your hand grab mine, the swing moved towards you, and then back, for a moment we just looked at each other. 1…2…3 'Hi'

"Hi"

The same exact time, you said it exactly when I thought you would, the exact same way. I bet I was blushing so I once again found the ground interesting. I was waiting for you to say something but the warmness on my arm disappeared…Naruto was dragging you away while screaming an apology. I opened my mouth a bit and whispered a small 'hey' before getting up and leaving, I had been waiting enough.

* * *

Next time we met…I'm not sure you know we met. It was 2 days later. You were at the movies with this older male I didn't know. He looked slightly like you. I can't recall the movie…no, I wasn't watching it. I was looking at you. I felt fascinated by just looking, and a part of me hoped you felt the same when you were watching me a few weeks back. Whenever the light of the movie changed your face looked different.

White: it made your pale skin look translucent…ghostly, the light was reflecting into your onyx eyes. Your hair was in a small knot, you looked like a samurai from old times. I was a few rows behind and to the left…I actually wanted to get up, bend and touch it, I didn't, I'm clumsy you would have seen me.

Black: I couldn't see you very well, just the outline of your nose and lips. Is this how you look with the lights off? In the dark…your eyes were actually looking grayer. Eyes darker than yours, older met mine and I'm sure I blushed. Thank god it was black. I found out moments later that it was Itachi, the man near you, your brother. Didn't he tell you I was staring at you like a freak?

Red: Your eyes…I was looking only at them, well as much as I could. Devil. That was the first thing I thought about, the red light made your hair look pure black, face reddish and your eyes, there was a fight, the outline was black then some red again black it looked fascinating, this time I didn't even see your brother looking at me, I didn't mind him.

The movie was soon over. I have no idea where you went off to but I bumped into Itachi. He looked down on me, he was taller then you by a few inches and my head reached only his chest. His eyes looked me over. He was similar to you, just the tanner skin, the 2 wrinkles near his nose and longer hair in a pony…but similar. His smile was nice, not a grin like yours.

"Young miss"

He's voice was deeper, well I only heard you whisper 'hi'.

"Young sir"

He chuckled and rose a brow, maybe he wasn't expecting me to answer? Who knows…Itachi was , is and will always be a question mark to me. Going back on track he just bowed his head before whispering 'brother' and leaving. I was hoping for a name…after all I didn't even know your name yet.

He looked like you, acted similar…brothers. I smiled and moved on.

* * *

A few days later I met with Shino near the park, he didn't ditch me this time…well not really. We were supposed to hang out, drink some coffee or something but after talking for half an hour he had to leave. I decided to walk in the opposite direction. That's when I saw you, looking over your shoulder at me, all I could think was 'Stalker much?'

I walked right to you. You looked so laid back, both arms on the backrest, head bend a little so you could look up at me, one eye closed and smirk on place.

"Hi"

That's all you whispered before you got up. Damn you were so tall, I had to look away not to be intimidated by your height and I copied you with the small 'hi' then turned my eyes back to you, before long you whispered something else.

"Sasuke"

I don't know if you saw it but I was happy, your name! Finally. I covered my eyes in an attempt to hide my joy even so I couldn't help a smile.

I said your name 'Sasuke' and I wanted to say something else but I stopped for a moment just to feel your name on my lips.

"We met awfully often lately"

You nodded and your phone started to ring…you didn't answer. I send you more signals to answer but you just ignored it, I couldn't help but giggle. That's when you started to stare at me…my face.

"you're…staring"

"I am"

Your answer was so short and fast, you were so confusing…but I enjoyed it. Your phone rang again and this time you looked at it…'Sakura' my blood froze, you knew her and Naruto and Ino (I think…or did you meet her later?)

"You…know her?"

Those words escaped my mouth before I could even think. You nodded and I smiled…a broken smile. I loved Sakura but…I really wished you wouldn't have known her.

"We have a lot of common…friends"

I said this while you answered and placed the phone to your ear, I don't know if you listened to her but you were staring at me again and I did as well. You moved the phone from an ear to the other and I could hear Sakura's voice. She asked you something but you didn't say anything actually you hung up. I was shocked and once again you intimidated me so I looked away.

Neither of us said or did anything so I started to walk away…I thought you'd follow me and we'd take a walk. You didn't move…I was a little sad to be honest. I wanted to talk more, you were interesting.

* * *

We didn't meet for some time, it was the end of spring and the beginning of the summer and every student knows what that means…EXAMS! God I hate them. Anyway, I was attending 2 universities Art and English so I had more exams then any of you. Oh right the Universities are like this: Ino and Sakura- Medicine, you and Kiba- police, Naruto and Shikamaru-law, Shino-science, Neji (my cousin who is also in his 2th year) and TenTen (his girlfriend)-martial arts (sport), Gaara-design (Gaara didn't start yet but designer is what he was aiming for and of course he got in) and Temari- college for the firefighters (none saw this coming!) After my last exam Sakura invited me to go out with her. She also insisted on going to her house earlier and getting ready together. Big mistake…Sakura is a dear and I love her but…her way of dressing is not really…comfortable.

She gave me a deep red leather dress, strapless, short and tight. It has a zipper in the front, just pull that and it's no more. A pair of black 6 inch heels. Also my pink haired friend did my make-up, crimson eye shadow and lipstick and just the 'right' amount of eyeliner and mascara…She wasn't dressed in something a lot different. Her dress was pale pink tight and cut on the sides, she was showing way too much cleavage…anyway, we got to the club and people were dancing, drinking and sweating. Thank God we sat down because my feet were killing me, anyway all of a sudden 3 boys come in, I could see Naruto from miles away, blonde hair, blue eyes and neon orange t-shirt. You were right behind him.

I felt so…bad! I actually wanted to cry. YOU were there! Dressed like any normal person would and I was dressed in something less than a towel, actually I think I saw a hooker wearing something more decent. But you smirked and I could actually imagine all the jokes and images going in your brain…'Men' I rolled my eyes.

Sakura wanted to introduce me but you said my name faster. Until then you never said it…I never told you it, I just assumed you knew. Sakura seemed surprised, I watched her and I actually wanted to move but damn those heels!

"We've been bumping into each other a lot lately"

"That's wonderful!"

Sakura said cheerful and took my hand and have it a light squeeze. I felt bad…again. The next few minutes were blurry, I was introduced to the third male as well, Kiba. I heard you whisper 'Hi' while Sakura was ordering something to drink.

Only when I heard your voice did I snap out of my 'daydreaming' do you know what I was thinking about, what I wanted? I was praying to be back in that park. You on the bench me looking at the kids playing and not a word being said. But we were here with loud music I never liked or bothered to listen, it was just background noise, it smelled of marijuana and I'm pretty sure somewhere in the corner someone was throwing up. K-9 was…a small(?) club where even high schoolers came, that's when I realized that this world is so screwed, from the corner of my eye I could see a hooker flirting with a teenager, she was around 32 and he was 17. All of that was rather disturbing to me.

I looked back at you and smiled. Sakura started to talk to me, I didn't listen I couldn't. Not with you there looking at me, not with that smile on your face. I wanted to get away. Almost the whole night I found myself looking at Sakura from time to time wishing she would offer me an explanation to why you and the boys were there, but all I got from her were shallow words. I haven't been in the same room as her and Naruto for a really long time and it was awkward. All of a sudden I hated that place, the dress felt tighter the heels more uncomfortable so I decided to drown in alcohol. With each glass I became dizzier but so did you. When we left…Naruto had to drag you out. If the circumstances were different I would have laughed but I felt sad.

* * *

 _Ok so the first chapter is done, thank you for reading it really means a lot to me, if you would like please review. I'll try to upload as fast as I can, but I'm kinda lazy and when I don't have ideas I get really down, also when I have a writer's block that thing will hold on to me for so long, it's ridiculous._


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello lovlies, i didn't want to post this chapter until i finished the next one but i hadn't had time to write much...either way i decided to post it anyway. Hope you enjoy~**

 **R &R, Love Dia **

**S** **asuke's pov**

After the club night our usual meetings came to a sudden end, for almost a month I didn't see you and I also thought I never would again. Suddenly not seeing you felt so…wrong. I had so much time on my hands to be honest I didn't know what to do with it.

Finally after a month and a few days Naruto made a group chat and invited 20 people to the beach, you weren't one of them but Sakura invited you anyway. For some reasons unknown to me it was decided a hotel with a pool would be better, since it was more…'private'?

We ended up with a group of 10, Naruto, Kiba, Garra, Shikamaru, Sakura, Temari, Ino, me, you and also your older cousin with whom you've spend most of your summer in Kiri where your mother lived. That was the reason I didn't see you, you were in Kiri so far…far, far away from Konoha, yeah that made sense.

The first day we got there we left our things in the rooms and went for a swim, or in Naruto's case just jumped in the pool as soon as the car stopped. You were wearing a nice dress, your feet in the water hair in a tight pony and a book in your hand. I couldn't help but be curious so I swam to you and looked at the book's cover for a second, I wish I could remember the name, but I can't.

I took the book out of your slender hands, action that earned me a puzzled expression, a flashback of you telling me to answer the phone then making the same expression came to my mind. For a split second I thought about you, in your white dress in the water, the material soaked and seen through, I wanted to see that so I pulled you in the pool. Worst way to find out that you didn't know how to swim. It took me a second to figure that out, and in the end I helped you but thinking back to that it was a bad idea, an idea that made you slap me quite hard and also not talk to me for 2 days.

Xxxx

When I stalked you I watched where you were going and only your smile, but now I started to notice small things, things I never forgot, like how you love cinnamon buns, how you can't stand bad smells and you'd wrinkle your nose, when you're thinking hard you're always licking your lips and many more, but there was still many things I didn't understand about you.

As I said the following 2 days you tried to avoid me but our eyes would meet in the hallways. When I had the chance I'd sit near you at lunch and our shoulders would touch for an instant.

I was in my room sitting on the bed trying to find power to get up and take a shower, that's when I heard a knock, and another one. After a few more knocks I finally got up and opened the door, fast, too fast for you, therefore your small fist 'knocked' but this time it hit my chest rather than the door. I raised a brow but you didn't mention it.

You were looking at something to your right…there was a wall, nothing on it, not a picture nothing. But you didn't say a word, you were so confusing to me, a mystery. So I talked first.

"Hi"

Finally your eyes turned to me and you smiled, sweetly, teeth showing and all. Did anyone tell you, you have perfect teeth? Your hair was in a bun allowing me to see your slender neck, I think I have a fetish for necks, is that strange? The same dress you had on the first day was in its place.

"Hey"

There was something mischievous in your eyes, were you about to say I was staring again ? because I know I was. You were bare footed which was…refreshing. I hate feet did you know? But your small ones seemed…nice?

"Why are you here?"

I leaned on the doorframe, crossed my arms and smirked at you. Your mouth formed a small 'O' and eyes widen, still no idea why. I watched you move, right hand to your hip, head slightly bent, bangs brush your forehead.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry for slapping you"

Neither of us looked at the other, the wall behind you was so much more interesting at the moment, I'm not sure where you were looking but I didn't feel your gaze on me, until you spoke again.

"You did deserve it thou, I could have died"

This time not only did I feel your eyes burn my skull but I also heard the sarcasm dripping from your words. In the end I looked at you and gave you a cheeky grin. You rolled your eyes. I moved away sending you small signals that you either come in or go away. You walked in.

"Your room is so much bigger than mine!"

Now that I think about it…it wasn't such a good idea to let you in, was it? I remember I walked right behind you, so close I could smell your hair. I felt your body tense, I didn't quite care. I moved my hand over your forearm and lowered my face to your ear.

"Wanna share it?"

Time stopped, you turned, scared. Passed by me and slammed the door. I wanted to go after you, I really did. But I didn't, I don't know why. But maybe I should have… Right, Hinata?

Xxxx

After the incident in my room we fell into old habits, you ignoring me and me stalking you. After being so close to you seeing you from far way hurt a lot.

I felt my heart beat faster each pump was painful and with every second that passed I found it harder to breath. From time to time I could feel you looking at me for a second but as soon as I raised my head you'd look away already, I never caught your eye.

Whenever I had my eyes closed I always saw the same image of you. Eyes closed, steady breath, rigid back, white legs, I still had that picture of you in my mind. For a moment between the things we said in my room you almost looked…pleased. The tension wasn't there and for a second I really thought it might work out, but...

Eyes open, arms crossed, lips parted and messy hair in a bun, even now I remember how you looked so…beautiful without even trying. As usual eyes to the right, not looking at me. After you avoided me for the whole trip you came to my room to 'talk' right before we had to leave. But you didn't even say a word for at least 5 minutes. The silence used to be something I enjoyed but this made me want to beg you to talk but at the same time I wanted you to shut up. All of a sudden I remembered our little chat into the park, good days, days when you were nothing but a mystery someone with who I'd enjoy all these awkward situations but now you were more. I didn't want things to be like that between us I wanted you to look at me and see what I see in you, but of course that could never happen.

Tank top, shorts, and bare footed if there was anyone wondering when did my 'attraction' for you turned into twisted love it was at this very moment when you were so naked, you seemed so real and vulnerable. Around you nothing made sense, not my actions, not my thoughts, nothing. At one point I was just another one of your hairs and other times I could feel that my feelings, our feelings were mutual. My thoughts contradicted themselves so many times it became a habit.

"Maybe…I do"

Finally you talked. But what you said made no sense, not at the beginning, not now, but I'm glad you said that. You looked at me and I swear I saw a fire start in your pure eyes. A bright smile followed by a guilty one. Another of those times when I thought it could work, that we could work things out.

"Maybe I do want to share a room"

I felt my heart stop, I remember blinking faster, shaking my head and looking at you, I had this smirk on , you noticed that didn't you? Because you smiled and your slim hand was in my hair scratching my scalp. Eyes locked, my knee touching your knee, I was sitting at the end of my bed and you were standing in front of me. You opened your mouth to say something and even now I am dying to hear the words you were yet to speak but the door opened.

"Hinata?"

You turned your head so fast I'm sure you got dizzy. Sakura was looking between the two of us, I felt her looking but my eyes were still glued to your neck, a few rebel stands of hair were curly and out of the messy bun. You and Sakura started to talk but no words reached me, before I could even think I was on my feet and my hand on the nape of your neck. It was so smooth. I felt you stiff but also relax quickly under my touch. At that moment, my ego rose back from hell and flew right to heaven, I could touch you and you didn't even mind, you seemed to enjoy it actually, enthusiasm ran through my body.

"Sasuke what are you doing?!"

My hand traveled down your spine and back up, I was watching the folds on your tank top. The pj, it was vivid red just like that short dress you once wore at the club. This color made your skin look just like porcelain, you were a doll, my doll.

"SASUKE!"

Before I could reach your neck again Sakura shoved my hand away. I didn't pay her any mind, because you turned around, big eyes looking at me. A star, somewhere along the way I said you were a star, but I was wrong. You were a galaxy and as every mortal I tended to reach for you until the tips of my fingers brushed your jaw. A galaxy I was ready to dive into and let it shallow me alive.

You smiled at my touch and I smiled back. Down to your collarbone, that's where I stopped. I caressed it from right to left, I stayed on the extreme right (left for you) a moment longer and felt your heart beat. Soft but fast, it was steady and made me realize just how fragile you were, just how easy it would be for me, anyone to harm you. The urge to protect you was…overwhelming. Sakura was talking wasn't she? My left hand was still in her hold that was getting tighter by the second, it became numb but all I needed was my right hand on your cheek, my thumb tapped the area under your eye and I earned a flutter of your lashes. They were so long touching your cheek. Finally Sakura had enough and she let go of my hand . You, she was looking at you. The petite smile faded and you seemed like you were about to cry.

"What are you doing?"

This time it was a whisper directed to you, I felt the sadness in her voice, her eyes were glossy as well, betrayed, that's the only emotion that comes to my mind when I think back at it, that's what she felt.

"Sakura…I don't think this has anything to do with you. Am I mistaken?"

My voice came out lower then I wanted, Sakura's green eyes opened even wider. You were sobbing onto my shirt, your ear was on my chest so I'm sure you noticed how my heart skipped thousands of beats whit each sob you let out. And with shaking hands I saw her opening the door and leaving.

Xxxx

After we came home for a few days Sakura and I were still not on talking terms, not until Naruto forced me to go to her. But it wasn't me that she wanted to see, it wasn't me that she wanted to hear 'sorry' from or who she wanted to explain that there was nothing, because...really there was nothing.

We went to her part-time job. After we got back from the trip Sakura asked around the hospital, pulled some strings and ended up as a temporary 'nurse' in the child department. Naruto dragged me there, like I said before.

"You know, I didn't really want to see you this soon"

It hurt to hear her say that, Sakura was like family and still is, I love her. I didn't really know what to say so I didn't say anything, just nodded. Naruto looked between the two of us. He didn't know what was going on, all he knew is that me and Sakura weren't on speaking terms and it bothered him.

"I just don't get it, Sasuke. You could have everyone, anyone you want! But, no! You had to choose her, Hinata out of every girl on this earth!"

I saw Naruto rise from his chair and look at me like I just murdered a person, which to him I might as well have. Sakura was 'cleaning' a table, meaning throwing things from right to left and the placing them back.

"She's not...something you can toy with. Hinata, she's..."

Sakura almost started to cry. And that's when I understood that I had to say something, something to make things better. But what could I say? I had no idea why my 2 best friends loved you some much, why they wanted you to themselves or at least that's what it seemed to me.

"Nothing...happened"

"Don't you lie to me!"

Sakura turned to me and once again she threw a empty box at me, she was so very violent lately. I was worried, she looked so...different. Crying, screaming, throwing things, I never saw her so desperate but it looked good on her. Naruto hit me because I smirked, I didn't mean to!

"I'm not lying, whatever...that was it was nothing you should worry about Sakura"

The conversation was over because she ignored me and so did Naruto. The next day both of them showed at my door like nothing happened and we went to eat something and then watch a movie, things were back to normal, normal before I met you, normal before you caught my eye.

Xxxx

I tried to get hold of you only to find out that you left for Kiri once again. Summer was almost over when you came back home. All that 'nothing' I kept telling Sakura and Naruto about seemed nothing at that time but when I saw you walking through the busy streets all these feelings came back to me and they meant something. Not sure what but...something. You didn't change much but not seeing you for so long made me forget just how beautiful you were. I was so deep in these feelings for you, I could hardly see the exit anymore and I was slowly walking deeper into the dark, losing myself along the way.

After you went to your apartment to leave your luggage you went to the park for a walk…not that I was following or anything, I just happened to pass by...(yea sure), anyway I was scared of what might happen, of what you were about to say. Our eyes met and you got up from the swing so fast I almost didn't see it, everything was blurry until you were in front of me, your arms around my waist, face buried into my shirt.

I wrapped my arms around your shoulders and put my chin on your head, that's when I noticed just how perfect you fitted into my arms. Sakura's hurt and Naruto's disappointed face rushed to me but I just ignored them because that felt right. We stayed like that for a moment before you started talking and I really wish we could have just stayed like that forever, no words were needed but you insisted on talking.

"Sasuke"

And so our routine started, you looked away, I looked over your shoulder at the tree and watched as the wind made it move in mystic ways, sad moves almost like a dance to mourn its lost finery. Summer wasn't over but trees had no more leaves. The wind was cold, it would be a long autumn in Konoha.

"Hi"

In the end I said that, just a whisper still not looking at your but noticing that you looked back at me. You wanted to say something, didn't you? The park was quiet which was unusual especially around this time of year. No kids laughter, it seemed that the world was on pause and only we were 'talking'. Finally after a few more moments I looked at you. 'beautiful' that was all I thought.

None of us said a thing, I don't know what we should have said to make it better…what could I have said? 'I missed you'? Was I even allowed to do that, what were we?

"I missed you"

You said it and it felt…painful. The words themselves were all I ever wanted from you, I guess. But the way you said it, emotionless, just like a lie, made it hurt.

"Mhm"

All I could do was nod, and I walked away. You didn't follow and I'm still not sure if I'm glad or not that you didn't. Summer was over, so was the heath, autumn was here making preparations for winter to come and kill everything. Even me. The snow would bury me alive and let me freeze, by the end of winter I would be dead.

 **Hinata's pov**

After I got home that night wearing almost nothing, holding a pair of very high heels into my hand and walking on shaky legs because it was hard to focus I found out that my parents talked. That made my skin crawl and I wanted the earth to shallow me alive.

My parents got a divorce around the time I was 5 and my mother moved to Kiri, me my sister and my cousin both moved to Konoha with my father, but sometimes around the summer my mother would invite all of us (except my dad of course) to Kiri.

The very next day we were already on our way and I couldn't be happier. It was bad that my mom called dad instead of one of us because even over the phone all they did was fight, but I liked the idea of being in Kiri.

I love Konoha I do, but it feels so small and suffocating here around summer. For almost a month I didn't talk to anyone from home but then Sakura called to invite me to a 'trip' we were supposed to go to the beach. I turned her down so she changed to a hotel with a pool I still said no but, we all know Sakura when she wants something she gets it and that's it.

In the end we both came, me and Neji. A few other people were there, friends and you of course. We just arrived and the next second I saw Naruto take off his shirt and pants and jump into the pool. It was nice to see him like that, I almost smiled.

I didn't know how to swim so I just dipped my feet in while reading but someone (you) pulled me in the pool, it was a good thing it wasn't very deep if I was on my tip toes my mouth would be out but I panicked, out of an adrenaline bust I slapped you.

I felt strange around you, I wanted to punch you just to kiss away the pain, I wanted you to touch me so I could slap you again, I wanted your eyes to never leave me but I didn't like how your stare felt. I was…avoiding you. When our eyes did meet I'd just pretend it never happened.

After a few more thinking I decided I should talk to you, I came to your room. You opened the door and my mouth was dry. I stared at a blank wall trying to come up with something to say…anything. But you talked first, your normal 'hi'. I took the courage to look at you and I felt fascinated after just a few days ignoring you I had forgotten how perfect you looked. I smiled, I know I did.

"Hey"

You were staring and I found that funny, I didn't mind it, not now. You finally questioned why I was there and I answered honest, I just wanted to apologize. While saying this we both looked away, moments later I was staring at your jaw, nose, forehead, neck, shoulder. You smiled and I rolled my eyes, finally I came inside the room. It was awkward.

"Your room is so much bigger than mine!"

You came behind me and all of a sudden I was very aware of the closed door, of the bed, of you. You're perfection. For a moment I wanted things to take this twist and my heart skipped a few beats. Your hand was on my forearm, chin on my shoulder and lips almost touching my ear. Time stopped, your ice-lime smell made me feel drugged, my skin was once again burning and I just wanted to tell you not to move. But you opened your mouth…

"Wanna share it?"

Hearing those words freaked me out, not because you said those…I knew it was a joke! I freaked out because that sounded actually very…appealing. I had to get away so I left. I was praying for you not to come and you didn't but once I reached my room and I was alone with my thoughts I really wanted to go back to you and…I don't know. Something? Hug you? Accept your little joke? I had no idea, I was so confused and mad at myself!

I was so afraid of talking to you, I was sure I'd say something dumb and things would turn sour so...I decided to just avoid you...again. I really had to stop that. But I couldn't. Ignorance was my only self-defense. You were Sasuke, I didn't meet you long ago, but I noticed things like how high your self-esteem is and just how people around you worship you (especially girls). You were everything I wanted to be.

XXXXX

I filled my time by talking to Gaara, I had forgotten how wonderful it was just to sit next to him, out shoulders, arms, knees touching. Gaara has this way of knowing what to say and when to say it, when to be quiet, what matters not to address. Maybe him being in control all the time made me feel so good around him because I didn't have to think, just follow him around. Plus Gaara never judges anyone you can do whatever you want in front of him without having to worry. He has a silent way of letting you know when you crossed a line, telling you to stop for a moment but only with his eyes never making you feel bad.

I let my head fall to his shoulder and took his hand and intertwining out fingers, we stood like that for a few moments. Gaara was never the person I spent every day together with, but he was the kind of person that I could be apart from for ages and when we met we still would fall back to how we were, there was a long time in my life when he was my favorite person in the world.

"You didn't tell me you were coming. I found out from Ino who found out from Sakura who knew from Naruto"

Gaara squeezed my hand and murmured a small 'mhm'. He didn't apologize, he knew I forgave him the second I saw him, he had and probably still has this effect on me. I moved closer to him and breathed in his sandal wood scent. It reminded me so much of the time we lived in Suna.

When my parents were together we lived there, than the divorce came along and we moved to Konoha and mom to Kiri. I was in deep thoughts when Gaara let go of my hand and moved his arm over my shoulder, bringing me even closer. I looked at my hand and it felt so very cold but not even a second later his other hand was holding mine.

"You know…he's not that bad"

I knew he was talking about you but I chose to ignore that and Gaara didn't push it.

XXXX

I finally found some courage to go and face you. It was right before we had to leave the hotel and go back home. . During the time when I avoided you when we were in the same room I'd look at you at least once every 5 minutes, I never thought it would be this hard to avoid someone. So I went into your room. It was very strange to be in there again. I couldn't look at you, especially since you were sitting on the bed...so I was just staring at something, somewhere far away.

I tried to make it sound different, not so...needy and creepy. I tried for 5 minutes to reformulate what I was about to say to you but the silence was eating me alive so I just said whatever came out of my mouth the first time.

"Maybe I do"

Panic ran through me. What the hell was I saying ? I saw that you were confused too. Ugh! I made another pause to think again and finally I came up with an explication. It wasn't very good...but at least I said it out loud and it was a better start then I thought.

"Maybe I do want to share a room"

I almost slapped myself. But you smirked and it was so beautiful. I couldn't help but touch you. I didn't dare go for the skin so I shoved my hand into your hair. It was so soft and beautiful. I opened my mouth to say something, and to be honest I'm glad I didn't. 'I think I...like you' Yea right. Way too soon and I'm not even sure I would have had the guts to say that out loud. Anyway the door opened and Sakura came in. My blood froze. I didn't know what to do when I heard her voice.

"Hinata?"

"Sakura...uh, hey"

Sakura kept looking at both of us but you didn't say a word. In the end she looked back at me and finally asked what I knew she would. Her green eyes were narrow, arms crossed and lips glued.

"What are you doing here...?"

"Um...i was just-"

I was in the middle of making an excuse, a really lame one as well, when I felt you touch my neck and then your hand traveled down my back. At the beginning your touch scared me but in a few moments I relaxed and I felt like I was melting. I felt your stare on my back as well and I loved all the attention you were giving me. Time stopped and so did my heart. I almost laughed at my silliness from before. 'I think I like you' my ass...I liked you, a lot. But Sakura shoved you hand away and she screamed at you.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

I just turned around and smiled at you. I don't know why, but you smiled back and Sakura vanished all of a sudden. Your free hand brushed my jaw and moved down to my collarbone and stayed there for a moment. I was doing my best to make my heart beat steady because it beat like crazy. Finally you cupped my cheek and I just blinked faster because I was so confuse. This was so strange! You were so close and I was so comfortable with you being there, hell I wanted this to last longer and I wanted you to get closer and closer to me.

"Stop it..."

I heard Sakura whisper and reality came back and it was just like someone poured a bucket of ice water on me. I couldn't help but start crying. Sakura was talking with me and I didn't know what to tell her. It was like my brain turned off and I just felt the urge to cry and pour all my stress, sadness and confusion in tears and let them out. But your strong arms came around me and I felt safe, you smelled you so good and I finally calmed down. I wrapped my hands around you and let myself sink in your hold, into the warmness.

Sakura started to talk to you and all the tears came back, just hearing her voice while I was so close around you felt wrong. I wanted to push you away and tell her it was nothing and pull you closer and tell you not to let go at the same time.

"Sakura…I don't think this has anything to do with you. Am I mistaken?"

Your voice was so deep and it send chills down my spine and it felt just like when you touched it with your hand. I heard Sakura walk away and slam the door. Right as she left my tears started to flow and I just sit there. You didn't say anything. I heard your heartbeat and it calmed me after some time. I couldn't look at you, I was so ashamed so I just left.

Xxxx

In the end we left and I went with my cousin back in Kiri. I love Kiri it makes me feel so free and insignificant, like no matter what choices I make none cares, and that takes a burden from my shoulders. Well almost every day I thought about you at least once. Anyway, a few days before I left Kiri I told TenTen about you, about how we stalked each other about how awkward things were between us, about how I avoid you so freaking often and I just want to stop it, I told her about Sakura and Naruto. All she told me was 'You have to decided if you like him or not and stop playing with his feelings. Don't think so much anymore and just...go with whatever comes to your mind first'

Of course at the beginning I didn't. When I first saw you after I came back it was kind of a reflex to hug you...but after that I just said your name and you said your normal 'Hi' oh how I missed that. But after that we both looked another way. I started thinking hard again, what should I say? In the end I went with...'I missed you' but it came out so...bad. I saw how your body went rigid and you just nodded before you left. I felt so stupid, I wanted to go after you but I didn't know what to say so I just let you leave.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello lovlies, i tried uploading before but for some reasons it didn't let me? Idk, i hope i'm not too late.**

 **Please enjoy, R &R**

 **Love Dia~~**

 **Hinata's POV**

The Hanabi festival was close. I knew I'd see you there and I was really trying hard to look...good. I ended up with a simple yukata but a complex hairstyle and like usually just a bit of make-up. I spent most of the time with Ino talking to her while my eyes followed you around. I was just waiting for the perfect moment to talk to you and try to fix things. Everyone walked around the stands, some of the guys played some games, some girls bought things to eat and other stuff but I didn't give any of them much mind I was looking at you. I couldn't talk to you until the fireworks.

I was finally in front of you, you looked so handsome and I almost lost myself in your image.

"I didn't mean it like that" I made a small pause trying to figure out what to say next. "I did miss you, I just…"

"Just…"

"Didn't know if it was my place to say that"

You laughed, just for a moment but I heard it and it was beautiful. I sighed in relief and I hugged you again, I felt this come more natural as time passed and it kind of became a habit.

"I was…thinking the same"

I couldn't really hide my enthusiasm and I didn't really try either. So once again I hugged you. This one was quicker especially since the fireworks started. They were so amazing.

"It's beautiful"

To be honest I felt you look at me the whole time. You didn't even watch the fireworks did you ?

Even back than it was so easy for you to forgive me, you always did.

xxxx

Everyone left to go to their own houses but before I could walk towards my home Sakura asked to talk to me. I was scared of what she would say...i was making all these scenarios in my head about her telling me we're friends no more or not to talk to you again, it was hurting my heart, a lot.

"Hinata, I'm...so sorry"

Not even in my wildest dreams did I think she'd apologize...i looked at her surprised and she just smiled at me and hugged me close. I hugged her back, I love Sakura. She's such a nice person always putting the other before her and I can't really say anything bad about her, of course friends sometime fight and things like this but that's just normal.

"Sasuke was right. Whatever the two of you...are doing, it's none of my business. It's just I don't want you to get hurt."

Sakura's words were so warm but the way she said them was so distant and cold I felt every letter stab my heart and I could only give her an apologetic smile, she noticed it and shook her head. Once again I made one of the persons that cares the most about me cry. Sakura, I'm so sorry.

xxxx

For the few next days I didn't see you and to be honest I didn't really notice your absence. I know this might sound...mean but I do have good excuses! For once Ino was always around telling me about this mysterious crush she had, it was someone I knew but she wouldn't tell me the name and secondly I had to do some projects from art University after all summer was almost over and so was the holiday and least I was thinking about Sakura a lot, about what she said about what happened between us and everything, I was such a shitty friend, even back then I knew that.

xxxx

Just as we promised at the festival everyone met again at this club. This time I went dressed in my normal clothes. But it took me almost 2 hours to figure out what to wear and then another hour to get ready. I didn't usually care so much about how I looked. It's true I always wanted to look good but...this time I didn't 'want to' I 'had to', big difference.

I ended up in a light teal dress, it was long but cut till my tight and also on both hips it was cut in a diamond shape, it was also strapless. I curled the ends of my hair and applied a light make-up. Right before I left the house I had this inner fight with myself, high heels or flats? I hate high heels...but you're tall but I found out I liked the way I had to look up at you only to find your eyes already on me. In the end the comfort won so I went in flats.

xxxx

At the club we sat at this table and you were right next to me. When I saw that I actually felt this happiness grow inside of me but as minutes passes by I noticed something. You were ignoring me! That meant war, so I started to stick myself to you, I'd brush your shoulder, touch your hand and even bump my leg into yours under the table. This went on for 2 hours and 4 bottles of booze and... Nothing! I was giving you all my attention and I didn't even notice the pained expression on my best friend.

I felt like a fool! Everyone got up from the table but I stayed behind to drink a bit more, the girls were dancing and the boys were talking with some other girls, those chicks were laughing and I just wanted to stick a fork in their eye. It wasn't fair. Why was it so easy for them? I had this guy that seemed to like me and I liked back but when I tried something he just...just ignored me! God Sasuke you made me so mad. I made me so mad. Sakura made me so mad. I was just so mad!

Anyway after a few more glasses I was dizzy and I think that's from where I got the courage to go to where you were. The music was loud and I just wanted to get this over with so I called you name but you just closed your eyes and didn't respond. I reached for your arm and took the glass from your hand.

"Are you...avoiding me ?"

I still didn't get an answer. I got fed up with all of your ignorance so I touched your cheek and shoulder I freaking got on my tip-toes and still my eyes weren't higher than your nose. 'Why didn't I came in high-heels?'. Finally you answered and said you weren't. Sheesh, liar. You opened your eyes but didn't seem too surprised to how close I was. So I took a risk and got closer and closer. I wanted to kiss you so bad, maybe that was the alcohol talking but...it was true. Sadly I chickened out and only kissed the corner of your mouth...good enough I guess. I took a few moments to look at you but you didn't say or do anything and I wanted to cry again. I just stepped back and apologized.

I kept telling myself I had to go and run because that was enough embarrassment for one day but my legs didn't move. I was looking at your eyes but to be honest I felt the time stop, the color fade, the sound disappear, you weren't there either. I locked myself in this world where it was just me and the voices in my head telling me all the faults in my actions, mocking my very existence.

I heard my father's voice enumerate my past mistakes, I heard my sister listing reasons why I should be ashamed, I heard Naruto naming all my flaws, I even heard your voice call me a fool. I remembered just how sick and twisted this was, me liking you. How absurd of me it was to think that someone like you would like me. Around you I had this confidence like I was always wasted even if I wasn't but... it was starting to fade away.

I was begging my body to move and go away because I only imagined what was in your mind 'what is she still doing here? So foolish' it felt ages since I tried to kiss you that time at that one club, it felt like a distant memory that I still felt ashamed about. All of a sudden all the color and sound came back to me and you were so close. Your nose was touching mine, eyes were piercing my soul and I swear I thought you saw, heard all the things I said inside of my head. Your hands were on my back, I remembered the day in your hotel room and I almost smiled but your lips fell onto mine and I couldn't stop my hands, it was involuntary. They just wrapped around your neck and I felt you pull me closer. I felt so much drunker and confused.

'Don't just ignore me and make me feel like a fool if you're gonna kiss me after'

Like I was the one to talk...it was me that always ignored you wasn't it?

Xxxx

School started and I couldn't get away from the feeling that I was using it just as an excuse to avoid you, again, and it felt wrong but just thinking that I had to stay in front of you and talk, probably also talk about what happened at the club was scary. I had no idea what was going in my head that night, I regretted all of it. The flirting and the almost kiss that lead to an actually kiss! It's wasn't long but enough to get me addicted and then to be cruelly yanked away because it was wrong!

My mind would usually flow to toughs about you, but I'd do my best to run away from them. Sakura and Ino were busy with their opening as well so I hadn't seen them in a few days and I was glad. I have no idea how I could have faced Sakura, probably just one look from her and I'd spill all my secrets on the floor along with tears and I'd also beg her to forgive me...again. Of course I know Ino suspected something, her eyes would follow me around when we hung out once (she asked for help).

xxxx

Also that week I had an unexpected guest at my door, Naruto he came to talk to me. Seeing him shocked me so much I almost slammed the door in his face. He looked hesitating, scared almost, that made two of us. His blue eyes were watching me and my heart broke in pieces.

"Naruto..."

He just looked at me a little longer and let himself inside. My apartment wasn't big, but it was more than enough for me, especially since in the summer I was rarely there (usually I was in Kiri or my dad's) and during school I was at the University(ies) almost all day. The blonde boy looked around the living room eyeing all the changes, touching old pictures, reading the names of the books in my little shelf, more like reciting them then reading, he knew each one of them.

"You haven't changed this place much"

I didn't know what to say. If this came from anyone else it would make it so normal and just chit-chat but hearing it from Naruto felt wrong, suddenly I remembered the me from ages ago and I felt for her, she'd cry if she wasn't dead already.

"I didn't" and that was true, I didn't move anything.

Naruto was still with his back at me, he was examining a picture of me, a picture I was sure was imprinted in his brain anyway. He was taller, how didn't I notice that? His back larger, him being taller, his hair shorter, he wasn't that joker anymore he was more mature...not a lot but just a bit, he wasn't the same and I didn't even spot the differences until then. It's not like we stopped talking but we grew apart, sort of. This image seemed so familiar yet the fine details that were off made it also seem new and sort of blurry to me.

"I don't even know why I'm here" he stopped talking for a second and started again "my legs just...made their way over here" I heard the words that followed even if he didn't say them 'like they always did, whatever I do I always end up…here'

I felt tears burn behind my eyes and I had that awful feeling in my throat. Naruto, he was someone a few years ago I thought I couldn't live without, someone I worshiped and at that moment, looking at his back I just wished we would had never met. All the good times weren't worth the pain, all the heart throb wasn't worth the tears, all the late nights he used to whisper sweet things weren't worth the screams and fights, not even half. And I told him that, he just looked at me and nodded, that happened 2 years before, we were only 17.

"Sasauke...he's-"

"You never told me about him"

"I never thought you'd meet him"

I couldn't believe my ears, his lines were the same and I just wanted to hit him and scream on top of my lungs at him. But I didn't, I didn't move, I swallowed some of my saliva and licked my own lips almost preparing for my next words. Words that I knew would hurt both of us, deeply.

"You never thought I'd meet Sakura either"

Naruto, I never hated him, I couldn't. He just fit in my world and I tried to shove him away once it never worked so I let him be.

"Naruto...I didn't-"

I regretted saying that and I wanted to apologize but his low whisper stopped me.

"Hinata, in the end you were the one to hurt the most, that was a fucking mess. Everything I said then, I meant nothing" his voice grew in volume, he went from a whispering to shouting and then whispering again "Stop apologizing...please. I know that I never said this but, at that time I really...you"

Even now I could hear the word he never told me, the word I would never hear from him, the word I wanted and craved the most even then after 2 years if he told me that word I'd had probably thrown myself at him. Anyway, the tears could no longer be held back. I remembered all the good times, those that I said weren't worth the pain and I imagined never living them and it felt horrible. I wanted to know them, to live them, to remember them: each move, each word and I was a liar all this time, not meeting Naruto would have been far worse.

"Me too"

Those were the only words I could let out between the sobs. Naruto got closer but not close enough to touch me, to hold me and tell me things were fine like in the past.

"I'd hug you but...that's not my place"

I knew it wasn't but him saying that out loud made it feel so real and everything from 2 years ago came rushing to me, the feelings they were messing me up. The memories, the good ones were like honey pouring on top of my heart but the bad ones made me want to rip my heart out and show it to him, give it to him and just let him do whatever because I was already so broken...what else could he do? All these years I told myself I was fine but just an unspoken word set my world on fire. It was so scary just how much he still meant to me.

We stayed like that for a second longer, me crying and him just watching. But it wasn't long before he crossed the line he promise he wouldn't. His strong tan arms held me close, the familiar smell and warmth made me feel worse, if that was even possible.

"I'm sorry, I can't just watch"

Naruto, even now I stay up at nights and think about him, I know how this sounds but I also know you're aware of that, I think about how things would have turned out if he said the 'L' at least once, but I never find the answer because I'm afraid to find out, him saying that would mean you and me would be nothing but 'friends'. Sasuke, I love you. And this time it was my fault and I want to apologize...I never meant to hurt you.

Anyway...going back on track, Naruto didn't stay long after.

"I'm sorry for passing by..." I wanted to tell him not to apologize for that, but I couldn't

That evening I ended up looking at pictures, remembering things, fights but also happy memories and fights and fights and screams.

Xxxx

 _The wind outside and all the thunders weren't quiet as loud as the screams from inside. I was crying_

 _This scene was so familiar to me, people fighting, hurtful words being thrown around like they meant nothing._

 _Sakura was gesticulating all over the place while Naruto was looking at her like he might hit her, at some point I really feared he would._

 _I wanted quiet, I wanted warm and peace, I wanted him to stay and her to go. I wanted her to stay and him to go. I wanted both of them to be gone. I kept thinking about that…than I realized what I actually wanted was to go back in time, before I bumped into Naruto that day when I was 14, I wanted to go back to when I was almost 17 and turn down his date invitation, I wanted to go back in time to when Ino introduced me and Sakura and hate her, like I thought I hated her than._

 _I'm the kind of person that gives up, I always have been, but I loved Naruto, but I needed her too, but I didn't want them to hate each other._

 **Sasuke's POV**

The next time I saw you was actually that week at the Hanabi festival. We all went there. Hinata why were you watching me? I know I'm not in any position to ask that but… you were 'spying' on me. To be honest I liked it but…the thing you said still hurt I guess. Such a meaningless gesture, such a small thing could make me feel more pain than a punch, of course only if those things were about you.

Right before the fireworks you finally decided to come out and talk to me. You looked like a goddess in your simple yukata. Hair pinned in a very complicated style. Make-up light yet very attractive.

"I didn't mean it like that" a pause "I did miss you, I just…"

"Just…"

"Didn't know if it was my place to say that"

You were thinking like me and that amused me and I let out a chuckle, your shoulders immediately relaxed, were you…afraid? Afraid of what I might say? Tell me Hinata, when did you discover your feelings for me ? Were you feeling something already? You hugged me just for a moment.

"I was…thinking the same"

Your eyes lightened and I earned myself another quick hug, all of a sudden the fireworks started. And you let go, the heath of your body pressed against mine was the best feeling in the world, your smell made me dizzy and I could never get enough of it, even now if I could I would spend hours with my nose in your hair and just breath in your scent. Going back, the fireworks were illuminating the dark sky, you watched them but I was staring at you.

"It's beautiful"

'You are' I almost said that, how cliché of me.

Everyone parted ways with the promise to meet again before the school year started

Xxxx

The next day in the morning I had this urge to hear your voice and I cursed myself. I didn't have your number or whatever. I wasn't really the 'social websites' person so I had no facebook, twitter, tumblr or whatever there is.

I didn't even see you that day. I almost asked Sakura for your number, almost. I wasn't that bad, at least not yet. Sakura, my friend, my family someone I couldn't live without no matter what I say, for her I decided to at least try and stay away. Of course that was easy to say in words...

So the next few days I spend them around Gaara, we were good friends but we didn't spend much time since he came back. We stayed in his house and watched a couple of horror/disgusting movies, ordered some food and played some games. Gaara just looked at me and didn't say a thing, I knew he wouldn't. That's why I went there in the first place. We had this unwritten, unspoken agreement to never say anything. Even so right before he closed the door and I walked away.

"You're screwed"

I laughed for a second and I could see the amusement in his eyes as well. He said it and it felt good to hear it, I knew it and so did he. Gaara was just like me he knew what I needed and when I needed it.

"I know"

Now it was his time to laugh and he did while giving me a pat on the shoulder and then slamming the door in my face.

Xxxx

School was 3 weeks away and to be honest I couldn't care less, actually for me University was an escape from reality, while I was in classes all the problems from outside were nothing. But until school started we promised to meet again, all of us and so we did. We all went clubbing one night to blow off all our steam and drink our problems away, if you asked me at that time I would have said it was the best day ever but now I'm not so sure anymore, Hinata.

Anyway. Sakura and Ino as usual wore short and tight dresses with high heels and too much make-up, Temari and yourself were more decent, Temari wore shorts and a strapless top, you had a long dress almost the color of Gaara's eyes, it was cut around your waist on each side, also cut until your mid tight, with every step you took I could see your long legs and God it was so tempting. I'm not good with make-up but compared to Sakura you didn't seem to have any on.

The music was loud and we all sat at a table to 'talk' more like shout what we had to say and also drown in booze. 'shy' Kiba told me that you were 'shy'. But were you really? Were all your looks at me shy? Was the constant attempt to 'touch' me shy ? Your leg would bump into mine under the table, your hand would brush mine from time to time. I liked the attention but, it was making the 'promise' I made to myself harder to keep.

After at least 4 bottles of alcohol everyone was on their feet moving more or less to the beat. Hands in the air, skin touching, sweat, hair waving in every direction, in one word, club. What part of you was shy?

"Sasuke!"

As soon as I hear your voice I closed my eyes. Only to feel your hand on my forearm and I remembered the other guy you laughed with. I breathed in and out waiting for you to either say something else or leave. Your other hand took the glass out of my hand and placed it on a nearby table. Not even then did I open my eyes.

"Are you...avoiding me?"

I was, how did it feel? You avoided me before and it felt terrible, did it hurt you as much as it hurt me? When I didn't answer your right hand just cupped my cheek and you placed the other hand on my shoulder. God you were so tiny. You hand to stay on your tip-toes to do this.

"I'm...not"

Finally I opened my eyes and realized just how close you were, inches away. Hinata what were you doing ? I didn't move, I didn't breath. You just kept leaning in and finally your lips touched the corner of mine. Somehow awkward, a kiss, half on lips and half on the chin. You baked away a bit just to look at me, I didn't give you anything, no reaction at all.

"Sorry"

In the end you let go and took a step back, but you didn't leave. All that you did that night seems so...out of place Hinata and I still have no idea what was in your head. Why'd you flirt with me, why'd you try to kiss me?

I have to admit, I'm weak when it comes to you. I broke my promise to myself because after another 5 minutes of awkward staring at each other I gave in and moved towards you, I couldn't endure it anymore. That was out first real kiss. Your hands around my neck, your body against mine, my hands on your small back pulling you closer. It wasn't very passionate or whatever, just...a normal kiss.

Xxxx

That night all I could think about was how screwed up this was, I wanted to ignore you and it shouldn't have been too hard especially since you used to ignore me but of course not! You had to go out of your way to flirt with me and all that. And a moment of weakness made me fall for it and we kissed, and it was perfect, only that it wasn't good.

Thank God school started and I was able to lose myself into studying…it was still a good escape from you, at the beginning.

After a few days I'd find myself in class not paying attention to the teachers and their explaining but thinking of you, your smile and I'd smile too. Kiba would tell me after class that I should cut it out because it was 'creepy as fuck'.

I tried to, believe me I did. But the more I tried the harder it was, the more I missed you. I even came up with this plan to see you just to calm down for a few days, I just didn't know how to do it.

In the second week we had this project to do, we were given clues and stuff and we had to build a case against the person we thought was guilty, of course I did it and I was right about the murderer it's just the teacher in charge told me he was 'expecting something more' from me.

I was so disappointed in myself, not only I was a mess but I actually let it get to my academic life and that wasn't good. I'm not what you'd call a 'geek' not even close but, this was my career and I wanted to be a detective since forever so everything had to be…perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

**New chapter, thank you for the reviews, i know it may seem a little boring that i'm retelling the same thing twice from both of their POVs since only a few things change, which are their thoughts not the action. it's only like that for a few more chapters because as we go on with the story their sides will be different and they'll talk about different moments, it's just for now. i hope you still enjoy reading it thou**

 **Please R &R, Love Dia~**

 **Hinata POV**

The next time you and me met, it was kind of awkward (at least for me). I went into the town to buy some groceries and we met in the bread section. Our eyes locked for what felt like an eternity and from behind you came Naruto holding in his hand a random bread, he was looking at it very focused and asked you if that one was fine, because you didn't answer Naruto looked up. This was so uncomfortable.

"Hinata…hey"

Naruto was the first to say something but I just nodded at him, I took a bread, any bread and walked past both of you. I didn't look behind but I heard Naruto saying your name confused. A few seconds later your hand was on my shoulder.

"Hinata"

Your voice was so low you were breathing hard, like you've been running for ages. I looked at you and titled my head to the right, closed my eyes and licked my lips trying to figure out what to say. Anything would have been fine at that time, now I think I should have apologized or left...either would have been better then...

"Hi"

Our roles were reversed, I used to say your name and you'd just whisper an 'hi' this time it was the other way around. You turned your head to look at Naruto and told him something, I suspect something along the line of 'see you later' because you took my arm and we left the shop also leaving all the objects I picked in my cart there.

"S-sasuke…"

I cursed myself for stuttering, it was an old habit but I got rid of it in middle school, it just decided to come back now, great, I guess old habits die hard. I was scared of you, of what you'd say and what I'd say. Because when I was around you only crazy things came out of my mouth.

I looked at your back and remembered something from a long time ago, years before we met, ages before I ever knew I'd meet you.

Xxxx

 _"_ _He's very…dark and mysterious, private but we've been friends for a long time, I don't know what to do"_

 _Sakura's soft voice stopped and her eyes looked at me with hope and expectation, she wanted me to understand her, her ways, her feelings...but I didn't not quite._

 _I didn't really expect her to talk to me about somebody she liked, hearing it was a bit of an itch, but I didn't stop her, I just nodded along._

 _"_ _I just can't get over my feelings for him. The way his gaze makes my body feel hot. I know he doesn't see me as anything more than a friend, sister maybe. But it hurts seeing him with other girls, just talking with them, because one day a girl that knows nothing about him will just come and steal him from me."_

 _I could understand that at the time, just the fact that you wanted someone for yourself but..._

 _I wasn't one to judge her feelings. I did tell her about the guy I was dating later on that day. The second I brought it up I wanted to disappear, it feel fair, maybe it was kind of petty revenge, even so the hurt look she gave me wasn't worth it. I thought I'd feel better if I hurt her back, but I just felt worse._

Xxxx

Remembering that conversation with Sakura hurt, if you didn't realize that her 'crush' was you, Sasuke then you were blind, it was so obvious. I felt so filthy and disgusting, a person I'd be disturbed only to look at. I didn't know what to do.

The back of your head was forcing me to remember Sakura but the warm of your hand made me forget her the next second. The thought of your lips on mine made me lose my balance but Naruto's hurt expression from a few days ago made me want to run away from you, the slow wind made my teeth chatter but the idea of your gaze on me made my face hot. Everything was such a mess in my head.

You stopped but I didn't and I walked right into your back. Neither of us moved, I wanted to take a step back but the heath coming from you was relaxing. So I just sat there breathing in and out your scent. You smelt like...home? You know the feeling when once we went to your parents place and the second you walked in your shoulders relaxed? Yes, the exact same feeling.

Suddenly you turned around and I was facing your chest, irrational, that's what I was around you. My hand found its way to your shoulder and I felt you tense I know that if I was in my right mind I would have been tense too.

Your eyes started to go lower from my face to my torso, legs and then back to my face, lips to be more exact. That set my skin on fire and even if the wind was pretty cold I was so hot in my thin jacket. Your face lowered and we were inches away when you talked.

"I missed you"

I didn't even have time to answer because your lips were on mine. The memories from the club came to me, the realization that we were kissing hit me, hard and if it weren't for your strong arms I would have stumbled and fell, I was weak into your arms and it felt wrong for one millisecond but then it felt right, perfect and I didn't want it to stop. When it did I left out a sigh of relief and I saw you smirk at me.

"Sasuke" I whispered and touched your cheek, you were so handsome even now when I look at pictures of you sometimes I'm just amazed by your beauty.

"Hinata. I think we should talk, don't you agree?"

I nodded not trusting anything that might come out of my mouth. Whenever I was around Naruto it was like the world was sparkling but around you everything was black, there was none else but you and you alone. At that moment I asked myself if this is what love felt like. You said something but I didn't hear you. I felt tears coming and I just wanted to stop them, I didn't what you to see me cry…

"Hinata, you listening?"

I shook my head and you rose an eyebrow.

"Sasuke...this" I looked at you and then at my feet "Whatever this is, it's…wrong"

I let go of your hand that I didn't even realize I was holding. Your face twisted in pain at then anger, but I wasn't finished.

"But...I can't help the way I feel a-about you."

My voice dropped but your eyes were wide open now and I earned myself another one of your smirks. You looked at me in a way my little sister looks at sweets and believe me every girl wishes to be looked at like that. My heart melted and I just let myself in your hands.

As you took hold of my hand and started walking again I realized that all this time we were in the parking lot of a supermarket. I looked behind me and saw none we knew and to my surprise I was...disappointed. I think I was pouting because you looked at me from the corner of your eye and started to laugh, oh God...your laugh gave me the chills, the soft and low vibration…I've never heard something that wonderful.

Xxxx

The shop we were at that time is across the street from Café Noir, after we left the parking lot we went to the right (the opposite way from where my apartment was). We passed the park and I saw the bench you once sat on, we passed the play-ground I was gazing at at that time we left the park through the back and we were in an apartment-buildings neighborhood, old buildings nothing like the new ones I live in, the ones made especially for students.

The inside was just as I expected pastel colors, high ceilings and long hallways. The temperature dropped a bit when we got inside, our steps on the marble floor was echoing, bouncing through the thick walls. It didn't smell of anything. On the third floor we stopped at the first door to the right. Only then did you let go of my hand, you unlocked and walked inside and I followed without even thinking.

We were already in your living room when I realized. I was in your house, we were alone. I felt an electric rush though my veins, that feeling of fullfillness made me realize that this wasn't just an ordinary crush anymore. I started thinking 120 km/second, but all those thoughts were coming easy just because Sakura's horrified expression wasn't in front of me, Naruto's warm yet sad hand wasn't on my shoulder.

"Hinata?"

Your voice broke me from my thoughts and I looked over at you, on the sofa looking at me and gesturing to sit beside you and I did. You almost took your hand away from me to place it on your knee but I took it and held on to it, I still have no idea why I did that or from where I got the courage. It always seemed like I'm braver, untouchable, bolder, around you. It felt nice.

"I was thinking...we should talk about 'whatever this is' as you said"

I just nodded and looked at your hand again, I turned it over and traced with my pointer finger all the lines from your palm, making a map of it, again and again I was trying to memorize it, I don't know why but I loved the feeling, sitting and doing nothing with you was amazing.

"So where should we start?"

I shook my head again, indicating that I don't know, I didn't take my eyes off your palm. I didn't know how to face you, I wanted to talk, I really did.

"Hinata"

Finally I looked at you and I was shocked you were so much closer than I expected, when I turned my face our noses brush and I tried swallowed my nerves, didn't work out too well.

Neither of us said anything but my hand left your palm and I placed it on your chest, I wasn't sure myself if I wanted to push you away or pull you closer. You looked at me and rose a brow again, I noticed you did that often, I liked it.

"Yes?"

I said that in an attend to make things less...tense. And you smiled which made me smile, I felt you slowly push me on my back, I didn't panic and that was unusual... my head was on the armrest, my body was under yours and I could feel all the heath coming from it, the pressure your weight created was glorious.

In the end our lips met and something in my head broke because I let go of everything I felt and we kissed again and again. Sadly, of course it came to an end when you rose and looked at me frustrated.

"Ok talk, what is...this?"

You seemed mad and I didn't know what to say, I was strangely very calm and I got up as well, your back was to me. I hugged you from behind and let my head onto your back, I was small and you were tall and I bet we looked funny, but it felt right to do that.

"This is...whatever we want it to be, so tell me Sasuke...what do you want it to be ?"

 **Sasuke POV**

The next weekend Naruto came to my apartment looking like shit, I didn't know what was wrong and I never asked because it would have just made things worse. I just looked at him and offered him a beer, we ended up watching some disgusting Tv show and then play some poker, I know poker sucks in 2 but what can you do. My friend, brother was upset and I had no idea what to do about that, especially since Naruto was rarely ever upset. I realized just how little attention I had given him or anyone else since I met you, that's why I tried to widen my horizon once more by not thinking about you every single second. I did try, but…

Slowly I started to accept this, whatever it was, I started to understand that no matter what I did there was no way I could get you out of my head and I didn't actually mind, you were beautiful and everything so the image of you all day long in my head never bothered me that much. Your eyes were large, round and beautiful, you have perfect arched eyebrows and long dark lashed. Your lips were full and your nose small. Your bangs were straight and they offered as the perfect frame, in other words you were extremely beautiful.

I just wished we could have meet sooner and make things clear, I didn't want to wait too much and let myself fall too deep into these feelings only to find out there was nothing and I was the fool, though I was pretty sure and confident you were thinking about me just as much as I was thinking of you. The times when I didn't think I was good enough, when I thought you were an angel and I was just a mortal that didn't deserve your attention seemed like a stupid joke, of course I was good, of course I was worth your attention, actually I was craving all of it, just thinking that you'd look with interest at someone else was crazy, I was Sasuke Uchiha after all, who would have been better than me? My confidence was back and that was really good, I really needed it around you

Xxxx

I met with Naruto when I was on my way to pick up so groceries and he asked me come along, of course I said no, but we all know him so he dragged his there anyway. That's what was going on when we bumpted into you. You seemed distressed.

You just took whatever you wanted and started to walk again, for a second I just stood and tried to think about what happened but I ran after you, well 'ran' you weren't that much in front but when I reached you it was hard to breath and I didn't understand why, I'm an athletic person I could run quite the distance without breaking a sweat, why was it so hard to catch my breath than ?

"Hinata"

You just looked at me and titled your head to the right, closed your eyes and licked your lips when I saw that I forced myself to look the other way, you were so...tempting but I wanted to talk before. But the memories from the club came coming.

"Hi"

When you said that I looked at Naruto and mouth to him that I was leaving, he seemed stoned. I took your hand and walked out of the shop leaving all your products there. As soon as we entered the parking lot I heard you say 'S-Sasuke' and I loved the way you stuttered my name, it gave me a strange satisfaction.

I was thinking how to say what I wanted, how to even start the conversation and then it hit me, I didn't really care how I started it all I cared about was how it would end. So I stopped walking and you hit my back, I waited for you to move back but you didn't and that made me smirk so I turned around to look at you.

You were the one to make the first move, your hand touched my shoulder and I tensed for a moment, I was wondering if you were drunk this time too. I looked at you, so beautiful. You didn't seem to have any make-up on but you looked better than most of the girls do with make-up on, the way you were dressed was usual but it looked so good on you. I couldn't help but check you out from head to toe then I looked back at your face, lips you were biting them.

I lowered myself and whispered a small 'I missed you' I wanted to wait and hear your respond but after 0.1 seconds passed and you didn't say anything I kissed you anyway, I know I was impatient and I was supposed to talk to you first but God was testing me and I failed the tests.

I felt your legs give in just in time to wrap my arms around you and keep you steady. After the kiss ended I heard you sigh with what seemed to me satisfaction and I smirked because that small sound you just made was for me and me alone, it was one of the best feelings in the world.

"Sasuke" You whispered and touched my cheek, I felt your eyes linger to my face for a moment too long and I enjoyed it, usually when girls stared at me it was a bother but you were different I wanted you to look.

"Hinata. I think we should talk, don't you agree?"

You just nodded and I wanted to start walking, I planned to take you to my apartment and talk there since...the parking lot of a random market place wasn't very...private.

"We should go talk somewhere more private "

I waited for your answer but when I didn't get any I just looked at you again and asked if you were listening but you shook your head no and I was confused...you said you wanted to talk and now you weren't listening to me.

"Sasuke...this" You looked at me for a millisecond and then back at your feet "Whatever this is it's wrong…"

Your hand let go of mine and I felt my world crumble to the ground, I honestly wanted to drop dead there and...and...Anyway I was angry at you too, why flirt with me a few weeks ago and get me into this mess if you didn't want to be any part of it. But you weren't done, your next sentence made me almost want to cry. You said you couldn't help your feelings.

I just took your hand again and started to walk toward my apartment and go with plan A, go there and talk. I felt you walk slower for a moment and I looked at you, you were looking behind us and I was sure you wanted to see if someone saw our little PDA but none was there so I thought it was fine, but you pouted, were you disappointed that none saw it?

Xxxx

You followed behind me with small steps, I couldn't help but think 'That's right. All you have to do is come after me. Just follow me for the rest of your life'. My apartment isn't something that grandiose but it's big and good enough for me. I only let go of your hand to unlock. I walked in and sat on the sofa but you didn't. You stopped and smiled. I was curious about what was going on in your head, after you finally broke from your world you walked towards me as well.

You sat down and you held onto my hand and started caress my palm with your pointer finger and I loved the ticklish feeling and also I enjoyed the attention you were giving my hand. But I wanted to get this conversation over with, so we could get to the fun part...if you know what I mean. Anyway this was new to me, I never actually had a 'talk' with a girl about 'what we are' so I didn't really know how to start it.

"I was thinking...we should talk about 'whatever this is' as you said"

You just kept doing what you were doing but I just knew you heard me, probably you didn't know what to say because I didn't either. Hinata what were you thinking then? I know you were paying attention to me too but there was something else on your mind, something that made you smile so beautiful a few moments ago, I'm still curious to be honest.

"So where do we start ?"

You shook your head for what felt like the hundred time that day and I grew impatient so I said your name a little louder then I wanted. But you looked at me in the eyes this time, finally, you turned your head so fast our noses brushed, your eyes were wide, you weren't expecting me this close? To be honest I have no idea when I leaned closer either so I was as shocked as you were.

"Yes...?"

Your voice was small and insecure but your body was the opposite since your hand was on my chest and I was expecting for you to push me away but you never did and it confused me but I tried my luck and pushed you down, you didn't protest, didn't fight me and I couldn't help this feeling of happiness and anticipation started to grow inside of me.

I couldn't wait anymore and I started kissing you but I stopped and I saw the disappointed expression you had and I really wanted to just make out with you again but I turned with my back to you. For a moment I just sat and thought about what just happened, your lips are so soft and sweet, I'm not very fond of sweets but your lips were different, I wanted to taste them forever. But the freaking talk! I was getting angry and frustrated.

"Ok talk, what is...this?"

I don't know what I was expecting you to say but there were some words I wanted to hear from you, did I want you to say we were together? Or something cliché like that? I don't know but you didn't answer, I heard you getting up and coming closer to me, I guess I just never expected for you to...hug me. Your slim hands were around my waist your head on my back and I felt your breasts pressed against my back as well, were you trying to calm me down or make me lose control Hinata?

"This is...whatever we want it to be, so tell me Sasuke...what do you want it to be ?"

Your words surprised me as well, I know now you were just dodging the question but at that time I was thinking just where did all of this confidence came from? I smirked to myself and turned in your hold, now you were leaning onto my chest. You didn't look up at me on your own but I forced you by rising your chin with my hand. I leaned closer and whispered into your ear.

"You're mine"

I felt you tense but you didn't let go of me and I supposed that was a good sign, I didn't mean to scare you away...again. I bit slowly onto your earlobe and the small noise you let out set my world on fire, I stopped and looked at you.

Your eyes were on the floor, you were tomato red, I rose your chin again to see you were biting your lip. God you were so beautiful.

I smiled at you and you were shocked, I could see it on your face.

"So, I only suppose the conversation is over, am I right?"

You didn't do or say anything. All I could do was think to myself 'This went better than I expected.'


	5. Chapter 5

**_Sorry it took so long to update, It's SasuHina month and i really want this year to make a story for each day. Once August is over i'll post all of them here, now you can read them on my tumblr (dianapana atm i have a pic of Neji as my profile)_**

 ** _Please enjoy, R &R_**

 ** _Love Dia~_**

 **Hinata POV**

I heard a knock on the door, my eyes flew to the clock on the wall, 6:28 pm, way too early. I stood still for a moment and thought, maybe it was someone else? Who else? I lost myself into thoughts until another knock was heard. Finally, my legs moved and I started to walk slowly towards the door. I took a deep breath in and opened the door, on the other side wasn't who I expected. Instead of dark hair was blonde, skin tan not ghostly pale. I started to panic.

"Naruto...wha- Why are you here?"

I saw him taking me in, every detail, from the burgundy dress to my stylish French braid and half done make-up, I was doing it when he knocked. I left the door open and went to continue adding eyeliner to my other eye.

"Bad time?"

"Sort of"

This felt so strange, a few days ago just being around him hurt but I felt...fine. I didn't mind him there it almost felt like he wasn't there at all, I couldn't help but smile and stare at my nails, I did them this morning, the baby blue nail polish looked good and it matched the jacket and shoes I planned on wearing. When I rose my head I saw Naruto staring at me in the mirror. He looked in pain.

"Something wrong?"

Naruto shifted from a foot to the other and he also averted his eyes, he never did that, at least I never saw him do that. He turned his back to me. I could see he was tense and his hands were shaking, if I didn't know better I would have thought he was angry, but why would he be.

"It's just..." He stopped, the silence fell into place for a few minutes "you look happy"

"Naruto, why are you here, really?"

I didn't look at his back anymore I was busy applying lipstick, almost done. I looked at the clock 6:35. I still had time to spare, maybe, if I was lucky Naruto would leave before it was time to go. I chuckled at my silly idea, it was Naruto, he was loud and he loved to waste time, there was no way he was leaving that soon.

Naruto didn't say anything else, which was strange. Well it's not like I tried to talk to him either, I was running around putting on a nice silver ring with matching necklace and also a silver bracelet with baby blue diamonds, also I got my jacket from the closet and filled its pockets, my phone, some money (not that I would need them) and my keys. The last thing was putting my shoes on. I looked at my heels and I almost wanted to give up and go with my black flats but that would ruin the matching I prepared. I sighed and put them on.

"You hate heels, why wear them?"

"They match"

I answered without even thinking, I looked up at him and expected him to have his usual grin on but he smiled at me sadly. I bit my lip and sat straight, looking at him into his eyes.

"Naruto, why did you come here?"

He simply shook his head and left, he wasn't one to do strange things like this so I was a bit confused but when I looked at the clock all thoughts about Naruto washed away. 6:49, almost time to leave. I took in a deep breath and sat on the sofa, waiting...waiting...waiting.

Time passed by, my jacket was on the floor, ring and bracelet on the table and shoes near my bare feet. I had my elbows on my knees and I kept looking at the clock, 8:12. Late...very, extremely late. The person I was waiting for wasn't coming and I understood that over 40 minutes ago but...maybe just maybe? I let my head fall and soon enough I fell asleep. I woke up when my phone rang, before I picked it up I looked at the clock, 10:27.

"Hello?"

"Hinta, I'm sorry I couldn't make it"

"It's fine, not like...I was waiting. To be honest I kind of forgot too…"

I looked at myself in the mirror, I had dark traces all over my face, the lipstick was gone and the braid was messy...I should have known. I closed my eyes and cursed myself for getting excited, it wasn't worth it.

"I really tried"

No, he didn't try. I could hear it in his voice indifference, I got up and walked back to my room I was about to take my dress off when I saw something, I looked...good. I titled my head and examined myself, 20 more minutes and I'd be ready to go. Where, I still didn't know.

"I'll come next time"

"Aa"

He muttered a goodbye and I hung up. I removed the mascara and eyeliner and did them again, I re-applied lipstick and undid my hair, it was wavy, I let it be. Instead of the baby blue pieces of jewelry I put on a black silver necklace and a pair of ruby earrings. I took all my things out from the pocket of my blue jacket and placed them into a black leather one and put my flats on, only the nails didn't match but no one was going to notice that and if someone did...so what?

I left my house and started to walk down the dark streets. I looked at my phone 11:09. I thought for a moment who to call, where to go, what to do. But I couldn't figure out any answered so I just let my feet take me wherever they wanted. It was a week day, during school so Ino and Sakura were probably busy with the 'beginning' of 3rd year, everyone says that's the hardest in Med school, I wouldn't know. To be honest that year I didn't really…pay attention.

10 minutes later I was in front of 'the club', the one I usually come with the others, the club where I first kissed you, Sasuke. I made my way to the front door, there the bodyguard looked at me and gave me a free pass. In the club was hot, smelly, dark and loud. I walked to an empty booth and placed my jacket there before going to the bar to buy myself something to drink, I was disappointed and miserable.

I took a place at a stool and waited, I didn't know what to get, I wanted something sweet but also something to knock me off my feet, something to make my thoughts go away. Before I could raise my hand and tell the barman my order a tall glass filled with a pink liquid was placed in front of me. I looked at the barman puzzled.

"That's on me, you looked like you needed a drink"

I just smiled at him before taking a sip from the drink, it was cherry flavored and pretty strong, the first gulp burned my throat. A man a few chairs away from me was talking with the bartender, I looked at the bartender, he had dark red hair and brown eyes, he looked somehow similar to Gaara. The man he was talking to had long blonde hair in a pony much like Ino. I took another gulp from the drink and I started to get hot, whatever this was it was very strong, but I enjoyed it. I shoved the rest of it down my neck. And placed the glass on the bar. I made a hand sign telling him I wanted another, whatever that was. In less than 2 minutes I got myself another glass of alcohol, this time it was blue. I rose a brow.

"Same thing, different flavor, don't drink it that fast princess it's strong"

I only nodded and looked at the glass, it matched my nails. And once again I remembered my perfect outfit for the night, in a moment of weakness I ignored the advice I was given and drank all the liquid in one go. When I placed the glass down both males were looking at me with a smirk on their faces.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Asked the blond one and I just smiled at my empty glass and asked for another.

"You have no idea"

"Anyway, I still think you should take it easy"

Said the red headed bartender as he placed another glass, this time it was lime green and the smell of lemon with mint filled my lungs, I was a little dizzy and it was very hot, 'yea I should slow down' I thought to myself . For almost 30 minutes I just stared at the glass in front of me drinking a little from it now and then.

I decided that after I finished this drink I'll go and dance for some time, of course, that was until I saw black eyes and black hair 5-6 chairs away.

"Can I have another one?"

The bartender changed and I didn't even notice it, this time it was a girl, her eyes were honey colored, red-orange hair and dark skin, she was beautiful. The girl placed another drink in front of me, blue again. I looked with disgust at the color but took it in my hand anyway. I got up and moved near the male. He was drinking shots and already had 6 small glasses turned up-side-down in front of him.

As I sat down he didn't even look at me, we stayed in silence for a few minutes before he looked at me for the first time and gave me a genuine smile.

"We meet again, my lady"

I giggled a little at his comment before I nodded and stared at the color of my nails. He drank another shot before placing a hand on my shoulder.

"So, what brings you here?"

"Problems…I guess? What about you—"

"Itachi"

"Itachi-san?"

"My friend is a bartender here, but I got here too late"

Again silence fell and I drank a little from my glass. A small image of my blue heels came in my mind and I narrowed my eyes. I felt disgusted with myself for even trying.

"What did the drink do to you to deserve such a dirty look?"

"The color, it bothers me"

He laughed shaking his head and rose his hand and asking the pretty bartender for 2 more shots. I bit my lip and thought back to my day, I lost it for nothing, I never enjoyed drinking or clubbing I usually came just because everyone else was here. I sighed.

"So, how's my brother?"

I looked at him puzzled. For a moment I didn't realize he was talking about you, I knew I met this man before but didn't quite realize when or where.

"He's…fine, I guess. I haven't talked to him today"

And it was true, you called but I was too excited for this…dinner to answer. I sighed again and looked at my phone. You send me a message as well but I didn't have time to read it, but I read it then.

'You free today? Call me later'

It was almost past midnight, it was late but...I was wondering if you were still awake, or if it was wise to call you when I was pretty drunk and kind of sad and also your brother was next to me. He looked at my phone and I bet he noticed your name because he got up and left, not before saying 'you should call' and I did.

 **"** **Hinata?"**

"Hey"

I didn't really know what to say the …last time when we talked it pretty much seemed like we started dating but…I sighed for the hundred time that day.

 **"** **Why didn't you call earlier? Where are you?"**

You were asking questions that made you seem worried but the way you said them…felt indifferent. It was silence where you were so I only assumed you were home.

"I'm…at K9 club"

I heard you moving, a door closed and you seemed to be flying down the stairs, you didn't say another word until a door slammed again and an engineer started, you were in your car.

 **"** **Alone?"**

"Yea…I mean there are people but…I'm alone"

 **"** **Hinata?"** you sighed and took a breath in **"are you drunk?"**

I stopped talking trying to figure out what to say, do I say yes? Do I lie?

"Yea…pretty much, a-and my drink makes me sad"

The last part wasn't something I planned on saying but it…slipped.

 **"** **Don't move I'll be there in 5"**

"Ok…I'm at the bar"

I hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment, I had a missed call. It was 00:28 and I was drunk, so I called back, if I were sober I know I would have waited, wrote down what I should say, plan. I called, it rang and rang and none picked up…I was relieved.

A few moments later you came from behind me and sat down. You didn't say anything so I talked first.

"I-I don't like this drink, the color matches my nails"

I showed you my hand and I also felt tears threatening to fall. You took my hand and place a kiss on it. You got up and dragged me to my feet as well. I saw you put some money on the bar before we started walking.

"You have a purse or jacket with you?"

I nodded and pointed to the area where I left my things, after we got my jacket and you helped me put it on you took me to your car, the drive to my house was quiet. When we reached my apartment you helped me walk to it, I wasn't that drunk…or so I thought, but I liked the feeling of being 'dragged'. You unlocked the door and we got in I wasn't really thinking much I was observing you.

"You going to tell me what happened?"

You said as we both sat on the sofa. On the table there still were my jewels, on the ground my heels and baby blue jacket. You looked at them and rose a brow.

"You went on a date?"

I laughed for a moment, I covered my mouth with a hand and then placed my head on your shoulder, you smelt like lime and snow. I closed my eyes and wondered if the green drink was my favorite because it reminded me of you.

"I didn't"

"Then?"

"I made plans to…go out on a dinner with…my father. I waited 3 hours he didn't come, I knew from the beginning he wouldn't show but I made plans, I put this outfit together. I…I was even going to wear heels!"

You chuckled and I looked at you with tears in my eyes. Your face was dangerously close. You smirked before leaning in more, our lips touched for a second and the kiss ended. I kept my eyes closed several seconds after it ended. When I opened them you were still smirking.

"So you got mad, you went out drinking. This meant so much to you that the simple fact that the drink was blue bothered you?"

I nodded and pouted, but you caress my arm and kissed my cheek.

"You should have called me earlier"

I rose from the sofa and went to my bedroom, I left you there for 10 minutes. When I came back I was wearing an old big t-shirt with leggings, no makeup on and my hair was in a messy bun. That's when I looked at you and noticed you were wearing a simple white t-shirt and gray sweatpants and a blue jersey, also your hair was messy. I sat back on the sofa and touched your hair.

"Were you sleeping?"

"Aa"

"Sorry"

I murmured an apology but before you could say anything else I asked you a question that I've been dying to ask.

"Are we dating?"

You looked stunned, I'm sure you weren't expecting this question, but I needed to know, to be sure.

"Yea, I guess so"

"Good"

I said without even thinking but that brought a smile to your face.

"Good? So you're glad, huh?"

"Um S-sasuke? There's something I want to tell you now so it won't be a problem later. Also, I don't think I'd be able to say this to you if I were sober"

Again you looked stunned, but you nodded and took my hand. It was you this time that caressed my palm with your pointer finger. I took 3 deep breaths in before looking at you.

"U-um…2 years ago, when I only knew-"

And I started to tell you everything.

 **Sasuke POV**

The next day after the 'talk' I woke up and felt strangely rested, it was an odd and unfamiliar feeling. After I took a long and relaxing shower I left to go for classes, I knew for a fact that you, Hinata didn't have classes today so I made a plan to call you later and meet for lunch or something, but when I called you didn't pick up.

After another hour you still didn't call back so I wrote you a text 'You free today? Call me later'. I went straight home and eat some lunch since you were too busy to meet with me. Every time something made a noise no matter how small I always looked at my phone, I didn't want to call again, I wasn't going to be the over-everything kind of boyfriend, but technical that was the first day since we were a couple so it would have been nice to spend some time together, or just talk.

I watched some stupid Tv show and then went to the gym to waste some time. The gym was close by and I usually went there so people knew my face around those places. I could feel a few eyes on me from now and then but ignored all of them. I wasn't one for social contact that much. Walking between the equipment I eyed a treadmill and I pretty much imagined you run there, all of a sudden the image of your back as you were jogging away popped into my mind and I smirked.

After clearing my head with some very needed exercises I went home to take another shower, when I got up I looked at the clock and saw it was already 11:38 so I decided to dress up casually, white t-shirt and gray sweatpants.

xxxx

The gym I go to is on the other side of the main street so technically 5 minutes away (maybe less). In my high school days I used to go there almost every day after I got suspended for a fight and kicked out from the soccer team. It was a way to waste time and also keep me in shape.

The gym isn't very big and mostly only people from my neighborhood and the one on the other side come here. The owner Guy is a little bit eccentric but he's on my list of 'good people' since for the first 2 months he let me go there for free.

xxxx

Finally you called, it was 00:24 am. I answered and waited for a moment, it was loud and I almost couldn't hear your voice over the music. You were in a freaking club.

"Hinata?"

 **"** **Hey"**

You said that in the same small voice and a sigh followed by, you seemed depressed.

"Why didn't you call earlier? Where are you?"

 **"** **I'm…at K9 club"**

As soon as I heard that I got up took a random jersey and I was already flying down the stairs to get to my car. I got into my car and started it, I was already on my way there when I talked again.

"Alone?"

 **"** **Yea…I mean there are people but…I'm alone"**

"Hinata?" I sighed and took a breath in "are you drunk?"

 **"** **Yea…pretty much, a-and my drink makes me sad"**

My eye twitched and I shifted my phone from an ear to the other, you were drunk alright. I sighed, I was so annoyed and frustrated. I waited for you to call all day and you were in a club? Drunk!

"Don't move I'll be there in 5"

 **"** **Ok…I'm at the bar"**

I hung up and threw the phone on the back seat, I pressed the acceleration. When I finally got to the club I found you quite easy. Sitting at the bar staring at the glass in front of you, looking at it like it was the only thing in the world. I sat beside you and it was silence between us, of course the music was loud, but you understand what I meant.

"I-I don't like this drink, the color matches my nails"

You talked first, what you said made no sense, you even showed me your hand and it was true, your nails were blue as well, not the same blue but close enough. I took your hand and looked at it for a second before placing a small kiss on top of it. I pulled you up and also paid for your drinks, well actually I just threw some money there and left.

"You have a purse or jacket with you?"

I saw you nodding from the corner of my eye and you pointed to the last section of booths, after I went in front to get your things and I helped you put your jacket on, we went to my car, I drove to your apartment ( a drunk you giving directions is one of the worst things in this world, just as a matter of fact) and there were many questions in my mind but I didn't really ask any, 'why were you at the club? Why didn't you call sooner? What happened, why were you depressed?'

It was quite a challenge to unlock your door, not because the lock was strange, but simply because you didn't remember which pocket had your keys, it took you almost 3 minutes to pat each of them before finally finding it. Once we went inside I looked around and a question popped in my head, but I hesitated.

I couldn't hold back anymore so I just asked, we were both on your sofa not looking at each other. I noticed the small details, the jewels, the heels, the jacket and they all matched your nails, your drink and also the color that bothered you so much. I looked at you in the end, one brow rose.

"You went on a date?"

You were dressed up nicely, so I only assumed, but you laughed for a second, it wasn't forced, it wasn't normal either. You were drunk, I mentally cursed myself, you weren't even sober and I was expecting you to explain. You put your head on my shoulder and I didn't really know what to do, I liked the feeling but I was…mad, not quite mad but on the way to being angry.

"I didn't"

"Then?"

I said before even thinking, I was suspicious, I mentally slapped myself, I wasn't supposed to be the 'jealous boyfriend'

"I made plans to…go out on a dinner with…my father. I waited 3 hours he didn't come, I knew from the beginning he wouldn't show but I made plans, I put this outfit together. I…I was even going to wear heels!"

The raw pain from your voice made me understand it was true but the simplicity of the situation amused me so I chuckled but you were on the verge of crying, your feelings of disappointment overwhelmed me as well and I felt bad, I intended to hug you but somehow along the way our faces got way too close, the bad feelings went away and all I could think about was kissing you so I did, but just a short one. Your eyes were closed even after the kiss was over, you were so cute so my smile or…smirk stayed in place.

"So you got mad, you went out drinking. This meant so much to you that the simple fact that the drink was blue bothered you?

You pouted and your cheeks were rosy, eyes still watery, the way your straight bangs covered your forehead and eyebrows was cute, your arms crossed, you looked just like a child that was being scolded. I soothe your arm and I kissed both of your cheeks, they were warm against my lips and I enjoyed the feeling.

"You should have called me earlier"

You didn't say anything for a moment and then you walked to your bedroom, I was left into your living room alone for 10 minutes and thought and thought and I came to this conclusion, it was just the first day and I could see myself sitting here every day listening to your problems and also sharing mine with you, I could picture myself coming out from your bathroom with a tooth brush in my mouth while you are sitting on the bed with a pillow over your head because the light was too bright for you. I saw you in my bedroom wearing my shirt with your hair loose in a bun with a book in your hand stressed because your next exam is hard, I saw you in so many scenarios but you were next to me all the time. That's when I caught myself wondering just when did this happen and if what I was feeling was love. I would find moments later that it was love, adoration maybe even a bit of obsession.

You finally came back and broke me from my thoughts, you were so bare and real. No makeup on, a large t-shirt and leggings hair in a strange up-do. You sat down and stared at me before your hand touched my hair.

"Were you sleeping?"

"Aa"

"Sorry"

I didn't respond to your apology, I noticed you were saying that often, even when it wasn't needed.

"Are we dating?"

The question got me off my guard, I never thought you'd ask something this forward, but again you were wasted.

"Yea, I guess so"

"Good"

You said it so small but I heard it, 'good' that made me feel so good, you were glad, I was glad.

"Good? So you're glad, huh?"

"Um S-sasuke? There's something I want to tell you now so it won't be a problem later. Also I don't think I'd be able to say this to you if I was sober"

You kept surprising me over and over, but I listened to you, it seemed important but also something I wouldn't like. This time it was me who played with your hand, you seemed nervous and maybe that was my way to help you relax, I don't know.

"U-um…2 years ago, when I only knew-"

And the story began.

 ** _Next chapter will have the back story, yay, finally some things will get cleared._**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hello friends, so in less than a week i'll go to the seaside with my family yay. I hope by then i'll post another chapter but probably i won't have time to finish it...Anyway here it is the back story i hope it's not a let donw. it's pretty hard to tie the stories together without there being holes but i hope the story makes sense.**_

 _ **Please enjoy, R &R love Dia~~ **_

**Hinata POV**

 _I could still remember his blue eyes on me waiting for a respond I should have gave instantaneous but I hesitated, was I misunderstanding? I had to be. This was too good to be true. Naruto asked me out, on a date. My very first date. It was almost autumn, the autumn before I turned 16. The air between us was tense and awkward, I blinked a couple more times before nodding and he sighed in relief, I was shocked. Was he worried I'd say no?_

 _I'm not going to lie and say it was the classiest and most romantic date ever, because it wasn't, but to me it was perfect. We ate ramen (of course) and watched a movie. After that Naruto offered to walk me back to my apartment, I moved out when I was 14 due to…reasons, we held hands and took the long way there. Right before I got inside his finger tips touched my bare neck and I could hear my heart beating faster than normal._

 _The next date was much like this one and so was the third one. The forth one was different, it was special. The wind was very cold and the ramen stand was well…a stand, which meant you were still outside. We decided to go to a small Café . Naruto ordered coffee and a croissant while I had a hot chocolate and a strawberry cake. We talked and he laughed his hand was on top of mine on the table, he was talking while laughing and I was so happy. On the way to my apartment he gave me his muffler. He fell behind and put it around my neck and hugged me from behind whispering in my ear that the way my hair smelled made him feel all warm inside . His head was on my shoulder and we didn't move for a moment. When we finally reached my apartment, for the first time he didn't leave at the building's entrance and he came upstairs till my door. I unlocked and wanted to invite him in but he kissed me, my first kiss. And he left._

 _A few weeks later we were on my sofa making out. His hands were under my shirt and my heart could barely keep up. I needed air but his tongue was in my mouth and I didn't want him to take it out._

 _He wasn't perfect, we weren't idle, we were both sloppy and extremely nervous (at least me) but everything felt absolutely real and wonderful and there were a few moments when I really thought we could work out. I imagined us in the future, not far, but at Uni meeting between courses, having lunch together, walking around the Campus holding hands._

 _Xxxx_

 _Around the end of summer a year later Ino, my best friend even then, introduced me to a girl she met at a med course she was going to, preparation for Uni. Sakura was a kind girl, she was outspoken and sometimes her mouth worked faster than her brain but I adored her, she fit in so easily with me and Ino , we were best friends. I told her about my perfect love life and she told me about her messed up one. She told me about her crush that didn't pay her any attention._

 _Xxxx_

 _Christmas was around the corner and so was my 17 birthday. Sadly around winter break I was always home (at my dad's) so I couldn't really see Naruto during that time, but also just like last year, he would spend the holidays in Suna, almost 200km away. We had already dated for over a year._

 _That Christmas was hell. Mother showed up at our door on Christmas eve talking about 'family time and bonding' and bout how it wasn't fair 'your father gets to spend all the time with you during Holidays'. The screams and fights could be heard from outside and I wished the break would be over sooner. I wanted her to leave, I wanted him to leave me alone. I wanted to see Naruto._

 _Somehow I escaped from them for an evening and I wanted to spend it with the girls, Ino couldn't come but Sakura was free so we grabbed a bite before going back to her house (she clearly said that we should NOT eat at her house). It was nice spending an evening in a normal family, a family that sits down to watch a Christmas movie together, play games together, a family close enough to ignore the silly fights._

 _After we talked some more Sakura and I went to her room and we talked about trivia things at the beginning, then she told me again about this boy she liked, but I didn't bring Naruto up._

 _Xxxx_

 _A week of the holiday that's how I spend it, in Sakura's room, tucked away from reality, safe and sound under the pink sheets, surrounded by the smell of roses and listening to Sakura's slow whisper. I noticed that when it was just the 2 of us there she wasn't loud, she wasn't fast-talking. She would start an idea and trail off, silence would be covering us sometimes, but it was all good and nice. Until it wasn't anymore. Until it was fast and strange and confusing._

 _I was laying on her bed, her next to me, we were holding hands and I was talking about my family, I was trembling a little and squeezing her hand, but she didn't say a word about that. Until I was done talking, somewhere along the way I started crying._

 _Sakura got up and was looking at me with so much sympathy, I got up as well and tried to smile at her but I sobbed instead, she didn't move, she didn't get closer, she didn't hug me._

 _For a moment she only watched me cry, before touching my cheek and wiping the tears away, I intended to thank her and apologize for ruining the good mood, I never got that far…because her lips were on mine._

 _She smelled like roses, I know that, but so did her room, she tasted like blueberries from the tart we had earlier at the Café. After a moment she took a step back and looked at me, I didn't blink, I felt like my heart might jump from my chest._

 _Sakura watched me for a moment before kissing me again and again and again, finally I realized just what was happening, how her hand was in my hair and she was on top of me, and I pushed her away, only to see her hurt expression. I felt like crying too. I wanted to get up and run, but even if I would have tried to get up I probably would have fell._

" _Sorry…"_

 _That's what she said. And we stopped talking, moving maybe even breathing for a few moments. I was the first to look away, I lowered my gaze to my hands, I was playing with my fingers, an old habit. Maybe I did start crying again, I don't know._

 _In the end I left, she came along to 'walk me home' even so I was almost 20m in front, I probably would have ran if I thought I could._

 _The next day I didn't go to her house. She didn't come to 'pick me up'._

 _Xxxx_

 _Finally after Holidays I met with Naruto and spend a day together in a 'Late, late Birthday'. He bought me a silver necklace with a snowflake from Suna, it was so beautiful. I touched it with so much care I almost thought, that just like real snow, it might disappear. I wanted to smile and thank him but I cried instead and he hugged me. The guilt wasn't crushing, but it was there almost like an itch at the back of my heart. We talked about his time in Suna, when he asked about my Holiday I only gave him half a smile and he didn't push anything further_

 _Xxxx_

 _After that…things went down in flames._

 _I was supposed to spend time home for a weekend once and I told Naruto that but before the last minute my dad canceled, he had to leave for a business trip. I thought I would surprise Naruto and go to his apartment. But…when I knocked on the door, it wasn't my boyfriend that opened it. Sakura did. I physically felt my heart break at the sight of her after almost a month. I never returned any of her calls or texts, at school I avoided her, after some time she gave up. That was just my way of handling it, ignoring it, pretending nothing happened. Naruto also came to the door and when he saw me his smile grew 10 times, he hugged me tight and gave me a kiss, Sakura was watching is disbelief. He meant to introduce us, but Sakura left._

 _We didn't talk about her that day, Naruto just let it go._

 _Xxxx_

 _Sakura has a short temper, so the next day she showed up at my door soaking wet from the rain, her face was bright red. She walked in and I couldn't stop her._

" _NARUTO? He's you boyfriend?"_

 _She screamed, and it was that moment the glass around me broke, because in the living room a few feet away, on my sofa stood Naruto. Hearing the screaming he came in the hallway, Sakura was with her back to him, he looked confused seeing her there._

" _From anyone in this world…why him?"_

 _Her voice dropped and I thought she might cry. Finally Naruto asked what's wrong. Sakura turned around so fast, her red face was white now, and at the exact moment a lightning struck followed by a thunder a few seconds apart._

" _So…Sakura? What's going on?"_

 _At that second she could have said anything, any lie, and he would have believed because Naruto is so trusting and in that moment of silence I looked at his face and saw this beautiful boy, with the biggest soul, someone I got used to having in my apartment. Some who's hand felt so comfortable in mine. I didn't want her to lie, I didn't want him to look at me like I could do no wrong, I didn't want the itching feeling to be there anymore._

" _Me and Sakura, we're friends..."_

" _Really?"_

 _They both said at the same time. Naruto looking very confused while Sakura seemed to calm down a little, if only they knew that I would break them._

" _Yea, we've talked a lot about you, but now I realize I never really gave a name…I wonder why."_

 _Sakura looked at me, before looking back at Naruto._

" _That's true I was very surprised to find out you were her boyfriend, and I got a little mad she didn't tell me about it…and you didn't either, actually you never told me anything about your girlfriend"_

 _It was Naruto's time to turn a bit red._

" _Well I told you and Sauke I had one, neither of you asked anything…"_

 _He was scratching his hair looking embarrassed, I took in every detail on his face, I move closer and took his hand and stared at it too. I knew everything was over, I could feel it, I was oddly numb._

" _Well that explains it"_

 _He smiled down at me and Sakura sighed in relief, but I wasn't done._

" _That's not everything."_

 _Maybe I do regret saying that a little, but Naruto was too good to be lied to. His eyes were still on me and I looked right back, I'm sure I looked sad, I felt the numbness go away and it was replaced by pain and sadness. I was already crying._

" _I kissed her, ok? Like…a few times."_

 _Sakura said it. In her Sakura manner, loud and fast._

" _I just, she was there talking to me and crying and I couldn't help it..."_

 _Naruto let go of my hand, but not before giving me a very cold look._

 _I can't remember what was being said. Naruto called her a 'fucking bitch' which made her angry, and the screaming went on and on._

 _I got my wish, in the end they both left and I was utterly alone. Naruto didn't have to say anything, I knew things weren't going to be fine with us…that probably there was no us anymore._

 _And I realized that he never once said he loved me, I told him I did once. He never said it back. It's funny because that made me cry even harder. He never said it. The 'L' word. We were dating only for a year and 3 months or so. He would only kiss me, tell me how beautiful I was, he'd stare at me for hours, he studied and observed every single detail in my apartment. He paid attention, and I loved it. But he never said he loved me._

 _Xxxx_

 _Sakura was mad at me not him, she felt like I betrayed her for telling Naruto. I tried to talk to both of them, apologize, but only once. In time our friendship turned sour but she was around Ino a lot and so was I, we were forced to make up. 'water under the bridge' that's what she said it was. And I slapped her. Because that was not 'fine' we broke each other, she cost me Naruto, I loved him, and also a best friend whom I needed. I cost her 2 best friend, that wasn't 'nothing'._

 _After waters calmed down and I apologized for the slap and Sakura forgave me (this seems like a pattern to me, doesn't it?) I talked with Naruto._

 _He didn't say anything. I allowed myself to cry again and to feel angry at him, even if it wasn't really his fault. I told him hurtful things, things I wish I could take back, things he didn't deserve, that the time we spend as a couple wasn't worth the pain, I asked him to leave me alone, even if it was me who sleeked him out. Him being Naruto, he allowed me to make a scene, to blame him, to scream and cry and hurt him._

 _But we saw each other everywhere even if we wanted to or not, he was always around, close by. After a few more days I stopped trying to avoid him since it was taking me nowhere and I just started ignoring him all along. At least highschool wasn't that uncomfortable, since Naruto went to a different one from me and Sakura. I always felt bad when I saw Sakura, we were friends again but I couldn't help that lingering bad feeling._

 _And even if I ignored him I would watch his back from far away, wishing I could touch him, talk to him, forgive and forget, be forgiven. Even if after the fight I snapped at him, even if he never really loved me I loved him and I wanted him._

Xxxxx

When I started the story you were playing with my hand like I did with yours but now you weren't, I was scared to look at you, my eyes were on the ground, I fought hard a sigh of relief when you finally spoke.

"Hinata look at me"

I couldn't rise my head, I couldn't face you, not after everything I said. You forced me to, by using your hand to rise my chin. Your black coal eyes were looking straight at me and I was scared, you seemed normal, stoic, so I couldn't sense if you were mad or whatever…I was scared. We were dating for less than 2 days but I felt like you were so important.

"It's…in the past. I will probably won't really talk to Sakura and Naruto a few days and I'd appreciate if you didn't talk to them for some time, not long, but…it's fine. I can't judge you by your past"

I can't even begin to explain how a wave of happiness and gratefulness washed over me when you said that everything was fine. But I had to open my mouth and screw things up.

" I'm so glad you're not mad. And of course I'll stay away for a bit, especially since I haven't talked with Naruto much…beside the past few days"

"You talked to him recently..?"

"Hm? Oh, um…yea. He was here today and a few days back as well. We just talked"

Your eyes narrowed and you were cooking something in your head, something that I wasn't going to enjoy.

"So…you didn't have time to call me but you had time to chit-chat with your ex, that might I add was is my best friend, in your apartment today?"

"T-that's not it Sasuke. H-he just showed up at my door. I was running around the whole time, doing my make-up and things. I'm sor—"

"Forget it" You just got up and looked at me "It's late go to bed"

"Sasuke, wait"

"I'll call you tomorrow"

You left and slammed the door behind you. I mentally slapped myself, why was I so stupid?

You said you'd call but you didn't, not the next day, not the one after that. We didn't talk for a week and I was starting to curse myself, I shouldn't have said all of that, I should have waited. Especially since you were good friends with both Naruto and Sakura and our relationship was just so…new.

I missed you so much and I thought about calling you for so many times, but you said YOU would call and that said it all, you didn't want to talk, at least not now, you needed space and time so I was giving it to you but I was starting to panic since we didn't seem a couple at all.

 **Sasuke POV**

I felt my eye twitching and I also stopped caressing your hand without meaning to. I was taking it all in. I was listening to you but in my head the scenarios kept going, I imagined Naruto on your sofa in your kitchen, you fixing your hair in his bathroom and it hurt, but once the story was over I thought about the things I did in the past. The girls coming and going from my room and I decided it wasn't my place to get mad, in was in the past…

Still I didn't know what to feel, what to think, for some unknown reasons I remembered when my obsession with you began, I remembered what got my attention.

 _It was a few months back, the end of summer start of Autumn before 1 year. I was miserable. We fought, it wasn't out of common me fighting with my father but that night it was pretty bad. I ended up sitting on the side road with a beer in my hand looking at the stars. His words stung. He wasn't pleased with the way I preformed at a summer course he forced me to do, I wasn't pleased with the way he made me do things against my will. It was my dream to be a detective and that's what he wanted as well so why, oh why did our ways of getting there were so different? I knew he was doing his best but it was my last summer as a high school student and I wanted to do things, see things. I wanted to forget about career and school for a few weeks and I had the right to do so, my final tests and University entrance exams were very good. I had the highest score in my school and I got in on the 16_ _th_ _place at Uni. I earned my freedom._

 _I was sick of him and that night and I just wanted to drink cheap beer on the side of the road and look at the starts so that's what I did. I drank one beer, two, three. I was still sober and my mind was moving 100km/second and I wanted to turn it off. The beer was gross and it didn't even make me dizzy. I was about to leave when I heard heels and laughter._

 _I looked to the source of the noise, I specially chose a remote area so I could be alone. My apartment was too bright and I knew my father or mother would call sooner or later and I didn't want that. You were the source of the sound. You were walking bad in your heels. Your phone was to your ear and whatever the person on the other end was saying was freaking funny to you. After hanging up you stopped in the middle of the road and took your shoes off. Such a simple gesture but you made it look so interesting. Probably you noticed my gaze because you looked at me and we started at each other for a few moments before you smiled ear to ear showing me all your teeth. It was so pure and genuine I felt all the air leave my lungs. From across the block there was a shadow looking at us (you) and finally getting fed up with waiting she shouted._

" _Hinata you coming or what?"_

 _You looked over your shoulder and what I guess was Ino but turned back to me and smiled again._

' _Hinata' I knew your name and I wanted to know you. I had to know you. I started noticing you in the crowd in town, at a table in the back at cafes before I knew it I was watching you, before I knew it I was kissing you and now I was listening to your story trying to figure out what I was feeling._

I was back in your apartment, back to my frustrated self, you made me feel like this quite often. I looked at you. you seemed scared, your shoulders were tense, you were looking at the ground, I understood why you were afraid so I decided to finally say something.

"Hinata look at me"

You didn't rise your head, you didn't even try to look at me so I forced you. I placed my pointer finger under your chin and my thumb on it and rose it slowly until finally you were looking me in the eye.

"It's…in the past. I will probably won't really talk to Sakura and Naruto a few days and I'd appreciate if you didn't talk to them for some time, not long, but…it's fine. I can't judge you by your past"

It was hard for me to say that, I believed that but still thinking about what you said was…bad. I noticed that you relaxed in less than a second and I felt amused. It was so strange how such small details about you could change my mood so fast.

I started to think that we were fine and after some time I appreciated that you trusted me enough to tell me this so soon in our relationship, I mean you weren't even sure we were dating.

" I'm so glad you're not mad. And of course I'll stay away for a bit, especially since I haven't talked with Naruto much…beside the past few days"

"You talked to him recently..?"

That news made my stomach turn and twist, I didn't like the idea of you talking, especially not now, maybe in a few…weeks?

"Hm? Oh, um…yea. He was here today and a few days back as well. We just talked"

My eye twitched and I also narrowed them, I was looking at you trying to get out something more, it wasn't fair you were drunk, true but I was waiting for you to spill something else, I don't know what but something that would allow me to yell at you and be done for the night, I was so tired and the more you talked about him the angrier and more frustrated I was.

"So…you didn't have time to call me but you had time to chit-chat with your ex, that might I add was is my best friend, in your apartment today?"

"T-that's not it Sasuke. H-he just showed up at my door. I was running around the whole time, doing my make-up and things. I'm sor—"

"Forget it" I rose but my eyes were still on you "It's late go to bed"

"Sasuke, wait"

"I'll call you tomorrow"

I didn't mean to slam the door or to cut you off but I wasn't comfortable anymore and I just wanted to go home and sleep, I was going to think about what you said and what happened tomorrow. It was late and maybe I was over reacting but I could be understanding about only that much at a time. I don't even know if it would have been better if you didn't tell me the last part.

In my head while I was driving I was putting things together, the fact that you dated, the strange way you both acted around the other, how you talked recently, how messed up Naruto has been and also how he reacted from the beginning when I told him I was going to try my luck with you.

That night I didn't sleep at all, I wasn't thinking about you or Naruto thou, not anymore. The moment my back hit the mattress I stopped thinking about anything, I just started at the dark ceiling and waited for the light to come and for us to talk.

When the morning came I finally fell asleep, my program was messed up now, I had to rush to University to catch my second class, after school I wanted to call but I didn't. I didn't want to talk to you I wanted space to think but the more I thought the more logical my theory seemed, a week passed and I didn't call. I knew it was a dumb thing, we were supposed to have the best week ever, we just started dating and stuff. I wasn't trying to be a shitty boyfriend the one that was over jealous it just hurt, I was also mad at Naruto at the beginning for not telling me anything.

After the 8th day I finally called…you didn't answer. 2 hours later I got a text from you 'Sorry I was in class, can I call you now?' I called you back and this time you finally answered, you were worried I heard it in your voice and I didn't even blame you. You were honest with me…maybe a little too much and I was a dork that was over reacting about some shit and I fucking knew it but I couldn't control how I was feeling and that was the first time that ever happened, it was strange.

" **Sasuke"**

"I'm sorry I didn't call"

" **It's fine…h-how are you?"**

I waited for a moment to hear you breath, I thought you were holding your breath and I wanted to tell you not to. I took another moment to think what I should say but I figured since you were honest why shouldn't I be?

"It bothers me…a lot. I know it shouldn't but I can't help it"

 **Hinata POV**

I was in a bad mood the whole week, I wanted to talk to you, to call you. Sadly I remembered what I said when I was drunk that night and I knew you were thinking hard about it, I didn't want to put pressure on you but I was sad. I wanted to hear your voice, to hear you say everything's fine.

Wednesday after I got out of class and I looked at my phone I saw that I had a missed call from you and I panicked. I texted you that very moment and was about to call you but you were faster.

"Sasuke"

My voice was shaking and I hated that.

" **I'm sorry I didn't call"**

I felt something burning behind my eye when I heard your voice and I had this awful feeling in my throat.

"It's fine…h-how are you?"

You made a long pause and I held my breath trying to prepare myself for what you were about to say. 'Sorry I can't…it's over'; 'I still need time to think. Let's not talk for the time being' ; 'your story is too much for me, it's not worth it. Too complicated.'; 'I think one of my earrings fell when I was at your apartment can you give it back?'

" **It bothers me…a lot. I know it shouldn't but I can't help it"**

I was knocked from my feet. That wasn't what I was expecting. I opened my mouth and started blabbering trying to make you feel like it was ok to mind. I knew you didn't like minding but…

"I don't care if it should or not, whatever you're feeling, whatever bothers you I want you to tell me everything, I will never judge you, I'll never think lower of you, I won't pity you. I will stand by and we'll figure things out on the way…p-plus you being…um j-jealous feels nice."

You just laughed after what I said and I know my face was as red as a tomato, but the words were worth being said, I wanted you to feel like you could tell me whatever you wanted to.

Xxxx

After our little…'fight'? I guess I could call it that. Things went back to normal, everyday we'd talk on the phone, at least ,but we tried to meet every day, sadly with the school year being at the middle of the first semester there were a lot of things to do, projects, papers to fill and I had 2 Universities to attend while you had your own and also this big project thing. I can still remember when the Dean called to inform you, personally that your project was approved, you seemed so happy, I adored that little spark in your eyes. After you hung up I waited for you to say something, to tell me what happened but you just stayed still, only after a few minutes did you close your eyes and let a huge breath out.

"It was approved"

I had no idea what you were talking about, but whatever it was it was important to you and the call was good news so I hugged you tight and whispered 'congratulation'. Again we didn't moved for a few moments but all of a sudden your arms circled my waist and pulled me into your lap, you hid your face in the crook of my neck and once again you whispered 'it freaking got approved'

I wanted to ask what this was about but I figured you'll just tell me when you consider it's the right time, at that moment you only needed me to be there and support you, so that's what I did. My hands played with your soft locks and I couldn't help but smile as well. After the talk we had on the phone at that time you started showing your feelings, you opened up to me and that made me very happy.

"It's a real case"

Your steady voice got me by surprise and it took a lot of resistance not to flinch also because the silence was suddenly broke but also because of the warm breath on my shoulder. You stopped and I waited. My legs started to feel numb but I didn't want to say that, I didn't want us to move, I didn't want you to let go.

"It's a real case…it was never solved, it's quite old, 50 years or so. I made a request, I asked for approval to go to the local P.D. and try to investigate it myself, to get access to the confidential information, I want to fill the gaps left behind by the detectives, I want to try."

The more I listened the harder my heart beat, did you hear that? I'm pretty sure you did. Anyway, hearing you say all of this made me realize just how much you loved this, justice, how much you wanted to help some strangers because that's the right thing to do. I felt proud of you, but also scared, I saw us sitting like this but 8-9 years later and you telling me a different story, a story about a case that you have to deal with, something important like a serial killer, it was a lot in the future that's true but just thinking that somewhere during your life this carrier might put you in danger broke my heart, I wasn't going to make a scene and put you choose between me and being a detective, I wasn't stupid, that's selfish.

"The police only identified the age and the gender of the criminal, never a name. he was being accused for murderer, 3 people actually, all female a few years younger than him"

"A-are you even allowed to tell me this?" I do watch police movies and in most of them this things can not be said.

"I can, because this is also online, that's where I found the case." A break "No need to worry, he was around 30 back then he must be at least 80 now…if he's still alive"

I couldn't help when a relief sigh escaped my lips, as soon as it got out I wanted to take it back, I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for something, I was expecting either a laughter or a shout somewhere along the lines 'this is really important you know!' but when neither happened I looked at you, you were smiling at me so beautifully. Your hand brushed my bangs right before our lips met for less than a second.

"It's going to be ok, I'll be ok" you whispered and then kissed my shoulder "you're not worried now, are you ?"

I could feel the sarcasm dripping from your lips, I felt the smirk that was almost all the time there, sometimes it was annoying to tell you the truth, but I can't deny the fact that I loved it, I love each and every expression you make.

"Me? Worried? Never"

I couldn't even say that without chuckling, such a big lie, I worry about everything, I love over-thinking, I'm insecure and I can't help it, I always see the worst scenario possible, that's just who I am. Your cold hands travelled from each of my shoulder to my hands. I couldn't look at your face so I watched the left one sliding down, easy, slow. When it reached the end you lowered your head and kissed my fingertips.

"I'll be really busy"

I knew, I figured that, I was sad, I couldn't let you see that so I kept my head low, I know my bangs are long enough to cover most of my face when I stay like that, as a child I used that as a shield and I still do sometimes, it's a habit, I tried to get over it, just like I did with stuttering.

Nothing else happened that day, actually I don't really remember anymore, it seems so long ago, my worries from back then so…cute.

 **Sasuke POV**

'I don't care if it should or not, whatever you're feeling, whatever bothers you I want you to tell me everything, I will never judge you, I'll never think lower of you, I won't pity you. I will stand by and we'll figure things out on the way…p-plus you being…um j-jealous feels nice.'

That's what you said to me on the phone, even now I sometimes close my eyes and hear your clear voice say these words, slowly losing confidence towards the end, I see you on the other side of the phone with a blush on but smiling.

That semester I applied for access to the local P.D. to solve a still mystery from 50 years back. I was at your house, on your sofa when the Dean called to announce me my request got accepted, I felt so happy and shocked, many other of my colleagues applied for the same reasons, different cases of course. I picked the worst one, hardest, mine was a murderer of 3 women, I was 100% sure it would be declined.

I was going to be really busy, I called my parents to tell them about the case, it was a petty attempt to make my dad proud, even if only a bit. I was pleasantly surprised when he congratulated me, also mom made a big fuss about me going to visit them before I start working on the case, because I won't have time to see them for the rest of the semester almost.

"Ok mom, I'll come visit this weekend"

"Itachi said you have a pretty little girlfriend."

Mom's voice was chatty and normal but I knew she was pissed or hurt I didn't bring it up, damn it Itachi, couldn't you keep your mouth shut.

"Why don't you bring her over? I love you Sasuke, bye"

She didn't even wait for my reply before hanging up, also I had this faint feeling that it wasn't really a question, it was more of a demand.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's been such a long time since i uploaded this story, just this chapter turned out to be longer than i expected it to be xD also after coming back from the seaside i slept over at my bffs for a week and we had a party and other things, a bit of fun before school started this week. I probably will have less time...i am a senior and in my country we have something similar to the S.A.T. but everyone has to take it, also it has a number of 10 tests in total which sucks what can i say...also it's the last year of highschool so we'll try to do that ;live in the moment and make memories' shit...hopefully this turns out to be a good school year cuz so far it started shitty as fuck and i am pissed, but whatever. Enough of this and let's get to the story.**

 **Also i didn't have the time to re-read it billion times and fix mistakes and all that so i apologize...**

 **Hope you enjoy, please R &R. Love Dia~~**

 **Hinata POV**

The next few days were a bit rushed, not necessary because I had many things to do and time passed me by, but because the day after the Dean called you, you invited me to go with you to see your parents. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shocked and slightly mortified. So I was desperately wishing for the weekend to never come, but it did arrived, and a lot sooner than I would have liked.

"You don't really have to worry, it's gonna be fine"

I know that you were trying to make me feel better because my hand was a little sweaty in your own and I was probably looking like a scared bunny. It's not like you can blame me, we only started dating 2 months ago and 'meeting the parents' wasn't very high on my priority list.

But once we stepped inside you took a deep breath in and relaxed, which made me less tense as well, this was what home felt like to you, that smell, the long hallway with the spiral stairs at the end of it. I imagined a small you running around, a teenage you walking upstairs with a small frown. When I finally came back to my senses a petite woman was walking down the stairs rather slow, with such elegance I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

"She likes to have a dramatic entrance'

You whispered in my ear and I gripped you hand tighter, that was Mikoto, you mother. She was smiling beautifully, looking evergreen, without meaning to I compared my mom to her. Mikoto had no apparent wrinkles but one on each side of her eye from smiling too much maybe, my mom had numerous wrinkles. The image of my mom in my head compared to your mom looked so much older, and sadder, it broke my heart a little.

"Hello dear"

Her voice was just as I imagined it would be, soft yet somehow cheery. She took your face in her hands and kissed your cheeks and forehead. At the end you took her hand and smiled at her before kissing the back of her hand.

"Mother"

The exchanged seemed so normal and effortlessly done. I felt a little jealous, I tried imagining my mother kissing my forehead but I couldn't, I tried creating an image of my dad holding my hand even for a second and it felt so unreal and odd.

"Oh, who do we have here?"

For a moment I even forgot I was there, but I tried to smile despite the sad thoughts going through my head. She smiled right back, I'm sure her smile looked more real and radiant. I wasn't shining half as much as she was.

"Hello ma'am, my name is Hyuga Hinata, it's very nice to meet you"

I extended my hand but brushed it off and a moment later I was being hugged by her, despite being petite she was still a bit taller than me. I tried not to look to surprised when I looked at you, but you weren't looking towards us but somewhere to your right I assumed the living room was.

"Don't be so formal honey, I'm Mikoto and it's so good to meet you"

After the hug I took a step back but she cupped my face much like she did yours.

"You're so beautiful"

I couldn't think of anything to say, this was so strange to me, the small affectionate gestures done by a parent. Her fragile hands felt like they didn't belong there, and it took a lot of control not to flinch when her thumb started creasing the area under my left eye. I'm sure I looked strange because she gave me an apologetic smile and moved away. Maybe I hurt her back then, I didn't mean to.

'Where is father?"

"Oh Sasu, he's off to work but he'll be back before the two of you have to go home"

I saw from the corner of my eye that your smile flattered for a moment.

"Why don't the 3 of us sit down and chat for a bit? I'll go make some tea. Sasuke be nice and take Hinata to the dining room, I have lunch in the oven, it should be done in about half an hour. I home you're hungry"

You only nodded and we started walking, the dining room was quite spacious and the table was enough for 8 maybe 10. Everything seemed a bit old fashioned yet stunning and expensive. I waited for you to say something, anything as we sat down but only silence followed.

After a few minutes your mother came back and a steady conversation started, Mikoto would ask either you or me a question and we would answer. Just like she said half an hour later we started eating Rosemary Chicken with Tomatoes filling. The conversation followed. Right before it was time to leave your father showed up, he patted you on the back and greeted me from a distance before turning back to talk to you about the project you were starting on Monday, even I noticed the conversation was quite short.

We didn't talk much that day, really, sure we held hands most of the time but…you felt oddly far away. On the way back you asked what I thought and if I was ok, you even apologized for making me come with you.

"It's fine, it was alright. They seem really nice. You're house is beautiful and the food was excellent"

Xxxx

We didn't meet for quite some time after that and our phone calls were always awkward, I always felt strange hearing your deep warm voice from the speaker of my phone, I was so frustrated each time that happened, it almost got me to a point when I started crying every time I saw your name pop-up on my screen. One night I told you that and I also cried a lot, that was a sad night, you didn't seem mad but as soon as my sobbing started you hung up. An hour later you appeared at my door with snacks also you were wearing sweat pants and a hoodie, you were trying to make me smile but I only cried harder. In the end you stayed the night to cuddle with me while eating all the junk food you brought. You were a good boyfriend, the best anyone could wish for.

After that happened you tried not to call that much but text, it was…better but I missed you, I wanted to see you, touch you. One night I couldn't sleep (which was starting to be more often) so I went for a run in the park, the same park we once met, I remembered the way you sat on that bench and I started smiling to myself. On the way back home I walked by the police office and I stopped to look at it for a moment, well it felt like a moment to me, but I must have been staring for a lot longer because an officer came out of the building.

"Are you alright miss?"

He was in uniform holding a cup in a hand, I imagined you in his place, even in my mind you looked very good in an uniform, I bit my lip and didn't answer. He set his cup on the sill and came closer to me. This time only from a few steps away he asked the same question and I shook my head, I wasn't fine…but he couldn't help me either, finally realizing that I did something unnecessary I opened my mouth to talk and deny the gesture I did moments ago.

That's when the door opened once more and you came out with a laptop bag on your shoulder. Your head was turn you were saying your goodbyes to the people inside. Again the officer asked me something…um I think it was 'is there something I can do?'

What were you thinking when you turned around and our eyes met? What did you feel when you saw me standing there in front of you, in front of the police officer looking depressed? Do you know what I felt ? I felt stupid, I wanted to hide, anything, to get away from your all seeing eyes. I didn't know why I stopped to look at the building, was I hoping to see you? Did I want to talk to you? Of course I did but…

The officer turned to you and said his goodbyes to you and again turned to talk to me, but you spoke faster than he could ask the next question.

"Hinata?"

The officer looked at you with one eyebrow rose, almost asking 'you know her?'. Understanding his gesture you just nodded and came closer, you took my hand and we started walking. I kept biting my lip trying to figure out why I was feeling like this, we haven't met in a long time and I missed you, I was supposed to be happy, why did I want to run away?

You didn't turn to ask me anything, you didn't say a word you just kept dragging me and as I was looking at the back of your head, at those few hair stands that were straight covering a part of your neck I felt my heart squeeze in pain, I felt my eyes water and my legs turning to jelly, but you stopped and I hit your back. Slowly you turned and both of your hands were gripping my shoulders, I'm still not sure if you were only trying to help me stand because my knees were shaking or you were simply looking at me.

"Hinata, why were you there?"

I know I was crying, I still can't understand why I was in such pain but I was, no words were coming out of my mouth so I just shut it and waited for u to say something again. I lowered my eyes to my shoes, they were adidas also I was wearing gym clothes I wanted to point that out so you'd understand I was running but I heard you sigh and felt your arms pulling me so close almost like you were trying to crush my bones or like you were trying to blend our bodies into one.

Finally after a few seconds I started to let go of my thoughts of my questions, insecurities and just be. I took big breaths in also because you were holding me tight but also because I missed your ice-lime smell. Somewhere along that hug I realized just how easy you can change my mood from depressed to happy, from excited to anxious, I realized just how vulnerable I was in front of you.

"We should go it's late and…you're not really wearing much"

You were right it was cold outside my gym clothes weren't very thick, how come I didn't feel the cold , not until you let go and started walking ahead. I stayed behind for a couple more seconds just looking at you, not really thinking about anything, just taking in all the details about your back.

"I missed you"

I said that loud and clear and finally made a step in front to follow you. For a second I saw you turning half-way towards me and smiling.

xxxx

After this incident I did my best not to feel lonely, I started working on many projects until one day I was in my room covered in papers one step away from crying, from pulling my hair out, I used to be very anxious as a child, about my eyes, my hair, my voice, the way I walked, talked everything, as I grew older I thought I got over that but suddenly all those bad feelings came pouring down onto me like cold water, they were too much and I felt like drowning.

Ino was the one that saved me this time, apparently I wasn't answering her phone calls and she got worried. When she broke into my house and found me on the floor in the middle of that mess her mouth hanged open for at least a minute. She just looked at me and I looked at her, I was and still am a neat freak, kind of, everyone knows that so for my room to be a mess that's bad.

"Hinata…?"

Ino's voice was so low, just how you'd talk to a hurt puppy. I wasn't crying when she came I only felt like it but her voice was the trigger and my tears started to flow. I know, I know I'm a crybaby but I swear I wasn't like this before, but once I let my walls fall for you I forgot how to put them back up for the rest of the world.

"Hinata…"

Ino's voice is usually loud and high but this time I know she did her best to keep it down, maybe hearing her tip toe around me like I was broken made my tears start to flow. I was doing all of this to myself, if anyone were to ask who was the 'bad guy' here it was me, I hurt myself and I hurt you as well. I never meant to.

Ino's hands were cold and warm at the same time, it's hard to explain. The skin-to-skin contact made me have goose-bumps but feeling her hand made my soul warm. After creasing my shoulder she started picking up all the papers, after my carpet could be seen again she sit down with me, her head on my shoulder and her arms around me, she didn't say anything she just held me while I was crying.

My phone started to ring, you were calling me. Ino got up but when she looked at me and said 'Sasuke' I shook my head, I should have picked up, talk to you I wish I did. The soft melody filled the room, you were quite persistent but I didn't budge, I couldn't talk to you, I didn't know what I should say. I had been feeling conflicted things for you, I was happy to see you but scared at the same time, I was sad we couldn't meet but relived, I didn't want to talk to you but at the same time I missed you. I am aware of how this sounds, I know it doesn't make sense.

Ino stayed that day with me, we didn't do much, we didn't talk, we didn't watch Tv, I was just in my own world while she was watching me. Ino, she was so nice, nice enough to send you a message.

'She's not feeling well, Sorry Sasu. Try later or tomorrow. XOXO Ino'

A few days later I saw the message and I smiled at it. I wish I would have called you when I saw it, I wish I would have ran that day or the following maybe I would have stopped again at the station and we would have met. I wish the next time you called I would have answered.

All these regrets are in vain because I didn't do any of them. Every morning I woke up with this imaginary heavy rock on my chest, I'd breath in hard enjoying actually the pain, thinking 'today I will talk to you' thankfully I didn't postponed it THAT much. So next Monday when you called I picked up.

" **Finally…Hey. How are you?"**

Such normal words, such a shallow conversation but just your voice made my feet cold.

"Sorry I ignored your calls for so long, I'm…fine. What about you? H-how's the project going?"

I heard you sigh in relief because I sounded…normal? I followed the pattern from my carpet with my eyes, trying to distract myself from the fact that we were talking.

" **It's going well, it's hard but I knew that it would be"** Silence. I closed my eyes wishing to find something else to ask you, anything. **"I'm free this weekend, what about you? Let's meet up"**

"Ok" that word escaped my lips before I could even think about it, I'm glad I accepted but at that time as soon as I answered I wanted to back away I was scared of seeing you, I was scared of what I might feel when I saw you. All these feelings were confusing me and I didn't know anymore if I was excited or afraid.

 **Sasuke POV**

As soon as my mom hung up I called you to invited you to come with me, I thought you would be hard to pursue but you only asked 'do you want me to come?' when I said yes you said it was fine. As soon as we arrived home I tried to calm you down because you looked scared. The feeling of my childhood house, the smell everything made me feel better, as usual mom made her dramatic entrance and displayed a little too much love for both of us, while the 2 of you were introducing each other I was looking towards the dinning room trying to spot my dad, sadly mom said he wasn't home, of course he wasn't.

The evening moved fast for me, nothing special happened and you seemed to be all right so I made that as an excused not to pay much attention to you, I'm sorry for that. But I was trying to calm myself down not to make a scene when dad showed up. I kept thinking 'if he shows up'. I was almost certain he wouldn't. But he did.

"Sasuke" he said that and patted my shoulder, something he never does.

"You must be Sasuke's girlfriend, I'm Fugaku"

"I'm Hinata Hyuga, it's very nice to meet you sir"

You only nodded before turning back to me.

"So, big project, I looked a little into the case you'll work on. Not easy son, better not screw this up"

That's all he said, before leaving.

Xxxx

One night I was feeling exhausted and left early, after saying my goodbyes I walked out the door where an officer was questioning a girl…you. I didn't know what you were doing there, to be honest I was shocked but it felt good to see you after so much time. But you started crying and I felt…annoyed, I hated seeing you cry. I didn't know what to do so I started dragging you along, I asked why you were there but you didn't answer, I could hear the small sobs and each one was burning a hole in my heart, in my brain.

This feeling overwhelmed me, I wanted to protect you, shelter you from all the evil in this world so I hugged you tight, very tight. After I realized I was probably chocking you I let go. Finally noticing the fact that you were wearing quite thin clothes and that it was winter I proposed we leave and started walking, after a few seconds I could hear your steps behind me, I was pleased but nothing can ever describe the feeling of fulfillment I had when you said you missed me.

Xxxx

After that I've tried to call you multiple times but you didn't answer. The first time Ino wrote that you weren't feeling good and to try tomorrow so I did and then the next day and the next. Finally you answered on Monday and we made plans to go out that weekend. When I heard your voice through the phone my heart grew 5 times.

The week was all a blur, I woke up went to school to the police office and home, went to bed and repeat until it was Friday night and I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about you, bout your little drunken smile, the way you seemed to always title your head one way or another exposing your white neck, I thought about the way you awkwardly kissed the corner of my mouth at that party, the way your silliness made you easy enough to upset that even a glass of liquid (that might I add matched your nails) made you frown. I remembered the way you covered your eyes wither with your bangs or with the back of your hand when you were embarrassed.

I closed my eyes for a second to picture you standing on my lap caressing my cheek with a hand while the other playfully tugged the ends of my hair. I saw your disappointed face when none saw us kissing in the parking lot and least I saw your eyes begging me for forgiveness after you told me the story, a story you had no control over, a story that hurt you, and still you were the one apologizing. Somewhere along my thoughts of you I fell asleep. That morning I was flying through the kitchen eating whatever there was, getting dressed, putting on a jacket, it was cold after all and finally running out the door. My hands were twitching on the wheel when I was getting closer to your apartment. I felt this strong attraction pulling me closer to you, just being apart was painful and I couldn't understand how I resisted so much time without talking to you, seeing you.

I didn't even have time to knock and the door opened. You were wearing a sweater dress and leggings, your hair was in a bun and your glasses were black with thick frames, the glass made your eyes a little bigger. For a moment we only started but you broke into a smile and pulled me inside, it was warm and I hadn't even realized I was freezing on the way.

"I wasn't expecting you so soon. But…I just had a feeling a moment ago you'd be at my door. Strange don't you think?"

"Mhmm" I nodded while I took my shoes and jacket off. Your small feet made a pleasant sound hitting the wooden floor and I followed you into the living room. There on the floor near the fire place were blankets, a book and a few snacks. I could see you looking at me waiting for me to say something, you were biting your lip. Were you expecting to be teased?

I brethed in deep taking in the sweet smell of your home. I closed my eyes and breathed in again, my nose froze on the way. We weren't that far away and I did come with the car but, damn it was cold outside. When I finally opened my eyes you were right there in front of me still smiling.

"Sasuke…I just want to apolo-"

I didn't mean to stop you but I couldn't help and touch your cheek, it was red and warm. My hands were ice cold. Your eyes widened a bit and you took both of my hands into yours. Then you touched my cheek.

"God, you're freezing"

I don't remember if I nodded but I do remember that I hugged you, I remember how your small body gave out waves of heath and I was warm again, it took you a second before you hugged me back. You rubbed your palms down my back and started swinging a bit, that's how we ended up doing this awkward yet pleasant small dance in the middle of your apartment. After a few moments I noticed you were peering at my face, you weren't smiling, your mouth was slight open and your eyes were focused on me. What were you thinking? Because at that moment I thought you were beautiful and I couldn't help but bend down a little and kiss you, not rough or passionate, just lips pressed against lips. We had at least 6-7 kisses like that before you started giggling.

I do have to confess, I was a little worried when Ino said you weren't feeling well but you were here in front of me and you were smitten, your smile was huge and contagious, your hands were around my waist. You sighed in relief and finally let go.

"Should we watch a movie? Or do you have something planned? Should I get dressed?"

I did have a few things planned but, I didn't want to leave the coziness of your apartment, I liked it just like that, messy and beautiful, real. I shook my head before taking a blanket off the ground, closing the book, making sure the book sign was where it should be, and I sat on the couch, waiting. After placing all the snacks on the table and taking a trip to the kitchen to bring another mug filled with hot chocolate you sat down, I already picked a movie, I can't remember the name. You placed your legs in my lap and I covered us in the blanket. It was warm and I creased your legs, you were still hugging me and somewhere along the way you stopped watching the movie, your head was tucked in my shoulder, if I'm being honest I don't think I watched 5 minutes of the movie, I was looking at you.

The blanket was warm and this was very comfortable. You let go of me and rose your head as well. You wanted me to kiss you, I could see it but I didn't move, I just smirked at you. You puffed your cheeks and I chuckled. But I was soon silenced by your lips. I let you lead at the beginning, loving the way you awkwardly moved your head one way or another so our noses wouldn't hit, how you were holding back a bit so our teeth wouldn't bump. Your hand was on my shoulder keeping yourself steady, I loved the way that pressure felt. After a few of this kisses I placed my hand behind your head keeping it in place and I took the lead, I felt you smile and I did too.

How did I stay away from you for 2 weeks or so? God just thinking about that was insane. Slowly you were pulling me towards yourself while lowering yourself onto your back. In the end you were on your back with half of myself over you. You were deepening the kiss and to be hones I didn't realize when you took over the kiss, your fingers were scratching my scalp and I groaned, you giggled a bit and our teeth hit, but that didn't matter. Our kisses weren't perfect they were clumsy but just that made them so much more real.

Xxxx

"Are you hungry?" after our little make out session we started watching a cartoon which proved to be a better choice than a movie. I was a little hungry, so I nodded.

"Do you wanna go eat somewhere?" I asked and your eyes started to sparkle. You jumped up and towered me, it was strange to be shorter then you. Each of your hands were on one of my shoulder, our foreheads were touching.

"Nee Sasuke…would you help me cook?"

The way you said it made me laugh and for a few moments I couldn't stop. When I did stop in the end, you had your jaw dropped, which made me laugh more and I heard you laugh too. Not 5 minutes later we were all dressed up and ready to go shopping. You gave me one of your hats and mufflers, it didn't matter that they were lavender.

At the supermarket I picked a cart and you placed your feet on the back part of it, your hands on the handles your back pressed against my chest and I was almost hugging you. It felt funny walking around like that and a few people looked at us and chuckled, but it didn't matter. You were talking, something about pastas, you titled your head all the way back and were staring at me your nose brushing my jaw.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Hnnn, not a word."

So you started explaining all over again. I'm glad to say that that Saturday was the first day of a long, long number of similar ones.

After cooking, aka making a mess of your kitchen and eating we had a few other make out sessions and in between we talked. You told me about school and about the fact that you were a little anxious about your family, you didn't tell me in what way and I didn't push, and I told you about the project. I was making pretty good progress. It was hard indeed but I also liked it.

We even played some card games. We weren't really paying attention to the game through.

"And because of that fight with her dad Ino ended up staying over for almost a week."

You suddenly stopped smiling and I felt the conversation going into a bit of a danger zone, I wanted to change the subject but you spoke faster than I did, and to be hones I wanted you to tell me all about the things that made you sad.

"I kind of do understand. After all I did move out in an attempt to run away from my dad. And now when we do plan to meet he never shows up and I get all excited only to be let down. But I can't help but wonder 'What if this time it will be different?' but it never is."

I could feel the pain in your voice and I wanted to help and say the right thing, but even now I don't really know what the right thing would have been.

"I wish I could help. Me and my dad have an alright relationship I guess, I talk more with my mother but that's how it's been since I was little."

You were listening to me, you were hanging on to every syllable.

"So…why did you move out?"

"Well…my family home is in the old district so it's really far away and I guess I just wanted to be on my own and do something for myself. Moving out was one of the first things that my dad really approved of and helped me a lot"

Your smile wasn't fake, you weren't jealous or hurt or anything, you were genuinely happy to hear that and I actually felt better, I didn't want to make you feel sad.

 **Hinata POV**

After we talked Monday I did my best to finish all the work I had so I'd actually be free that weekend, thankfully I succeeded. I was still a little conflicted so when Saturday came I dressed comfy threw some blankets on the floor, prepared a hot chocolate and some snakes and I started to read a book. For some reasons all of a sudden I put the book down, I didn't finish the chapter or the page, sentence I was reading but something was pulling me towards the door and of course as soon as I opened it you were there, hand in front of you in a fist ready to knock. For a moment I stopped and waited to see what feeling would win me over, happiness or anxiety. The waiting was over when I felt this tug to jump on you, hold tight and never, ever let go. I took another second to look at your posture, still the same and I smiled and took your extended hand and pulled you in. It was cold out.

"I wasn't expecting you so soon. But…I just had a feeling a moment ago you'd be at my door. Strange don't you think?"

"Mhmm"

You nodded while taking your shoes and jacket off I watched your red frozen fingers untying your laces. When I noticed you were almost done I went into the living room but looking from time to time toward you, not to make sure you were following because I could hear you were but I was just looking at you, it was strange all the conflicted feelings seemed to be so stupid and I wanted to hit myself for pushing you away and not answering the phone for a few days. Finally we reached the living room and I have to say, when I saw you I forgot all about the book and the blankets but there they were and I waited for your reaction. But you didn't say anything, you just closed your eyes so I walked toward you as soft as I could. When you finally opened your eyes I was right there. I wanted to be the only thing you see.

"Sasuke…I just want to apolo-"

Your frozen hand touched my cheek and I felt all the blood leave me. You were so cold to the touch. Were you out for long? Did my strange behavior scare you? Were you considering knocking at all when I opened the door. I touched your cheek and it was even colder than out hand.

"God, you're freezing"

You only looked at me for a moment before hugging me, I was a bit shocked but I recovered soon and hugged you back as tightly as I could, I was trying hard to give you some of my heath. I started moving a bit to the left then to the right and you moved with me and I didn't stop and neither did you. And we swung, my head was under your chin and it felt so peaceful. But I wanted to look at you so I did, I watched your soft smile, your closed eyes that soon weren't closed anymore. I thought that this, this was what I've wanted with Naruto some time ago, that you belonged there in the middle of my living room holding me. And then you started kissing me and I kissed you back, my mind was moving 100km/ second, I thought about the hand that was on my back and the other that was under my chin, I thought about your knee that was touching my lower tight and of course your lips that were on mine and then I remembered I had a light lipstick on and I imagined you with lipstick on and I couldn't help but giggle. You didn't question it you just smiled along with me.

"Should we watch a movie? Or do you have something planned? Should I get dressed?"

I really expected the 'date' to start around noon or later so I wasn't really dressed up, the lipstick I had on was more because my lips were cracked because of the cold. But you shook your head and started cleaning up, or so it seemed until you dropped all the blankets just like that on the sofa and sat down. I went to refill my mug and bring you one as well. I sat with my legs in your lap covered with warm blankets and I was also hugging you, I felt very comfortable, even more then I was on my own on the floor reading. I noticed you weren't really watching the movie and I didn't either, only at the beginning.

I shifted a little so my face would be right in front of you and I waited for you to take the opportunity and kiss me, but you were teasing me so I made the first move. I'm not going to lie and say I was and am the best kisser in the world (like you are) but I tried and you were smiling which meant more than enough to me. In the end it was you that took the lead. But I was lowering myself on the sofa dragging you with me so we'd lay down…more comfortable, right? And you seemed to be a little far away so I took the chance to try and lead again but you were still not there so I shoved my hand in your hair, that got your attention and you groaned (which was extremely sexy) so I had to giggle.

Xxxx

"Are you hungry?" your eyes were still glued to the screen but you nodded, even so we waited until the cartoon was over before going. I also had to change and I gave you a hat and a muffler too. It was colder outside than I expected it to be. When you first asked me to go eat out I thought it would be a good idea but then I remembered Ino telling me that guys liked when girls cooked so…I asked if you'd like that. When you started laughing I was a bit scared, but you were there laughing hard and loud and I loved it.

In the end we went to buy some things we needed and I took the opportunity to place myself between you and the cart, my feet on the cart, I allowed you to push me around.

"What would you like to eat? I'm in the mood for some spaghetti what about you? Do you like pastas?"

But you didn't answer so I titled my back to look at you.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Hnnn, not a word."

I had to ask again all the questions and I found out that anything that had tomato, tomato sauce was good, because apparently you liked tomatoes. I still sometimes go shopping and buy one too many tomatoes always leaving one for you.

Xxx

We were already eating and we started talking, I told you about the time Ino stayed over because she was fighting with her father and…I told you about mine. I didn't meant to spoil the mood but it felt like a good time to talk about him. I told you about our bad relationship and yet how I wanted things to be fine. I wasn't really expecting much from you, a hug or something along the lines 'it's gonna be fine' something easy and cliché.

"I wish I could help Me and my dad have an alright relationship I guess, I talk more with my mother but that's how it's been since I was little."

I didn't expect you to open up so I hang onto everything you said. I loved that you were telling me things, especially since I knew from Sakura just how private you were.

"So…why did you move out?"

"Well…my family home is in the old district so it's really far away and I guess I just wanted to be on my own and do something for myself. Moving out was one of the first things that my dad really approved of and helped me a lot"

I loved the way the ends of your lips curled up a little just thinking about that. I was really glad you had a good memory about your father.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello people i know it's been a really long time. Now it's time for me to make up excuses, i'm a senior in high school and school is kinda shit and all that but tbh i just didn't feel like writing much lately. or even when i did wanna write and had some inspiration i didn't wanna continue this story but start a new one abut i had no ideas so i'd get mad and in less than 10 minutes the inspiration went away. it's a shitty feeling.**

 **ither way i hope you enjoy, and i'm sorry for the mistakes made in the chapter i didn' have time to check it. And usualy even after i check it there are still some so...**

 **Please R &R, Love Dia~~**

 **Sasuke POV**

Sunday afternoon we were still on your sofa watching some show, I forgot the name, eating pizza if I'm not mistaken, or were they pasta leftovers? I'm sorry but I tend to forget the things around us because I never paid attention to them in the first place. But I do remember the feeling of your back against my chest, your slender fingers drawing patterns on my knee, the way you fit perfect in that space between my legs. I looked at the back of your neck and followed down to your spine, it was covered by a sweater, of course, but it wasn't the night before. Even now I can almost picture it the way it was, I can still feel your skin under my fingers.

I can see the way you arched your back, how you pressed your breasts to my chest and wrapped your legs around my waist while kissing my neck and stopping for a moment to look at me, your fingertips moving lazy on my back. I traced every single part of you with my palms slowly, afraid that I might break you if I did that too fast.

"Sasuke"

You were breathing shallow slowly lowering yourself on your back, the moment your head hit the pillow you smiled at me and creased my cheek down to my neck, torso, your hand stopped on my stomach. I was watching every part of you as well, I took in every inch of uncovered skin.

I was on your sofa still with you in my lap thinking about that night. I remember the pressure on my shoulder when your hand was on it, you were trying to steady yourself after turning to look at me, I remember the pressure of your lips on mine and I sure remember the way you looked at me after a few kisses, the show long forgotten. With your other hand you were touching my jaw line then my neck and stopping on the hollow space in the middle of my collar bone, and your lips slowly followed the same route. How when you got to that space you placed your tongue there than moved up my neck to my chin finally kissing me at the end.

All I could think about was how shy you were sometimes, and how bold other times, how I loved every bit of you and how I wished that moment would have lasted longer.

That was until your phone rang, seeing the caller ID your body went still and I saw panic written all over your face. I didn't even have time to ask who it was because you answered.

"Hello…father. Did something happen?"

Your knee was still between my legs, the second you answered you lowered yourself to sit on my tight and your forehead to my shoulder, the ends of your hair tickling my arm.

Your hands were shaking, I couldn't help but hug you tight, that made you a little bit calmer. I didn't understand the words but I did hear a deep voice coming from your phone. You were still a little tense. Your father, we talked about him yesterday and… it seemed to be a sore topic. I wanted to help, but I didn't know what to do.

"N-no. Nothing is wrong…yes I understand…no…But father…H-hai.."

The phone call ended, but neither of us moved, your phone was still pressed against your ear. In the end it was still me that did the first move, I pressed my cheek to your shoulder and I looked over to the book shelves, they were arranged by colors, the pass from red to orange was so hard to spot, I wanted to count just how many blue books you have but I lost count around 16. You threw your phone next to us on the sofa, and you started to swing yet again, somehow we were swinging lightly, this easy movement, the silence and the smell of your apartment in general made me feel sleepy.

I closed my eyes for a moment and I felt like I could sleep right there. But…your shoulder started shaking and there was a sob. And another. I stopped breathing, you were crying and I didn't know what to do. I only held u tighter into my arms, I wanted to take the pain away, I wanted to shelter you from the ugly world.

"Hinata…"

You almost gasped, it almost felt like you forgot I was even there, that stung a bit but I let it slide, you were sad, your father managed to upset you again, a few images of a drunken you complaining about your nails passed through my head. I was thinking about that day and didn't notice when you rose your head, you were looking at me with wide, sad eyes, almost begging me to understand the words that you couldn't say. I didn't understand and I still don't.

Your fingertips almost touched my cheek, they were there but not yet, and inch, that was the distance between your skin and mine. Your eyes were still locked with mine they were sending waves of sadness, you were telling a story with your eyes only and I watched close, so close and yet I didn't catch even a word. I'm ashamed, so was I back then.

"I'm sorry Sasuke, but…I think you should go. It's not a good time anymore"

I didn't want to go, I remember stopping myself from begging, from kneeling and hugging your legs, promising I wouldn't bother you. Maybe I should have, maybe I should have shown you just how crazy you were making me, how much I loved you. But I only kissed your forehead and told you to call if you need something and I left.

The air outside was cold, I felt my heart freezing the second I stepped out, but maybe that was just loneliness. I wanted to help you but I didn't know how, I didn't want you to push me away but I didn't want to stay without you wanting me there as well. And for a few seconds I couldn't even remember last night.

And now I imagine you in your apartment, so warm yet you feeling cold. You were lonely right? You always were. I don't blame myself for what happened I just wish I paid attention to the details a little closer, I wish I saw the signs from the very beginning.

 **Hinata POV**

The weekend started perfect. I woke up Saturday to your sleeping face, you were so warm and close I felt like crying. It was still early so I stayed in bed thinking, remembering everything that happened the night before. All the kisses, the 'I love you' whispered, I remembered your eyes never leaving me, I remembered your cold hands against my back, your lips on my abdomen, I remembered how I ran my hands up and down your bare back.

Each memory gave me a fuzzy feeling but also made me a bit embarrassed so I was grateful for your arms around me, I was grateful I could easily hide my face in your chest. But I couldn't stay with my eyes closed much longer so I opened them and started at every part of you, your long lashes, your perfect lips, your beautiful hair that was covering a part of your forehead, your pale smooth skin on your neck…but there was an imperfection, a mark, red, a bite. I remembered kissing you there, I remembered leaving the mark there and it made me laugh, because there it was, proof that you were mine. Of course my sudden laughter woke you up and for a moment I felt bad but you smiled and said you prey to the Gods to allow you to wake up to my laughing face forever. You made everything not only better but the best, and I wish we could have stayed in that bed forever, hugging, kissing, fooling around until our hands could no longer hold on and our lips would be so swollen we couldn't even talk anymore.

This memory struck me a few days ago and I felt nostalgic, because out of every single sensation you made me feel the one I still remember vividly is the way your bare skin felt against mine, your chest moving slow, slow from breathing.

Anyway, we had to get out of that bed sooner or later, we stood on the sofa watching cartoons and eating the leftovers from yesterday, they were cold and didn't quite taste as good as the night before but I didn't mind. I leaned my head against your shoulder, the shoulder that I left a hickey on, which made me smile again, and I really thought that that day would be perfect, that nothing could ruin it. But something did.

But before that I was kissing your neck, your jaw line, collar bone, the hollow space there, I stopped there and something a little wild made me lick it, I loved the sharp inhale you took in that moment. So I moved up licking your neck , pressing my tongue to your Adam's apple up to the chin ending it with sloppy kiss.

The phone rang, and even before looking at it I knew it was him, it had to be him, only he could call and ruin all of this. With shaky hands I picked up the phone and answered, I kept telling myself this time will be different, that this time I'll be fine, but just like each time that's only a lie. I lowered my head to your shoulder.

"Hello…father. Did something happen?"

I felt you hug me and it made me feel a little better, not much, but it helped.

" **Hinata"**

Just like normally his voice blew me away, it was like a punch in the stomach, I almost felt like I lost my balance.

" **My daughter, how are you?"**

But I couldn't talk.

" **Speak child. Is something wrong?**

"N-no. Nothing is wrong"

" **I see very well then. I wish to meet you today, you will be joining us for dinner. I said us Hinata, you do understand what that means, don't you child?"**

"…yes I understand"

" **Good, still I have a feeling something is wrong. You couldn't still be mad about the last time, could you? My daughter is no plaintive!"**

"…no"

" **Hmm, doesn't matter. Be ready I will send for you in an hour"**

"…But father"

" **Do not complain Hinata, you will come to this dinner whether you like it or not!"**

"…H-hai.."

I couldn't move, I kept the phone there I still don't know why, was it an attempt to try and hear the kind words I want from him? Or was I only forcing myself to hear his heartlessness over and over again. I threw the phone away when I had enough and couldn't take it anymore. I still stood there swinging slow. I remembered him saying 'us' it wouldn't be just the 2 of us. Even without him telling me what was going on I knew already, I understood or rather, learnt the pattern. The pattern always made me so sad, I couldn't hold the sobs back.

"Hinata"

Your low whisper frightened me, I forgot you were there. I thought the warmness was still mine but I moved and I understood that the heath was coming off of you, I was dead cold. I wanted to touch you and get lost into you, forget about him, the dinner, 'us', the pattern but I couldn't so I tried to come up with something, a way to ask you to go, but take me with you, a way to tell you to leave, but stay, a way to tell you I have to meet him, but stay with you.

"I'm sorry Sasuke, but…I think you should go. It's not a good time anymore"

I saw pain in your eyes come and go as fast as a lightning, I wanted to take it all back, to wrap my hands around your back and not let you go, but you kissed my forehead and left.

"Call me if you need something"

The second you closed the door my fingers itched to dial your number. Before I didn't really want us to spend time together now I didn't want us to be apart, ever. But I had to move and get dressed, I had to move, to move, move. But I didn't not for 10 minutes, not for 20 minutes.

It took me 10 minutes to dress up and put on mascara, just that. I combed my hair and nothing else. I returned to the place where we sat on the sofa, it was cold, I was cold. I don't remember how another 20 minutes or so passed but before I knew it there was someone honking in front of my building so I walked out. The soul in me froze 100 times over while I moved slow from my door to the car.

I saw Ko smiling at me from inside the car, he knows he doesn't have to open my door but still chose to get out and open it anyway, Ko knows that I won't return his smile but he still smiled which made me feel guilty. The drive was silent just like all the others were, this was part of the pattern and I wanted to speak up, just shake things up, see what would happen but I didn't, I couldn't.

The restaurant was outside Konoha. And that made me want to throw up. I knew this side of the outskirt well, too well. I knew the shitty motels, I knew the nice old couples, I knew this restaurant, café, diner. Why, why, why there?

I placed a foot in front of the other anyway. I opened the door like I did at least 3 more times before, I was greeted by the nice girl behind the counter and I looked to my left, my table, the table I always sit at when I came here was taken by a man with his baby daughter which made me smile. I thanked God for not letting my father sit at that table. I looked to my right and there he was, with her, whoever her was this time around.

They both looked like they didn't belong there, and they didn't. His suit was more expensive then the diner itself and her earrings alone were more sparkly then the streets. I wanted to turn around but he spotted me and…smiled. The pattern, the patter. His smile used to please me but now it only takes part in the pattern, the smile is always followed by bad news, even now. A pity smile. The 'I give you this small bone so you won't freak out' smile. The 'I still feel nothing for you' smile.

"Hinata, sit down"

I did as asked, just like I always do. We sat in silence. His hand was on the table, unusual. Her hand was on top of his. They caught me staring but didn't break apart. Unusual.

"This is Akane, I believe you haven't met yet"

The girl, only a few years older than me smiled. But I didn't smile back. I never smiled back. I never learnt their names. I never liked them because they would never last, I knew that, he knew that, she didn't.

"Good evening Hinata, your father always talks about you. Only good things, of course. It's so good to finally meet you"

Her voice was too loud. I only nodded and looked back at my father and rose an eyebrow. I wanted him to say it so I could make a scene and go. The pattern I wanted it to be over with as soon as possible, before the food arrived, I couldn't eat with them. It hit me, that's why we were there, no one would know him there if I made a scene, no one would care, none important would find out. Smart daddy, smart. Looks like he learnt something from the pattern too.

"Hinata, I invited you over to let you know in person that Akane and I plan to get married in 5 months. This is not me asking you for approval, I am simply informing you"

I took a small breath and noticed that he let go of her hand. I closed my eyes and counted from 3 to 1. I opened my eyes and sadly they were still there so, I did what I always do. I cause a scene.

"Can't you see she's my age?! That's so embarrassing even for you father! And 'inform me' why thank you for telling me you'll marry a woman I meet for the first time, how long have you dated? Has it been 2 weeks now? I hardly doubt it!"

I was already on my feet, everyone was looking, my father didn't say a word, the woman was shocked. I did something out of the pattern.

"WE BOTH KNOW SHE WON'T LAST! NONE OF THE OTHERS DID!"

I left before he could say anything at all. I knew I exaggerated when I said 2 weeks, probably a few months ago when we were supposed to meet he ditched me for her, probably she was a good girl just like the others might have been, or maybe she was a bitch after his money…just like the others might have been. I didn't care, I never did.

This time Ko didn't open my door, he didn't smile he just took me back to my apartment, just like always.

"I really wish we could meet in better conditions Hime-sama"

Ko always says that but we never meet, I love him and I know he loves me but seeing him makes me remember these times and I don't want that. As soon as I got home I dressed back in the clothes I had on before and went to bed, I didn't care it was 5 pm. I never did. After the pattern was done it felt like every ounce of life I had disappeared.

That night I dreamt of you, the sheets smelled like you. I dreamt about hugging you, kissing you, loving you. I dreamt of making you mine and you making me yours.

The following day I had a text from dad, just like always.

"Will you be attending the wedding?"

He always asked, and I always did go, but this time I was hell bound to breaking the pattern.

"No"

Had I known he would go to such expenses to convince me to go, I would have lied.

 **Sasuke POV**

After I left your apartment I called Gaara, I went with him to the tattoo salon he wanted to get another tattoo and I kept him…'company'? Anyway, the whole day I kept looking at my phone wishing you'd call, but you never did.

At the end of the day all I could think about was you, I wanted to see you, I wanted to hold you. I took a shower and even there all I thought was you. I imagined taking a shower with you, which lead to a longer shower, followed by a cold one…just because…

I went to bed early and for the first time in weeks I dreamt of you rather the criminals. We were back at your apartment under your sheets, laughing. I wanted to be there.

Xxxxx

A few days later when I walked into Café Noir to get something hot to drink before going to the police office I saw you there with another girl, so I walked up to you after ordering a long coffee.

I didn't mean to interrupt your conversation but the second you saw me you smiled and got up. The other girl turned around to look at what you saw.

"I'll be going now Hanabi, bye"

"Hinata"

I took your hand and kissed your cheek which earned me a small giggle, I was glad you were fine. 'Hanabi' who I found later on is your sister just watched us.

 **Hinata POV**

After informing daddy dear that I would not go see him lie in front of God I thought I was done with the matter, I thought I could go back to ignoring everything about them, I thought I could go back to being able to say 'it's a good day to be in denial' a little part of the pattern I added myself, just for kicks. Guess I was wrong.

I didn't go to Uni that Monday, during classes hours I sat in Café Noir tapping my fingers on the table letting my tea go cold thinking about how we, as a family got to be so bad. I thought about the divorce, about how bad both mom and dad fought for custody, of how much at that time I thought they loved us, of how mom cried when dad won, of how he smiled but turned to us, 3 children 8,7 and 4 and his smile died. He realized what he had just done. The long trails and fights weren't about us. It was bout wining, bout principles, about them being so fucking stubborn and selfish. I saw it, the smile turning into a frown and the cries turning into internal cheering, we weren't wanted. I hated them. Hanabi was holding my hand confused wondering where we would be living, Neji was holding her other hand and I looked at him, his eyes were also on them both and he looked disgusted, of course he knew what the fight was about, he probably knew all along.

Time passed and my cold tea was replaced by a hot chocolate and instead of tapping my fingers I rested my chin in the palm of my hand while watching everything outside, snow started falling at some point.

The moment I turned my head to the door Hanabi walked in, she walked straight to me and sat down. We get along but…usually for us to meet it takes quite a lot of planning. Did she come here and I just happened to be here? Was she looking for me?

"Hanabi…?"

"Hello nee-san, what a coincidence. Shouldn't you be at Uni? Don't you have classes now?"

"I didn't go today"

Hanabi watched me for a moment, trying to analyze probably my mood, either she got it all wrong or she simply didn't care.

"You should come to the wedding it's important for him Hinata"

The wedding, of course that's what she wanted to talk about, she very rarely said my name instead of 'nee-san' that's what bothered me more actually. I sighed loud.

"Why would I Hanabi? This is his, what , 4th wedding after the divorce with mom. The last one they broke up during the honey moon, the planning of the wedding was longer than the actual marriage. Why should I go to another one of this fake 'eternal love' things? If this one is actually 'the one' than I'll regret not going but if this one is also another girl, because she's about my age, that will leave just as soon as she came I don't wanna bother. I don't wanna stay in a church with everyone I know, in a fancy dress pretending to be happy while I witness my father express his undying love for this girl in front of God, saying words that only sound nice, that actually don't hold his true feelings, only to be lied the same by the girl."

"Nee-san…that's not-"

"True? Really? To be honest I don't even know why he's even trying anymore. If he wants to date that's fine by me, but don't decide to get married after 2 months, plan the wedding for 9 months only to stay together 1 month. If you add all that time up it's a year Hanabi. What will he do now? Each year a new marriage for the rest of his life?"

Maybe my words back then were a little harsh, Hanabi looked sad and hurt, it's not like she actually liked the situation, probably she hated it just as much as I did. It was a good thing I looked up and saw you order something than walk my way. Never ever have I felt that happy, not only was I glad to see you but it was a good excuse to leave. I got up quickly, but not before seeing Hanabi look at you.

"I'll be going now Hanabi, bye"

I said that as I started walking towards you as well.

"Hinata"

I remembered you calling my name the night before the pattern and it gave me chills. You kissed my cheek and held my hand and this happiness from my soul escaped in the form of a small giggle, I had forgotten all about Hanabi.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello people, ok so I know I'm not really supposed to 'spoil' the story but I have reached a part of the story that could possibly be the ending, but I also have the possibility to continue it in an attempt to reach a happier ending. I finished some days ago or and I've been feeling quite empty because I don't feel like starting a new story so when I wanted to write and it was over I didn't know who to do. Either way, I hope you can share your thoughts about if I should or not keep going or stop where I am atm.**

 **Hope you enjoy. Please R &R. Love Dia ~~~**

 **Sasuke POV**

After I got my coffee and we were walking down the street towards the police office your arms around my forehand I noticed the smile disappear off your face.

"That was my younger sister"

I must admit I only looked at her for a moment, so I didn't really remember at that time how she looked. But I nodded and took a sip of my hot coffee. It was only the beginning of December but the cold was already here.

Once we arrived at my destination we parted ways with a kiss, I walked inside the building while you kept walking in front towards your apartment. I was making my way down the hallway to the archive when someone called me name.

"Sasuke?"

I turned around only to see a girl I didn't really recognize right away. But then I did, she was Ino, your friend and also Sakura's friend. She was sitting at one of the deputy's desk, her boots on the desk dripping water onto the floor. Her furry coat still on, she probably just walked in. I considered ignoring her but we made eye contact and that would have been awkward. So I walked towards her.

I nodded at her and she smiled back at me taking her feet off the table and resting her chin on the palms of her hands, still smiling, titling her hair to the left, some of her hair covering her right eye in the process.

"I hear from Hinata that things are going well with the 2 of you."

I narrowed my eyes trying to understand where this was going. She was the one that messaged me that time that you weren't feeling well. I realized that, she was also the one that ran past me and jumped on you at the start of the school year. I nodded again at her.

"So I only assume, you'll spend the Holiday together. I mean a lot of things will be going on. But just so you know I still wanna see Hinat to give her the Xmas gift and we always meet either a day before or after her birthday to celebrate, I'll leave you alone for New years cuz I have plans than too"

She was gibbering, but something got my attention. 'Birthday'

"Her birthday…?"

Her eyes opened wide for a moment, before smiling mischievous at me.

"Don't tell me you don't know when her birthday is Sasu-chan"

I felt a little betrayed because you didn't bring it up, but then again I never asked, which made me angry at myself. Ino was watching me with great interest, everything about that felt wrong. Finally I cleared my throat.

"Actually, I don't know."

Ino chuckled, admitting defeat must have been fun to watch. She turned to a calendar and moved her hand on the days of December, 12 to 16 to 23 finally stopping on 27, circling the date a few times than touching it 3 times. She looked back at me with a great smile on.

"So you see, for the 'We Love Hinata' team December is a full month. 25 is Christmas, 27 her birthday and than 31 New year's Eve. Many important things to celebrate, a lot of time to spend with her, many gifts to buy for someone that doesn't want or need anything."

Ino stopped and put the calendar back on the desk, watching someone over my shoulder for a moment than turning her eyes back to me.

"I love shopping, I love buying things for other people. But I always find it hard to buy anything for Hinata, not because she might not like it, but because nothing feels important enough, deep enough or useful for that matter, no matter how expensive it might be. Hinata likes everything that someone gives her and she will treasure it forever, but she deserves something…unique, something so much like her that it wouldn't fit anyone else."

I knew what she meant, I didn't really wanna admit it but I started looking at some things online that I could buy you for Christmas before that conversation, now I needed another gift. Just like she said, the price didn't matter, it just had to be special.

"Ino stop wasting Sasuke's time. It's almost the end of the semester and he needs to finish his work."

Inoichi Yamanaka said while walking towards his desk which was occupied by Ino at that moment.

"Ok dad. I'll be leaving now." Ino got up kissed her father's cheek and patted my upper arm

"Good luck Sasu"

Inoichi's desk was far away from the frontal door but yet the cold wind got to us after Ino opened the door and left.

"I didn't know you and my Ino were friends"

He looked at me with narrowed eyes almost trying to figure out if I was worth his daughter's time.

"We just have a common…friend"

I cringed a little saying that, I promised myself I'd apologize to you for calling you a friend.

XXXX

On my way back home, I found myself looking thought the windows of random shops trying to find something that would fit you. I guess the talk with Ino put a little more pressure on me. But nothing seemed good. I entered a jewelry store looking for a pair of earrings, or something along those lines. The shop wasn't very big and there were 2 people inside already, apart from the shopkeeper.

"She's not going..? She told you that?"

"Yes, she basically had a speech about it. And I won't lie it was pretty good"

Without meaning to I overheard parts of their conversation, I saw something that intrigued me, it was a earring in the shape of a snake, the skinny thing had its 'tail' curled around while the head was to the right looking to the side. I made a mental note of it. The shopkeeper later on explained to me that the tail started at the lobe than moved up to the upper lobe and the head was across to the inner lobe, basically it needed 3 piercings in one ear to be worn, I knew you didn't have more than one in each ear but it still got my attention.

Right as I was about to turn around and leave someone patted my shoulder. A teenager and a guy about my age were standing in front of me, they were the other people in the shop when I walked in.

"You're…Hinata's boyfriend, right?"

It took a lot of self control not to open my eyes wider, something the other guy did. His hands were crossed over his chest but they fell when he heard that. His nose twitched and he looked at me for a second before turning back to the girl.

"What did you say?"

"Earlier today when I talked to her, he came in the café and Hinata practically jumped him. Also she giggled and they held hands so…"

I realized she was the girl you were talking to before. She simply extended her hand and smiled at me while the male sighed and shook his head.

"I'm Hanabi, Hinata's sister and this is Neji, our cousin, nice to meet you"

I nodded at her and stood for a second waiting for her to drop her hand but she didn't so I was forced to shake it.

"Sasuke. Pleasure"

The pause was awkward and I wanted to leave, and thankfully Neji's phone rang. Looking at him a little closer I realized something, he was there when we went at that hotel with a pool last summer. We didn't talk but he was there.

After nodding a few times, which appeared strange because the person on the other end couldn't see him nodding, Neji hung up and turned to Hanabi and without another word they left.

 **Hinata POV**

For the next couple of weeks I honestly don't remember much, we met now and then, everything pretty much is a haze, the last weeks before the holidays seemed to fuse into one blurry moment that stopped when I opened my front door on Wednesday after my last day of school until January.

I didn't even think of looking through the peeking whole before opening the door. I was waiting for you, we made plans to hang around. There is something I remember before this moment, it was when you asked me about my birthday, I didn't want to be the one bringing it up, I didn't want to make you feel like you had to buy me a present but Ino told you. Either way going back to the door-moment, on the other side was mom, with a luggage and a smile.

There were times when she visited in the winter but never when the pattern was in movement. The second I saw her I imagined the fights the screaming, the broken thing thrown around the room. I saw the future-new-wife watching in horror as her husband-to-be and his ex-wife tear each other to pieces both with words and actions, I thought maybe it will scared her and the pattern would fall apart.

"Hinata, aren't you going to invite me in? it's very cold outside dear."

I looked at her for another moment before moving and making room for her to come in. I didn't notice I was shaking until I turned o close her door and my hand was twitching on the handle.

"You're surprised, aren't you?"

Her voice was cheerful and I'm sure she was smiling. I was thinking of ways to tell Hanabi that this is another Christmas that will end in tears, probably ours.

"Yea-I am"

I barely got those words out. She was already taking things out of her luggage while sitting on the sofa, I was just watching her from the doorframe, I wished to close my eyes and open them and see her gone. I did it a few times but every time she was still there talking.

The door rang again and I felt like dying, because I knew it was you.

"Are you going to see who it is?"

I didn't move, I couldn't, my heart was falling apart. I didn't want you to see her, I didn't want her to see you. I never wanted you to meet either of them, I was so afraid they might break you. In the end I walked to the door and opened and surely you were there with a smile on.

"Hey"

You said that before kissing me and walking in, did I think it was strange? No. Should you have waited for me to invite you in? Also no. Both of us walked in and out of the other's home like it was our own, and I would like to think as your apartment as somewhere I felt home as well.

" I thought we could spare a kid's life and not get food delivered today so I did some shopping"

I didn't even notice the bags you were holding until you said that, it made sense you waited till I opened the door instead of just walking in. For a bit I forgot about my mom sitting on the sofa and the disastrous family dinners that were to come.

But when you were about to walk into the living room I grabbed your hand and stopped you. You looked at me quizzical as I stood on my tip toes and kissed you. It was meant as a distraction for both of us, and oh boy had it worked. Because the next moment my arms were around your neck, the bags were on the floor and your hands were on my hips bringing me even closer. It was so sweet and nice and it lasted so little because the voice coming from the other room made me cringe.

"Hinata, sweety? Who was at the door?"

We stopped. Sasuke, you picked up the bags and looked at me.

"Someone else here?"

I just nodded and you walked in the living room, my mom was still on the sofa yet her luggage was empty. When she saw the two of us she got up quickly and smiled even brighter.

"Sasuke…this is my mom. Mom, my…boyfriend"

I didn't really wanna say it because I knew she'd make a big deal, also because she would brag about meeting you to dad and a fight would start and it would be all my fault. After you greeted each other we took the bags in the kitchen while my mom sat in the living room placing around her things.

"I'm sorry, she just showed up."

"I see, it's ok…" you made a small pause "Do you not get along with her?"

I think I was smiling despite wanting to cry. I used to get along with everyone in my family, we were all so good, I really have no idea when things turned out like that. I didn't know mom and dad weren't getting along until a month before the divorce, I never saw them fight until I was 7. But I guess maybe that was the problem, they bottled everything up for so long that when it exploded the damage was beyond repair.

"I…don't know how to get along with her"

But that was a bit of a lie.

"At least not when she's here. Things are different when I'm in Kiri"

 **Sasuke POV**

The first day of holyday (a Wednesday) we were supposed to hang out at your place so on the way I stopped and bought a bunch of things for us to cook together. Cooking together, watching tv, just sitting in the same room, not necessary touching just being around you felt so nice and it was what I was starting to call normality.

Anyway I rang the doorbell, which I never do but it was easier to wait for you to open the door, you took your time opening it. When u finally did I said 'hey' and bent down to kiss you.

" I thought we could spare a kid's life and not get food delivered today so I did some shopping"

I said that while walking to the kitchen but before we reached the end of the hall you stopped me and kissed me, slow at the beginning but it soon turned into a full on make-out session.

"Hinata, sweety? Who was at the door?"

To be honest that voice startled me, but I picked up the bags and walked beside you, only to see an older version of you, without the bangs sit up from the sofa. You introduced me but you seemed hesitant and I noticed you eyeing everything that wasn't yours in the room. We went to the kitchen to put the groceries away.

"I'm sorry, she just showed up."

"I see, it's ok…"

I didn't mind meeting your parents, I mean you had already met mine so it was bound to happen. But I had a feeling you didn't want me to meet them. I knew a bit about your relationship with your father but you never said anything about your mom. All I knew was that she lived in Kiri and during summer you were there most of the time.

"Do you not get along with her?"

A sad smile appeared on your soft traces and it made my heart hurt for a moment, I wanted to touch your cheek but I didn't mean to intrude or stop you from answering.

"I…don't know how to get along with her" a small pause "At least not when she's here. Things are different when I'm in Kiri. Can I be honest?"

I didn't expect you to ask me that, I just nodded and waited for whatever you might throw at me.

"I want her to go away" you covered you face with your hands, you seemed so tired, exhausted. "I wish she hadn't come. They always fight and we end up crying."

"Hinata—"

"No, I need to say this. Just once I want a normal end of the year with all its holydays. No screaming, no broken pottery, no one ending up in tears or drinking their sadness away."

"Stop."

I tried to stop you but you kept talking. Your mother was behind you, looking at me and she didn't seem affected at all. When you turned and saw her, I expected you to apologize, but you sighed in frustration and pulled at the ends of your hair muttering a small "of course you heard".

I felt like an intruder, like I was witnessing something I shouldn't have, some dark part of your soul that I shouldn't be able to see, not so fast.

"Mom, I won't apologize. You know that's what always happens. It never changes and it won't this year either."

You were with your back at her and your eyes were closed either way but I think you knew she nodded and left the room. I had no appetite anymore and I kept considering leavening the two of you alone. I didn't know which option was better, staying or going, and I think that's what you were thinking about too. Now that I think about it, maybe we reached different conclusions, because when I said I'd better go you seemed sad, well…sadder. I didn't really see it than, but looking back at that moment I think you wanted me to stay.

 **Hinata POV**

After I poured my thoughts and feelings into your hands and my mom heard them as well you decided to leave. I still don't know if I'm glad you did or not. I wanted you to stay and her to leave but that wasn't going to happen. After walking you out and kissing you goodbye I was alone with her. The Tv was off and the only noise in the apartment was the sound of my feet hitting the floor as I made my way to the living room.

I stopped in the middle of it for a few minutes, waiting for her to talk, she didn't so I went to my room and locked myself there.

I considered calling Neji or Hanabi and tell them she was there, but I knew they'd bring up the wedding as well. After Hanabi's attempt to convince me failed dad send Neji to do exactly the same thing. I opened the door and asked if it the wedding he wanted to talk about, when he said yes I slammed the door in his face and walked away.

Do you see something I do often? Walk away, ignore, I never realized how much I do that until I started writing this…letter, story. Whatever it is. It appears that's who I am, that says a lot, wouldn't you say so, Sasuke?

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I was jerked awake by a loud crash. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock before leaving my room, it was almost 1 am. With small steps I found my way to the kitchen where mom was on her knees cleaning up what looked like milk and picking up broken pieces of a cup.

When she noticed me, she apologized for waking me up and for the cup. She looked so small and fragile, broken and old, and most of all sad. Her eyes were red and puffy, she must have been crying. Mom turned back to cleaning up, how did I not notice how cruel I have become to everyone. I wanted to apologize, but I kept my mouth shut because of a strange sense of pride. Then I remembered the court law, their fight over us, what happened after it was over and I felt disgusted once more, not only because of them, but because of me, because I was turning into them.

"I'll replace the cup, I hope it didn't have much emotional value. I took the one in the back thinking you never use it. But maybe it was there because it was important."

She was rambling, I looked at the broken cup and I didn't even remember having it.

We stood in this awkward position, staring at each other without talking for a few minutes, it really felt like I didn't know how to talk to her and I think she felt the same. It was quite sad.

After the cup incident I went back to bed, only when I woke up later at 3 am did I think about mom, if she had any pillows or a blanket, "She surely took the ones on the ground" I kept thinking that, convincing myself I didn't need to worry. It's not like she was a stranger there, I felt relieved when in the morning I saw her sleeping on the couch with the blanket on.

I hadn't slept that bad in quite some time, it was a little over 6 am. I thought about running but the weather outside didn't agree with me. It was snowing. In 4 days it would be Christmas, in 6 my birthday and in 10 New Year's Eve.

I was thanking myself for buying gifts in advance for everyone, even mom. I even thought about getting the new-wife a gift, but it ended up being just a thought. I told myself that was enough. It had to be, I wasn't willing to make any other compromise.

I went back to my room and called Neji, he picked up after the second ring. I know I woke him up, even so his voice sounded just the same, he seemed unfazed.

 **"** **Hinata? "**

I considered hanging up, maybe if I didn't tell them, the fights could be prevented. But I knew that wouldn't happen.

"She's here. Sleeping on my sofa. She came last night all of a sudden."

 **"…** **Your mother."**

It wasn't a question but I answered with a 'yes' either way. The conversation stopped for a moment.

 **"** **Looks like Christmas will be interesting this year as well"**

"It appears so."

If this would have been a normal conversation I would have asked about TenTen, about school, about him, his life. But I knew that no matter what I said the only thing that he would go to was the wedding so I said my goodbye and hung up.

It was only the start of the day and I couldn't wait for it to end. Just a little more, a few more days and she'd be gone. I couldn't stop thinking if she knew about the wedding, and what would happen when she found out or when she saw the new wife. I looked around my room trying to find a way to kill time, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't run, I didn't want to think, what else could I have done?

My fingers twitched when I picked up my phone and called you, I didn't know what to say really, I didn't know why I was calling and to be honest I felt a little relieved when the call went straight to voice mail.


	10. Chapter 10

**Regarding the fact of continuing or not the story i honesty haven't decided yet...probably i won't know for sure until the last chapter i have so far is posted, i'll see how i feel about ending it in such a manner.**

 **Either way, i hope you enjoy, please R &R. Love Dia~~**

 **Hinata POV**

I spent every day since mom arrived till Christmas wishing for the damn holiday to be over already. The plan was to spend the 24th with you and the 25th with them. After that it was Ino and Sakura's time on 26th both for Christmas and my birthday and 27th with you once more.

You came to pick me up from my house at 3 am the night between 23rd and 24th I didn't really get it when you asked to do that but I liked the idea of spending more time with you and not them. I wanted to give my mind a break and fill my thoughts with you. And it worked perfectly when at 3:05 am I opened my door while still in pjs with a fur coat on, boots and the ugliest hat I've ever seen on and a small bag full of clothes on my shoulder.

The drive to your apartment wasn't long, there were quite a few cars on the streets despite the late hour and the cold, I almost fell asleep but I tried hard to stay awake, but that was no problem when we reached your apartment and I got out of the car in the freezing weather, I was wide awake from the col. We walked fast while holding hands, almost running from the car to the door through the snow, I laughed a little but the icy air froze my throat so I stopped.

Finally when we got inside your apartment we went right back into your bed and slept for an hour, or at least tried to. Around 5 am a storm unraveled and the thunder woke me up. I stood still for a few moments before turning to face you and saw you were awake, watching me. Your cheeks were warm when I touched them, or my hands were just cold.

I was still a little cold but you warmed me up soon enough despite the fact that I didn't have my pj anymore. The kisses and strokes set my skin on fire.

At the end I was cuddled against your chest drawing small patterns on your torso right above your heart. I felt so content. You were talking, telling me everything and nothing, your small whispers filled the room and made the atmosphere even more fairy-tail like.

I couldn't remember how long has it been since I felt so at ease during the holidays. You were gently moving your hand up and down my back under the blanket. It was quite heavy and warm, I enjoyed and welcomed the pressure it brought with it.

When I woke up next morning it was already 11. At some point I knew you had woken up too but I decided not to say anything or move. Memories of last night still fresh in my mind made me feel giddy.

"I don't want to ever get up"

You talked into my hair and I couldn't agree more. I looked up at you and leaned in to kiss you, my hands were in your hair slowly pulling at the ends earning myself a small groan which made me smile into the kiss.

"You…seem…in…a…good…mood"

You said each word after a few kisses and I only nodded, never breaking contact between our lips. It was becoming a little hard to breath but I didn't care.

"Hinata"

After you said that I got up a little and looked at you. How could you be so perfect even in the morning. I traced your jaw-line, neck and collarbone. I didn't want to stop touching you, it almost felt like if for a moment we didn't have skin-on-skin contact the spell would be broken.

Your hands traveled up and down my sides finally squeezing my hips and pulling me into your lap. You sit up as well and I wrapped my legs around your waist. Now it was you kissing my shoulder and breasts while you playfully squeezed my ass, I couldn't help but gasp. You chuckled but continued kissing now and then sucking on my skin leaving behind small imperfections on my pale skin.

I don't know if you ever did that intentionally or not, but every time we did it you left a hickey on the same spot, most of them were on different places each time but on my right breast a bit higher than the nipple there was always one. I always loved how there was always one there.

Your hands moved from my ass to my upper tights and they kept moving up, I was already breathing harder.

XXXXX

We got out of bed only around 1 or 2 pm and ate 'breakfast' then. I always loved your apartment, the old brick wall in the hall way and the full wall of book cases in the living room gave it so much personality. The old wooden floor and antique looking furniture made me feel like we were out of space and time when we were here, maybe that's why I always liked it better when we spent time here rather than my place.

But probably what made me adore it even more was the smell, how everything smelled like you, I adored your smell, every time after you slept in my bed the pillow you used would catch your smell and the following days I'd sleep with my head buried in it, whenever you left a piece of clothing behind I'd wear it, to be honest it was a borderline obsession.

"What?"

I probably was staring at you for a long time because you asked that with a goofy look on your face. I remembered how cool and calm you always looked and how Sakura described you as 'dark' and I couldn't help but think how lucky I was I could see that smile, that expression.

"I was just thinking of how much I love this place. Despite it being further from the campus I like it a lot more than my apartment."

"Really?"

I only nodded while watching you, something was spinning in your head, I could see the wheels working. Finally you looked back up at me and you looked a little frustrated than a bit sad than uneasy.

"Sasuke? Something wrong?"

"Would you…consider moving here?"

 **Sasuke POV**

On 24th December I asked if you would want to move in with me. I couldn't help but think of that when you said you liked my apartment better, which made me very happy knowing you enjoyed spending time there more than at your own house.

"What..? Y-you…want me to move here? L-like in this apartment? Here? With you?"

"Yea…But only if you want to. It was just an idea."

You kept biting your lower lip like you always did when you were thinking really hard. On one hand I wanted to make you stop since it was becoming really red, on the other I wanted to be the one biting it.

"You don't have to answer now, it's fine. Just think about it for a bit, ok?"

If I'm honest I said that without thinking so I was a little relieved when we decided to put the matter aside and we went on with the plan. After eating lunch we watched some really boring Christmas movies, after the second one I suggested we play a game during the next one, each time someone said 'Christmas' or 'Santa' we would take a shot.

You agreed to the game way easier than I thought you would. But after the first 10 minutes, you paled because in that short amount of time we already had 5 shots.

"You know…I'm kind of a lightweight, something tells me I'll be in an alcoholic coma by the end of this movie"

I couldn't help laughing, which made you pout and you hit my shoulder with the back of your hand.

"I'm serious Sasuke, don't laugh"

The words lost all meaning the moment you started chuckling as well. But you were right by the middle of the movie you were wasted and I was dizzy enough so we decided to ditch that idea and just watch the rest of it normally.

"I feel like this is the calm before the storm. I wish today would last forever because this is such a beautiful picture and I don't want it to break. Every Christmas I feel like things go downhill and also like they break something inside me"

I remember that quote well, I still hear your sleepy voice in my head. I didn't take it being much, maybe it was because I was also drunk or because I didn't know just how true everything you said would be. You gave me warnings, I notice them now, looking back at things, but back than they seemed just like words threw in the wind for the sake of poetry.

I didn't reply to what you said, instead we cooked together making a mess of everything, including our clothes. I stood behind you while you were putting our creation into plates.

"We could do this every day." I whispered into your ear. I knew I was pushing it " if only you moved here. We could do this…every day"

Just like I ignored some of the things you said now and then you ignored my words and I didn't try to bring it up, at least not that day. After food came storied from childhood, I also had proof to show you, we went through the few photo albums I had there. It was almost 9 when we were done laughing and you all of a sudden got up too fast which made you dizzy(er) and you almost fell over. All of that made me laugh louder which somehow turned into snoring and you watched me with your jaw dropped before busting into a giggling fit as well.

That's what I like to remember. That moment when everything felt right in the world.

"Sasuke stop! We didn't put up the tree!"

You were right we forgot about the tree, it was in the living room but we didn't decor it, and I must say a drunken you isn't the best designer. The tree looked horrible which only made you laugh again. You were on your back onto the blankets on the floor holding your stomach while laughing.

Your hair was in a lazy ponytail you had on this ugly sweater which matched mine since you forced me to wear it. Your feet were bare. I stood next to you and took your hand and you put your head on my chest and we just stood there, breathing in and out.

"Do you really mean it?"

I asked you what and you stood and stared at me.

"Me moving in. do really mean it? Should I? do you want me to?"

"I do."

"Ok"

"Ok…" I dumbly repeated what you said, it took me a moment to realize what it meant.

XXXXX

We went to bed around midnight and at 4 in the morning your phone rang. You jumped right out of bed dragging me with you. You said that is how you did Christmas as a child, since your parents always told you to wait till the morning you'd go to bed and wake up at 4 am and wake everyone telling them it was morning and to go open the presents.

We stood next to the tree each of us a box in hand counting to 3 before shredding the paper as children, which according to you was the only was anyone could open a Christmas present.

I don't think it was about the presents itself, I think it was about the fact that you could do it again, that you felt comfortable enough to do it again.

"This is beautiful Sasuke"

I ended up buying you a black dress, because Ino said you didn't have one, and a charm bracelet with our initials, a book, a magnifying glass and a small bow. Also I framed a picture of us. I honestly didn't know what to get you. But you still acted like it was the most beautiful gift you have ever gotten.

I almost forgot about my present while I was watching you. But finally you told me to 'hurry up and open it' so I did. Inside was a vinyl record from my favorite band, a first edition of the 'Police Academy Book" from 1870, a pair of sunglasses and a USB stick.

"It is said that detectives wear the best shades, and on the stick are 365 pictures of both of us or just you and me with funny comments, one for each day of the year until next year."

As a kid I got pretty good gifts from my family but no one ever gave me a gift that required so much work and thought. If anyone saw the box and asked which I adored most they'd for sure not get it if I said the USB. I still have all of them. The shades are in my car, the USB in my desk, the book in my shelf and the vinyl on my wall. Maybe I should have thrown all of them away. But I didn't and I don't think I ever will.

After opening the presents we went back to bed but instead of sleeping right away we talked. It wasn't chitchat anymore, we talked about why you moved out when you were 14. About how you wish you could have taken your sister and cousin with you. About how when you told your father about it he didn't even bat an eye, about how he didn't even help you. But you made it out alive.

The morning came all too fast and before I could even breath in your scent you were gone, I felt oddly alone and cold into my own house so I decided to drive all the way to my parents and stay with them for 2 days until your birthday.

I already sent my gifts for them with Itachi, I didn't expect to come home to coldness and tension. Itachi told my parents about him. And my father didn't react all that well. For my own well being I wish I hadn't gone there, but for Itachi I'm glad I did.

 **Hinata POV**

My time with you went by too fast and as soon as I closed my eyes for a moment it was already the morning and I had to go. I drove to my father's house but I didn't walk in right away. I stood in my car with the heath blasting trying to build up enough courage to open the front door and walk inside.

When I finally did the sound of my heels against the marble floor made me feel alone, but I guess the silence is better than the shouting. I decided to walk upstairs to my sister's room. She was on her bed talking on the phone with someone. Her legs up in the air moving just like you see in movies, I walked to Neji's room, not wanting to disturb Hanabi's conversation. My cousin was wearing only his dress pants and ironing a white shirt. I stood on his bed and watched him.

"She didn't arrive yet. Your father is still in his office and dinner is being cooked."

I wanted to ask where the other 'she' was. But I stopped myself. Neji put on his shirt than a tie and finally a pull-over the color of the deepest and darkest sea there is. He always looked like that, clean cut. You would think he was a doctor or a lawyer not a sport student.

I shivered remembering the Christmas of Neji's last high school year. How my father looked at him after Neji said he wanted to go to that Uni, how the chair fell over when he backed away too fast and left the room. I never understood why Neji was staying in the dorms instead of an apartment. Maybe he was taking care of Hanabi, feeling like that task fell onto his shoulders after I left.

After a few more words the front door opened once more. Heels were heard and then they stopped. I could feel the tension in the air building. It was chocking me. I could already hear everything. As I and Neji left his room Hanabi emerged from hers as well and the 3 of us walked downstairs and we were greeted by my mother and..the other 'she'. Staring at each other.

My mother looked at us like we were onto her, like we betrayed her. The other 'she' smiled at us and once she saw me I noticed her taking a step back.

"Hinata. I'm so glad you joined us"

I liked that she was scared of me. But now? I feel bad. I did nothing to even try to welcome her. It wasn't her fault my family was like that. She just started dating an older man hoping for stability but found herself in the middle of an avalanche and the snow buried her alive just like it did us.

I nodded and walked past them into the kitchen and living room. Under the tree were way too many gifts for one family and I felt a bitter taste in my mouth. I hated how instead of wearing pjs all of us were dressed formally enough to greet the King and Queen. The office door opened and he walked out. I was the only one in the living room.

I know he was looking at me but I was looking at the tree. He walked beside me.

"You look lovely" long pause "I wish for this Christmas to be good"

I turned around.

"It won't be. She's here" he sighed

"I wish you'd give Akane a chance—"

"Not her. Mother is."

I watched him and saw his smile die and his face pale. His hands turn into fists and his eyes narrow. The moment I turned around the said 2 women walked in the room. Mother smiled at father, greeted him and walked over to kiss his cheek. They never did that. She was trying to piss off the other 'she'…Akane. And she made all of us uncomfortable.

Father introduced the two awkwardly while Neji texted someone, probably TenTen and Hanabi was looking at me, I looked at her and tried to smile. The memory of us laughing last night felt years ago.

I didn't think there was anything worse than the fighting, but silence was the worst. I waited for someone, anyone to say something, to break, to explode. But no one did. We ate like any normal dysfunctional family would. The sound of forks and knives hitting the plate filled the room.

I looked at my mother as she was watching Akane talk to father in a low voice for us not to hear. I waited for her to scream and shout to break things, maybe even flip the table. I waited for Neji and Hanabi to excuse themselves, so I could leave too. I waited for anyone to make any mistake.

It was gift time, I bought Hanabi a dress and some make-up things, Neji a watch and a pair of boxing gloves (we talked about how he would want to try boxing and MMA), Mother a necklace, Father a shirt and a tie (despite knowing he has billions) and Akane a pair of shoes (I ended up getting something for her last minute). Common presents, things 'rich' people would like (not talking about Hana and Neji I actually put thought into their gifts.)

The evening went on after the gifts to watching Tv which was again silent, it took until dinner for mother to talk.

"I waited for you to say something Hiashi. I noticed the ring on her finger right away"

Father sighed and Hanabi looked at me horrified.

"Yes, Hikari. I am getting re-married"

Mother nodded " I guess I shouldn't be very surprised. You seem to do that quite often"

I got up and was about to leave when father talked again.

"Since we are discussing the wedding. Hinata did you change your mind? You will be coming, right?"

I gave him a stern look.

" Don't do this, not now. You can fight me every day. She's here only for a bit. Do the annual Christmas fight. It wouldn't be a holiday without someone shouting and something being thrown. "

Akane looked at me like I might have lost my mind, like the fact that us as a family didn't get along was the most unusual thing that ever was. I sighed and left the room feeling worse and emptier than I should have.

I went home early and directly went to bed. I slept until Ino called me asking where I was. I showed up to her house later than I was supposed to and probably looking like a zombie, I didn't dare look in a mirror. Even so neither of them asked anything about how Christmas home was, they both knew better than that.

The day went by fast I honestly don't remember half of it. I don't think I really paid attention to anything they said. I didn't drive home when I woke up to change I went directly to your home.

I knocked on the door and you opened up looking pretty roughed up as well. I smiled in a sympathetic way and walked inside.

"Not the best Christmas ever, huh?"

"I went to my parent's house only to find out Itachi spilled the beans and everything was awkward and cold. Itachi looks worse than I do"

"Nothing like family drama on the holy night. Wouldn't you say so?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Probably you can feel it in the way the story is going or on my last 2 writer notes but the story is about done. Just one more chapter apart from this one...I suck at endings, they feel stretched or like i got bored and just threw it there. When i started the story what i had in mind was a million miles away from where i am now. I had troubles writing this story, some of you might remember that i posted it than took it off then re-posted it a bit different. I really wanted it to be more than 20 chapters and i felt like i could make it but i guess 12 is as far i go. The response to both this chapter and the following will influence if i write a sequel or not.**

 **I hope you enjoy, please R &R. Love Dia~~**

 **Hinata POV**

The end of the year and start of the next one is always something people are looking forward to, whether it's just another excuse to party or the feeling of leaving everything behind and starting new that draws people in I have no idea. The customs for New Years eve never really rubbed onto me. I never enjoyed going to the festival and then praying at a Shirine, making a wish for the new year and ringing a bell. Despite my disliking to the event I have looked up other customs around the world such as watching a huge glass ball drop at midnight and kissing whoever is next to you, or throwing money on the floor and dancing on them in hope you'll have a wealthy year.

I was 7 when my feelings toward New Year turned sour. It used to be my favorite part of the year, I loved how I was allowed to eat whatever I wanted and also stay up until the sun raised, maybe that's what people enjoy about it as well, but what do I know? Either way, when I turned 7 we didn't go to pray because my mother 'was not feeling well' and my father said we couldn't leave her alone. That was when I still called them 'mom and dad'.

Since she was ill nothing fancy was being cooked, no music was being played, we weren't dressed up. It was 8 p.m. and the lights were turned off, time for all of us to sleep. But I knew it was New Year and I wasn't going to allow that day to end like that, I took Hanabi and went to Neji's room. We stood and talked until later into the night. It was 15 minutes to midnight when we all decided to go downstairs and bring up some snacks to eat until midnight. We even considered waking up my parents, so it would feel like the holiday was saved.

Little did we know they were already up. When we opened Neji's door to go downstairs every light in the house was on. I have no idea how we didn't notice it before. My father was downstairs in the living room on the phone walking in circles and my mother nowhere to be seen. We waited and listened to what he was angrily whispering into the phone, I could pick up on things such as 'bring her here' or 'how could she do that'.

We didn't move from up there, we might not have known what was going on but something surely was off. We must have stood on the stairs holding our breath for at least 20 minutes when the door opened and mother walked inside. Her hair was messy and her eyes blood-shot but she was smiling. The kind of smile that could light up the universe. But as soon as father saw her the whispering ended and he started shouting at her. She screamed back.

Neji took Hanabi back to her room while I stood and listened to her telling him how she couldn't deal with it anymore, how she would take her things and go in the morning, how she'd take us with her because he wasn't good enough.

Remembering that she even mentioned us feels funny now, it seemed she actually cared and wanted us but the custody trail proved it wrong.

I looked at the clock and it was 15 minutes past midnight, the new year had only started but I somehow felt like something ended. She was never sick, she wasn't even there. Mother spend that New Year with another man because she and father had issues we didn't even know about. She was deeply in love with that man and wanted to get remarried and take us with her. The divorce happened and between that and the custody trail we met mother's lover. He was so young, 22 at most, she didn't tell him he'd meet us, actually I don't even think she told him about us. Once we entered the restaurant with her he stood up and left.

As much as I would like to blame all of this on her, my father was just as guilty, once when they were still fighting before the divorce papers were signed she accused him of cheating, multiple times and he never denied it.

As a child I really thought our family was perfect, or even normal but we were a thousand miles from that. I didn't cry when she left, I didn't cry when she moved, I didn't cry when we were stuck with him. But I did cry when at 14 years he brought home another woman that told me to call her 'mommy' I did cry when I told him I'd move out and he laughed at me, I did cry when I stood alone in my new apartment and he was out with that woman, I cried when I went to the wedding and he didn't even talk to me, I cried when mother first showed up for Christmas and she threw my uncle's crystal glass at a wall, I cried when I saw Neji flinch when the glass broke leaving behind nothing that belonged to his dad anymore.

So saying that I wasn't a big fan of New Years was an understatement. That is the reason why when the clock hit midnight I was always already asleep, that is why when you wanted to go out I decided to stay in, that is why Ino knew better than to call at midnight and wish me a happy New Year. That is the reason why waking up on 1st of January I always feel this great loss that dulls over the hours until on 2nd of January I am me again. As silly as this may sound, I still do it and I'm sure I always will.

On 3rd of January school started again. We had another month until the semester would end, another month full of nothing but exams. We did meet, it wasn't like school kept us super busy...we met almost everyday and even if we'd just sit around in your apartment or mine studying in silence that was enough. We didn't talk about me moving in, I knew we'd keep that matter until the semester was over.

I never told you about this, I never told anyone back then, about how sometimes I felt this rush of joy for a few days only for it to disappear in a flash, leaving me hollow. How the smallest, most unimportant details would stand out to me in such a matter and they would make me cry, I had this stories in my head, scenarios of how something would turn out and it was always for the worst. I had this tendency to either bite the inside of cheek or scratch my left shoulder, the inside of my cheek is scarred and my shoulder is prompt to sunburns or even irritations.

One day, after my 3rd exam of the semester I went home like I always did, but I had forgotten a window cracked open and the cold got inside the house, the lights were on. I looked at the rooms, the furniture, my home for the past few years and I felt utterly alone and dead-cold. I think I stopped breathing for a few moments only to inhale the icy air a bit later. When the first sob escaped my mouth, I was already in action. I took everything and dumped all of them into boxes, bags.

I remember with how much care I first arranged the pictures and books on my dresser, that time I only put a box at the end and swiped all of them inside not even stopping when I heart things breaking. I must have gotten home around 6 by 10 everything was packed, after a few trips my car was full and I was ready to go. And I was gone. Thinking back to that day I still can't understand how I thought that was normal, how I thought I was fine.

 **Sasuke POV**

The holidays passed with a few fights but also a few good memories. And the school year picked up right where it left off, exams. I was half done when one night my door opened and you walked inside with a box, I could see a few books and even a broken glass frame with a picture I looked at many times before. It was on your nightstand.

Once our eyes met, you dropped the box and smiled at me. You said all your stuff were in the car, that you thought it would be a good time to move in. It wasn't, but I wasn't going to say that. I was quite thrilled you showed up on your own, without me pressing you. We finished unpacking at around 1 in the morning, you had quite a few broken things, but you didn't look twice at them before throwing them away. We went to bed together. I stood behind so I could watch you walk inside 'our' bedroom, so you could pick the part of the bed you wanted, so you would look at me and tell me to come join you.

The end of the semester was a few days away, right around the corner, and to be hones I was looking forward for it to be over with. My project wasn't going as good as I had initially hoped it would. It was foolish of me to think I'd find something after so much time and after so many other detectives found nothing. I was ready for it to be done.

This time of our relationship I regret the most, because you were right in front of me giving off so many warning signs but I didn't see any of them, or if I did I did not acknowledge them, I was far too busy putting the starts into your eyes and the oceans into your hair, I was wrong too because I made you up to be this being that could do no wrong, I made myself believe that everything that you touched turned to gold, everything you said was written in stone. I allowed you to blind me up, spin me around and push me off the edge of the earth.

We spend so much time together in this part, we lived under the same roof, slept in the same bed and ate the same food, we held hands when nobody was there to see, we whispered secrets in the dark, we kissed in middle of the kitchen and danced to no music. Even the times when we didn't touch or speak, but breathed in and out the same air in the same room were good enough for me. I enjoyed every small thing, how my pillow smelled of you, how the sound of your steps and laughter bounced off the walls of my home, how I could always spot your stuff around, assuring me that you were real and there to stay.

Those are the things that I did see, but I didn't notice the hushed talks on the phone, I didn't notice your shaky hands or the face you made when you thought nobody was watching, I saw all of them but I never gave them any attention.

Before I could even realize it the semester had ended and I was in my bed in the morning of a Monday with your head on my shoulder, the smell of your perfume in the air and your phone buzzing on the nightstand.

Your eyes fluttered open, you got up and looked at the beep-ing device, a frown appeared onto your features. You answered after sighing.

"Father...it's quite early in the morning. What can I do for you?"

After speaking for some time, you hung up and looked at me with an apologetic smile on.

"Sorry about that, he doesn't understand that people sleep after 7 a.m. usually." a sigh "he...invited us to a dinner party. At the end of the week"

I hadn't met your father, only your mother, sister and cousin and them only because of unforeseen events, I didn't mind that, I knew you didn't get along well with your family so I had no plans of making you meet up with them and introduce me. The 'party dinner' was going to be the weekend right before second semester started.

"Ok" I know you wanted me to come up with a reason why we couldn't go. I saw it in your eyes, sadness when I said it was fine. But to be hones I was a little excited to meet everyone in your family and be officially introduced as your boyfriend. I wanted to know that even if they didn't take care of you that I will. All these reasons seem so selfish now.

The day of the dinner followed soon, I expected you to panic but to be honest your calmness scared me more. It felt like the quiet before the storm. Your house was quite like I expected to be, big and spacious yet so cold. I remember thinking about my mom, how her presence in my childhood house filled every corner and warmed up every room.

Everything went fine from greeting to sitting at the table, but only 4 plates were on the table rather than 6. When you asked about your sister and cousin, Hiashi, your father said that he had asked both of them not to be present for that day's dinner. I think you were relying on them a little to keep you above water level and without them there you somehow felt like drowning.

Hiashi asked me all those basic father question such as what Uni I go to, what my parents do, if I have siblings, if I live on campus and a lot more. I didn't expect him to be this talkative. His wife (I assumed she was) kept smiling and bringing more food to the table I saw her look at you a lot trying to catch your eye but you never looked at her.

After dinner we moved to the living room because apparently there were more things to discuss. It must have been passed 10 when he finally reached the 2 subjects he wanted.

"Hinata, I talked to owner of the building. He said you moved out. When did this happen?"

You squeezed my hand a little tighter and I almost answered the question for you but that wasn't necessary.

"I moved out before the first semester ended. Now I live with Sasuke."

He narrowed his eyes and leaned in towards us. "That right? And when were you going to tell me this? At the wedding? To which you have not yet confirmed your presence. "

You were up on your feet and out of the house before I could blink. I followed you right out and the night was forgotten. I didn't ask any questions. I had realized that your father and that woman were to get married and you didn't plan on going. I wasn't going to meddle in your family business, it wasn't my place to say anything.

On Monday morning we both got up and went right back to our routines, going to school coming back, spending time together, learning, eating dinner and going to bed. It was a little scary how fast I got used to waking up to your sleeping face, I somehow got to the point of not remembering how life was before you.

The second semester started off chill, no big things to do, no huge classes to attend, lots of free time. We went on quite a few dates in that period, we hung out with some friends. It's funny how we ended up being one of those couples that once they get together their friends become only background noise. It's mean of me to say that, but it is the truth. We both realized it so we did all we could to blend back in with our respective groups.

Kiba had started dating Ino without any of us even noticing, Shino (your best friend) left for the year to go with a school project in another country to study, Naruto and Gaara and Shikamaru had been spending almost every day together high as Temari tried to get over her and Shikamaru's break up despite it being so hard since the stoners were at her house most of the time. Sakura had gotten a girlfriend but it didn't last long, I guess I didn't realize that life moved on along with us.

 **Hina POV**

One day after the second semester started I returned to the diner my father and I met when he told me about the wedding. I sat at my table, the table in the corner of the room near the window. I smiled at every waiter and waitress, I smiled at everyone passing me by, I even smiled at the people outside even if almost none of them looked at me. I hadn't been there for a long time and I had missed it.

After the divorce when I was around 12 or so I tried to run away from home, but I didn't get far. I took the bus to the outskirt of the city, to this dinner with nice people that smile back when you smile at them, with a nice owner that gave me free pie because I didn't have money on me. I stood there from morning to night when I took the bus back and climbed to my window, in an attempt to scare dad that I hadn't come home. In the morning I used to make my bed took some money with me this time and go to the dinner and spend another day there. I did that the whole summer and when the school year started I went from school to the dinner. My father never noticed I wasn't home. But it still made me feel good that I was away, gone from there.

After I was older and moved out I used to come there every month or so but I hadn't been there since I started Uni and when I sat at a different table across my father that day I felt my skin crawl, I wished for the owner not to be there and see me, I wished for any waiter that knew me to be busy, I wished that nobody see me with them. Just like dad would had been embarrassed to be seen with me in one of his top restaurants while I made a scene, I was ashamed to be seen with him there, just talking.

One morning we both went to Uni together but before I set foot in my first course I started running towards the bus, and I ended up at my table. The only day I had taken anyone with there was when I was 15, mom had just showed up at the house making a mess, I was upset and I called Gaara. We met up there. He took the train from Suna we held hands while eating pie and he told me about his first tattoo, I told him about how I'd want one, he promised to come with me to get it. We even drew it on one of the paper towels. The waiter refilled our glasses with iced tea without us asking for it, and he didn't charge us. When it was close to midnight we walked back to the bus station and Gaara stayed at my apartment for over a week and each day we went back to the diner.

When he finally went home the nice waiter asked me where he was, I told him he went back home to Suna, that he had come only to see me. I think he believed we were a couple, I think many people did. For some time, I think even I did, maybe even Gaara.

Ino was my best friend at all times, but Gaara was my oldest friend. He's the only one I still talk to. It's something about him that makes it so hard to even think about not knowing him. He just is such a big part of me that without I would feel lost. We don't talk a lot, just a little here and there. What I love about Gaara is how it's never awkward, we pick up right where we left of, it wouldn't matter if we hadn't talked for decades when we'd meet it would be the same.

I found it hard to believe that Gaara would spend every day with Shikamaru after he broke Temari's heart, I was mad at him, them. But that didn't last since Temari and Shikamaru made up less than a month after their fight. Gaara tells me they are still together, that Temari's thinking about a baby but she's not sure how bring it up to Shikamaru. I hope she brings it up, I hope they get married and have a family, I hope Temari invites me to the wedding. I hope they buy a house somewhere together, I hope their kids go to a good school and have many friends, I hope they live happily ever after.

I don't know, maybe Hanabi told you, if you're still talking, but I called her a few days ago. A plain crushed going from Tokyo to Milano, I thought Neji or dad could have been on it, they weren't, but I still called to be sure. Hanabi cried when she answered. I made the call from a payphone, yes there are still a few of those around, I was too scared she'd call back sometimes and I wouldn't be ready to talk to her. It took me over 3 days after seeing the news to call and ask.

I'm writing to you this…" letter" that I know I won't send because I was told it helps remembering my faults and apologizing for them, I'm emailing Gaara because I was told it helps being connected and knowing a bit of what's going on. That's the only reason I do everything, because I was told it would make things better, and I need them to be better.


	12. Chapter 12

**This is starting to sound like a cheap soap-opera and I'm over here hitting my head repeatedly to the table trying to think of better words to write but everything that I do write just pisses me off more and idk.**

 **Just recently I started re-reading fanfics and I read an amazing one and I'm just here thinking 'Why can't I come up with better ideas?' I always feel like the beginning is way better than the middle or the ending and it sucks. Anyway…Depending on the reactions to this ending I'll write a squeal or not.**

 **Hinata POV**

There were a few times I should have noticed things were off. But you know what they say, "the only problem with crazy people is that they don't believe themselves to be crazy" maybe that applies to me too, I didn't see what was wrong because that was who I was, and when you only know how to be one thing, that is what is normal to you. I am aware I'm not making much sense…

I think I've almost reached the ending of the story. It happened during the second semester, somewhere around the middle of it. I found myself sitting across the table from my father and his new wife in the same dinner. I had missed the wedding, a part of me believed that was what the meeting was about, but the other part knew something else was happening. We stood without talking for a bit. Dad told me to come with you but I didn't even ask you to join me, I enjoyed your presence when I was around him, it calmed me, but I didn't want you there, in the dinner because of them. I wanted to bring you there, so you could see a part of my memory.

"Hinata, we are very disappointed you missed the wedding. It was wonderful" His sentences were short and rigid it was clear whatever he had to say he feared to because of the way I would react.

"But we are not here to talk about that. This meeting has a far happier subject." He stopped looked at his new wife and she gave him a tight smile and a nod. As she was approving of his idea, allowing him to talk to me, like she had any saying in the matter.

"Akane is pregnant" Nothing. "We will be keeping the baby, of course" Nothing. "We found out right before the wedding" Nothing. I felt nothing, I said nothing. Some time must have passed because when I realized it they were gone, and I was alone.

The idea of a baby should have been a happy thought no matter what, a sibling, but all I could hear were screams and cries of a baby and the sound made me feel sick.

This is the part where I'm supposed to explain myself, because in the past I didn't, not really, but either way you forgave me, I know now you wish you hadn't.

Usually before the wedding things go downhill for my dad and his…" fiancé" but this time the pattern was off, you could easily see that, the wedding went smooth and they were expecting a baby. I know people don't get it, I was supposed to be happy for him because finally someone was making him happy, but that feeling you have before you faint or throw up, when you're dizzy and feel nauseous? Well that's how I felt every time I thought about her, him, them.

Baby…it was happy news, right? No, that's not what I thought. I got up and ran to my car leaving everything I had ordered untouched and without even asking myself if they had paid...

The cars were moving by so fast, so fast, so fast and I was sitting there looking at them passing me, I tried to catch them but I was always left behind. I didn't know where I wanted to go or how to get there, I didn't wanna drive, I didn't wanna walk, run. All I knew was that I had to leave. The screaming just wouldn't leave my head, screaming that didn't even happen yet, it would have happened in 6 months or so, the image of them holding hands, his smile, the new baby.

Sasuke I was there on this bench only 20 minutes away from Konoha, my car parked in a curve and yet I felt so far away. I looked towards the main road and the cars never stopped. I should have called so many times but I just sat next to the phone saying each number a million times in my head.

After I spend a few days wondering around, not really going anywhere, not really moving much I decided I couldn't let her win, I couldn't let her destroy the best of me, I went back to Konoha, to our apartment, I arrived around the time you were still in class, I was sure I had some time to figure out what to say before you'd be back, I didn't even consider the fact that maybe you didn't go to class. All I had in my head was how to tell you the reason why one day I was here and the next I wasn't. You called a lot, I'm sure you may have considered me getting into an accident, and I'm so sorry for worrying you.

I took a breath and tried to unlock the door, but it was already opened, even then I didn't think you'd be there I thought you forgot to lock it or something. So when I stepped into the kitchen and you were there I froze. I can't even remember what it was I said, all I remember is your huge eyes, your fast movements, your hug and your words "It's all good" over and over again but was it really?

I knew that you must have had questions, and that you were hurt but I ignored all that and just wanted to move on, to forget that even happened, it wasn't a good approach and I wasn't the only one that should have decided, I was selfish and you let me be, back than I was relieved because you didn't ask, you were waiting for me to open up, now I wish I would have been better to you, you deserved so much better.

I really did love you. That was no lie, I wanted to clarify that, because maybe over the years you were wondering…I loved you Sasuke. And I know you loved me so much, I could feel it in waves coming out of your every pore.

I should have told you everything back then, everything I was feeling but I didn't, now it's a lot easier to just write them down than say everything to your face. Am I a coward? Probably. I don't even know why I stayed quiet, I knew you wouldn't judge the fact that a 'new sibling' was destroying me, I knew you would have told me I shouldn't go to the wedding if I didn't want to, But I decided to take advantage of your kindness, I took everything you offered for granted after some time.

 **Sasuke POV**

We didn't start dating for long and I remember you told me, asked me to stop if I weren't serious about you. I made a promise that I would never hurt you and I like to think I never did. But Hinata, I thought that promise went both ways. But in the end it was you who tore out my heart. You hit hard and fast I didn't even have time to beg for mercy because it was all over. I blinked a few times trying to understand what was going on, for a moment there was no pain, I was numb but the very next second I felt like I couldn't breathe. You left and didn't even give me an explication and I understood later on, it was easy, you just gave up.

 **Hinata POV**

Someone once told me you're not good. I don't remember who it was that said it, but I can still hear it at night, that person's voice and it mocks me, makes my skin crawl, makes me remember your face and it makes me wanna throw up. I did that to you, to me and to us. I wish I could make you understand but I don't understand either. I gave up on us because it was so much easier then fighting and staying there, I discarded what we had as something I could find again, I wish I hadn't but it's too little, too late.

Even if this may seem the end, me leaving and coming back, we both know it's not. It would have been a happy ending if this was it. You received me with open arms even after being MIA for about a week and I fooled myself by thinking we were past whatever had happened.

What followed this incident was 6 months of normality, we both acted like nothing was wrong. In May we went out camping in a nearby woods. We sat under the stars with blankets around our shoulders staring at a camp fire and talking about things. About school, friends, family, random things. We started watching tv series together, when one of us watched an episode in advance without the other we would "fight". At nights when you had nightmares I'd hold you tight and everything would be alright. It wasn't until June when you told me about the nightmares. About how when you were 5 somebody broke into your house during the night and almost killed both you and Itachi.

Around July I started coming with you to the gym now and then. I met twice a week with Ino and Sakura and once with Gaara, I talked on the phone every night with Hanabi and texted Neji during the day. Summer holiday started mid-July and it was the first year in some time when I didn't feel like leaving Konoha behind and mend into the shadows in Kiri, so I didn't go. I stood still in your lap as you worked on something on your laptop and I was watching cartoons.

The normal was too normal and the odd was never strange enough for it to stand out. I didn't realize when I started organizing everything by color, or when I decided to cut my hair to shoulder-length or when during the midnight I called Gaara to come with me to get my first tattoo. I didn't realize when my weekly meeting with the girls were canceled by stupid excuses or when I slept for more than 12 hours a day. When I did notice something was off I was in our bed for over 2 days and I felt the energy leave every pore. I know you noticed it too, because your voice was softer, slower, your touches gentler and all you ever asked was if I was alright.

Than one day I got up from bed at 5 in the morning, it was already August, I woke you up as well so we could go ice-skating, but it was summer and no skating ring was open. So we settled for bowling and a walk through the mall, somewhere around noon you had to go meet up with some of your classmates and talk about some future project so I called the girls and we went shopping.

We were walking from shop to shop trying on things, tank tops, shorts, dresses Ino even tried on a billion swim suits. We laughed so hard people were looking strange at us. After that we went to eat, you know how on the second floor there are an endless fast-food options we all picked out poison and sat at the table in the center. Sakura liked to be in the middle of the crowd, she loved when people started at her. Despite dating Kiba, Ino winked here and there at whatever guys were looking our way a second too long, they guys would smile but walk away.

Sakura is a fast eater. Her record was a large portion of fries, a smoothie and a double burger in under 3 minutes, so it was no surprise she was done before I even unpacked everything. Another thing I didn't realize, I was organizing my food, I ate it in portions, a chicken bite with 5 fries and every 3 bites of chicken one sip of soda. Sakura picked up a guy as we were still eating and she left with him.

Ino watched her leave and put her pizza slice down. She looked at me with this kindness in her eyes, almost like she knew what was going on. I hadn't realized how much I closed her off, how little I told her about everything, ho little I heard from her about anything.

"Hinata? How do you like living with Sasuke?"

At that time I didn't look into the question much, I only nodded and said it was amazing. Ino didn't mean the question quite as shallow as I saw it. Behind those words were all the questions she was too afraid to ask.

After finally finishing eating we left the mall, holding hands, something we did when we were small. Ino always held my hand when something happened and that day when she reached out it took everything in me not to cry in the middle of the street. I was surrounded by so many good people but I never actually saw their kindness radiate towards me.

I didn't notice when Naruto touched my shoulder every time he passed me by in an attempt to assure me we were fine, or how Shino texted me every 2 weeks at the same hour asking me how I was.

The day after the mall trip I was in the park for a jog I hadn't gone on one in a bit and you were at the gym. I always liked running because it made me feel clean, as the world would stay still around me I would move forward, my mind would spin and turn and I'd think about all of these good things. I remember what I thought about that day right before stopping. 'I wanna dance'.

I went right home, waited for you in a sports bra and one of those yoga pants, my hair up in a ponytail and music blasting off the walls. You were sweaty and tired but you still danced with me for hours. You span me around and picked me up. After we both showered and ate it was quite late so we went to bed, but I couldn't sleep.

Unlike you I didn't have nightmares, but I could almost never fall asleep. Those hours of the night in which I stood awake looking at the dark room, those were the worst part of me. Because there was this little voice in my head telling me things, feeding my brain lies. All I could hear that night were cries and screams. I saw the baby, I saw dad holding it, I saw him cry while smiling at the small human in his arms, I saw Akan on the bed sweaty and breathing hard but looking like she had seen the world split in two and found the answer to every question there ever was. Hanabi and Neji were there too, outside the room looking inside a bit hesitant but still smiling, but I wasn't there.

I had this sudden paranoia that they were all outside my window looking in, staring into my soul, watching it turning black. I ran to the window but there was none, I saw that but the feeling just wouldn't go away. After looking out every window and unlocking every door, I had realized it wasn't my family watching me. It was the angels. Winged men from above talking between themselves in hushed voices about how I would never reach the skies.

There's this habit I had since forever apart from stuttering and playing with my hands, I used to scratch my shoulder whenever I felt anxious. I didn't even realize when I started scratching, it must have been days before because when I moved my right hand over that shoulder and scratched I felt this sudden pain, there was already a wound close to bleeding, despite the pain I continued and watched it, I had forgotten all about the angels and just scratched on and on until finally it was raw flesh and even a bit of blood. The satisfaction I felt from finishing the task was enough for me to settled down so I returned to bed. Somewhere along the lines my brain turned off and I fell asleep.

 **Sasuke POV**

After having 6 months of absolute perfect romance I woke up one day, you were still sleeping which was odd. You were the early riser out of the two of us, but I only assumed you were tired so I left you alone. But the hours passed and hands on the clock moved from 9 to 10 to 11 to 12 and no movement from you. You didn't even reply to my questions or didn't react when I moved you, you were sound asleep. Finally around 1 p.m. when I tried to talk to you again you opened your eyes and sighed.

"Are you going to sleep all day?" I tried sounding cheerful despite being worried. But you only nodded and said you didn't feel well. So I left you alone until 4 when I checked on you again, you were staring at the empty wall this far-away look in your eyes. I asked if you wanted to go to the doctor but you didn't, I asked if you were on your period and had cramps, but you weren't, I asked everything that went through my mind but you just shot down everything I said.

The next 2 days were like that. Something similar happened before and it lasted a few days and then you jumped back up. So I waited up for a week, and surely when I came home from seeing Itachi you were in the kitchen baking cupcakes and cookies. I could not have been happier.

We made a little program, twice a week I'd go to the gym and you'd run the park. You didn't like running on those treadmills.

28th of August was a gym day.

 **Hinata POV**

28th of August was a running day. It was about a week and a bit after another one of my lows. So I couldn't be happier to move my legs and my mind in the same rhythm. But something wasn't working, I wasn't in sync anymore, my mind would go to places I didn't want it to wander off to. So I stopped for a moment to breath and on the bench next to me was a lady with her screaming baby. I tried hard to brain storm dates of the birth of the baby. I checked my phone over and over. I texted Hanabi asking of the date Akane was due to.

 **"30** **th** **August"** Read her reply. I had forgotten about it. I was aware of a baby that was supposed to be born but I wasn't aware of how soon it would all happen. I turned back around and ran towards our apartment. My hands were shaking when I tried to unlock the door, it took me almost 5 minutes to open it. I screamed out your name, a part of me knew you were at the gym, the other was hoping I was wrong. I changed into my favorite outfit, took my phone, wallet, and put them in my biggest purse along with a sweater and a beanie. I took it with everything it had in it and left the apartment, door wide open, my keys on the counter.

I made my way to your gym, I knew where it was, I had been there with you before. I walked all the way to the back where I knew was the heavy lifting machines, the ones you liked. And surely you were there. When you saw me, your face lit up and you stopped.

"Hey Hina. What brings you here? Done with your run?"

Usually you were at the gym for about 2 hours and a half enough time for me to run and shower so when you'd come back the shower was free. But you still had about an hour until the usual time was up. I smiled and nodded, I was indeed done running.

Here's the problem. I can't really remember what I said. All I know is that the smile turned into a confused look than into a frown and then I was gone. I can't remember how I got to the train station, or if you ran after me. I do remember you asking where things went wrong, and I'm pretty sure I didn't answer your question.

It's pretty shitty of me not remembering what I said last to you. The point is that I somehow broke up with you. And I left. As I was waiting into the train station I got a text from Hanabi telling me Akane went in labor and to 'get my ass over there'. She texted more but I ignored them all.

I told myself that it wouldn't matter, nothing could change the way I felt about that baby, I was already on the train to Kiri when Hanabi called again asking 'where the fuck' I was. She never swore, she was crying and shouting and I knew something was wrong.

"The baby…was born dead."

I know she kept talking probably about how dad needed all of us, the moment she told me I felt…relieved and that scared me so bad. Dad and that woman were in so much pain, the baby died and I was ok with it. It frightened me just how I had became, how losing a life meant nothing to me, how easy it was to walk away and hurt everyone, hurt you. I thought about getting off at the next station and going back but when the train stopped I didn't move, I stood still.

I knew that by the time I would get to Kiri mom would know about the baby too. She'd insist on going to see dad and Akane, so 4 stations before we entered Kiri I changed trains and got onto one that was leaving in 10 minutes, I didn't look at the destination. I picked it because of the way it was heading, not south to Konoha or Suna, not east to Kiri but north towards the unknown.

On the train I met Suigetsu, our seats were next to each other, he started the conversation by hitting on me but I ignored him so he started talking more, it felt fine, because the noise was keeping my thoughts away. I didn't want to think about the quiet hospital, about how the baby got out and instead of screaming and shouting like they do in movies, like he did all those times in my head, he was silent, dead. Was he even a he? I didn't even know that.

Despite the distraction these thoughts crept their way to me, how his cries were substituted by their, how he didn't even get a chance at life, how he was so loved and waited even before coming to this world and didn't even stay. I ran to the bathroom and started crying I called dad before I could stop myself but it went to voicemail, I didn't try again, and a few hours later when Hanabi, Neji, and mom all called me and texted I ignored all of them, I kept thinking about how I would get a new phone.

I wanted to disappear, start all over in a place nobody knew me and I knew no one, and for those I did know I wanted it to feel like I had fallen off the face of earth.

"Where are you going?"

After sharing the story of his life with me, Suigetsu finally asked me a question. I looked at him and told him I didn't know, and that it didn't matter, all that was important was the I was gone. He smiled, at the next station he got off. The person taking his seat was a teenager, he fell asleep after the first few minutes and I was alone with my thoughts. The darkness I was keeping away was leaking from all my cracks and it surrounded me and drowned me. And I was fine with that.

I guess this is how the story ends, with me on a train not going quite as fast as I would have liked it to go, with thoughts that broke my soul and a heart that beat way too fast despite me feeling like I had none at all.

This completes the 'letter' that I have no intention in sending, a letter that was supposed to be one paragraph long, just enough to apologize so I would feel better, because even now what I did still hurts me, but somehow ended to be a small novel that no one will ever read. I've been working on it for a few days now, every day at 9 pm I sit down and start writing and before I even realize it it's 2 am and I have written 5 pages front and back.

Maybe it's therapeutic, admitting everything, putting my thoughts in black on the white paper, because I feel much better now.

After I got here I made a friend with a psychology student and she talked me into going to the doctor after one my lows. Turns out I am bipolar. It's something you can't really treat but I do take meds, but I'll have to take them all my life. This illness it's either you got it from a genetic level, someone in your family had it, as far I know nobody had it in my family, or it's something like PTSD but…it messes up with the chemicals in your brain. I don't know. It felt important to write it down because, I'm not proud of this or most of the things I've done in the past years, but I've only now have gotten in terms with what I have. The last 3 years I have been in and out of hospital, I didn't take my meds because they make me feel like I'm under water at all times, I'm dizzy and can't focus…but without them I'm high and low over and over. I had psychotic outbursts too.

It feels a little strange ending it with news about me, but the story's over and my 'excuses' are all used so I don't have much left to say.

 **Sasuke POV**

That day you came at the gym, you started talking about things that made no sense to me. About how there was this baby on a bench when you ran, about how you had a beanie in your bag even if it was still way too hot for one. I knew something was wrong and I tried to get you to slow down but you didn't. Finally you got to a part that caught my attention.

"Thank you for dating me, I had a really good time with you. I'm really sad that it's over thought" that was all you said before running out the gym. It took me a few moments to get myself together and I ran after you outside but there was no trace of you, I started running in one direction, but I guess it was the wrong one because I never found you. When I went home all of your things were still inside, to be fair I was surprised there was anything left in the house since the front door was wide open. I was certain you'd be back, but hours passed than days and weeks and nothing changed.

Your sister came looking for you, her eyes were red from crying, she told me about the baby being born dead about how you never picked up or texted back. I hadn't spoken to her since then. It took me a few weeks to finally start putting your stuff away and then finally giving it all to good-will. By October when Uni started there was no sign that you had actually lived in my apartment, everything was gone. Ino and Sakura didn't know where you were either, it felt like you fell off the face of earth.

I think your cousin announced you as a missing person, but after looking for about 2 weeks the police gave up. It's been about 3 years and no one heard from you, or if they did nobody told me about it. If that's the case I don't know how to feel, glad or mad. I'm writing this down because maybe if it's all out there it will be easier for me to forget all about it.

They say that the few first days are the worst, but even now almost 3 years later I can hear it all, your footsteps down my hallway, I still smell your cinnamon shampoo in my bathroom, sometimes when I sleep I still feel your arms around my torso. I wish they would all be real because even after all this time I wish I could touch your cheek one more time, I wish you'd say my name one last time.

But that won't happen, you won't be coming back, it was you who gave up and there was nothing I could do.

I have to let go because your silhouette in my kitchen, your voice coming from my bedroom and your laughter still echoing into my house, bouncing off the walls, they are only memories after all.

 **I guess this is the end…Even I don't know how to feel about it. I got a review from a guest at my other chapter asking if Ssuke really did love Hinata, and he did, so much, he might not have shown it but his love for her consumed any logical thinking, in this story he was collateral damage, I know it sounds mean, but he did nothing wrong. I started painting Hinata as the bad person from a few chapters back, but it's not really her fault either, all of these was just a series of unfortunate events.**

 **I still hope you enjoyed the story, I want to thank you for staying with me despite the unregular updates and all my wining. I feel like I'm trying to say something in such a manner that it takes space and words, like I'm just saying a bunch of nothings just to fill the space between the important events. I'll try to come up with a much happier story for the next time, but I'm not very good at writing cute stuff so I always turn to depressing things that leave you confused and frustrated.**

 **Thank you again for reading, reviewing, favoring, following and all that. I'll see you guys who knows when. Love you Dia~~**


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